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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not wanting to work?

416 replies

Cornhill · 19/11/2021 07:35

I know I’m going to get a certain amount of hate for this, but I’m just writing about how I feel - not necessarily saying I am going to do anything about it.

I don’t want to work. I recently went back after having my first baby and I hate it. I feel like I’m stuffed in a building throughout the day, not getting to enjoy life at all. It all feels frantic, getting up rushing, rushing around all day, then at home just waiting until bedtime then start it all again.

My flexible working application was denied. I am looking for part time jobs but it’s extremely rare one actually comes up and the chances of a part time job being advertised within commutable distance and that I am successful in my application for seems pretty remote.

It seems so unfair on Dh to be the sole earner and I know all the arguments against being a SAHM. But life is so relentless. Things get forgotten about because just so busy.

I’m feeling fed up and grouchy about it all.

OP posts:
GreenestValley · 19/11/2021 07:35

Did you enjoy work before having children?

Tumbleweed101 · 19/11/2021 07:38

Working and raising small children is hard, especially if you don't get much satisfaction from your job. No advice but you are not unreasonable to feel like this.

LadyWithLapdog · 19/11/2021 07:39

It’s a tough adjustment. I hope you find the right job for you.

malificent7 · 19/11/2021 07:41

Yanbu...my dd is 13 and i don't want to work. Sadly i have to and i dont want to burden dp. Its a proper drag though. I gurss a major benefit is if anything happens to dp you will have a means to support yourself.
Can you do something else more inspiring...try something outside like gardening, conservation, dog walking or do childminding?
I have 2 degrees but i do some cleaning...love it...but need to go bk to my profession.

malificent7 · 19/11/2021 07:41

Guess*

Bluntness100 · 19/11/2021 07:43

Can you afford to be a stay at home mum? Does your husband support such an idea?

moregarlic · 19/11/2021 07:44

You’re not being unreasonable at all. It’s not pleasant to feel like you’re always rushing.

I know that’s not a popular opinion on here, but I think it’s how a lot of normal people feel.

Do you have any skills you could translate to a part time freelance setup?

moregarlic · 19/11/2021 07:46

also I get the logic of the argument that you need to work in case of a divorce but fuck me what a depressing outlook to operate from.

GeodesicDome · 19/11/2021 07:48

YANBU, but do remember that this feeling is shared by vast swathes of the working population, and is not exclusive to the mothers of young children.

Meruem · 19/11/2021 07:50

The only other persons opinion that matters in this scenario is that of your DH. It doesn’t matter what other people think. It’s your life and you need to be happy with it, within the constraints of what’s possible of course. Can you as a family afford you to be a SAHM?

People will say but what about your pension or if you split up etc etc. Those are future unknowns. If you’re not happy in the here and now then what’s the point of sticking with it “just in case”. There will be other jobs later on if you decide to return to work. I didn’t work full time for 10 years when I had DC ( a few years stay at home and a few part time) and I still managed to have a career afterwards. I don’t regret it at all and have many fond memories from when my DC were little.

I’m now in my 50s and have gone part time again. Just because I want more time to myself. You only get one life, live it in the way that works for you and your family.

Original poster
Cornhill · 19/11/2021 07:50

No skills tbh 😂

did you enjoy work before having children

At one point I loved it. I was actually disappointed if I was ill and didn’t enjoy holidays much at all (sad or what.)

That hasn’t been the case so much in more recent years but it isn’t that I’ve hated it, just not had that mad enthusiasm.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cornhill · 19/11/2021 07:51

Like I say, I’m not saying I’m going to do anything. I haven’t even spoken to Dh about being a SAHM because even though in theory I want it, I don’t know that it’s actually a good thing. I’m just venting.

OP posts:
WalkingOnSonshine · 19/11/2021 08:00

A lot of people feel like you, I would say the vast majority of people wouldn’t work if they had the choice.

What sort of role/industry are you in? A lot more companies are offering fully remote working.

What does your DH say? Can you find your current lifestyle & the increasing costs of a growing family?

Tabbacus · 19/11/2021 08:03

I think a lot of people feel the same. Do you think there's something you might enjoy more? The job market is pretty good at the moment.

itchypoopark · 19/11/2021 08:04

YANBU, I felt like this for years. I had a very long commute to work as well, for several years, and I can remember feeling tearful because I had to leave my children sleeping, and I would not return until they were asleep in bed. My husband looked after them and he did his best, although he felt frustrated at being a SAHD. In addition, there were times when I really hated my job, so those years were very miserable.

I now work from home, and I really enjoy what I do. I just wish I had been able to WFH when my sons were still children. Is there any way you could work from home?

trumpisagit · 19/11/2021 08:04

Working full-time with a baby is hard, and if you don't enjoy your job and you can afford not to work, that sounds great.

GoodnightGrandma · 19/11/2021 08:05

I was a SAHM and I was quite lonely and bored. I went back to work to escape it.
If you are going to do it you need to look at the financial implications for you, and look at DH paying into a private pension for you.
Do you know if you’ve worked enough to be entitled to a full old age pension ?

MarshmallowsOnToast · 19/11/2021 08:06

You feel the way you feel. You can't BU in that.

Personally I find being at home with a toddler relentless & wish I had gone back to work for more days (currently work 3 full days & at home with DS 2 days).

It's all personal!

Rosebel · 19/11/2021 08:07

It's so tough. I absolutely hate working and I cry about it most days, especially as I narrowly missed out on a perfect job recently.
Would you consider doing something different that might allow part time? Or do your finances allow you to SAH? Have you talked to your partner?
YANBU to feel the way you do. The only way to decide if you can be a SAHM is by talking to your partner and seeing how it would work with money.
I loved being a SAHM and if I could afford it I'd do it again with m son.

KingofQueens · 19/11/2021 08:11

Does anyone want to work? I was in a job that I hated for many years - I'm now in a job that I absolutely love, but I still don't want to work, I'd still rather be a sahm, but I'm sure dh doesn't particularly want to work either. We could probably afford for me to not work or not work full-time, but it would feel very unfair and wrong for me to not work while he does.

PingedPotato · 19/11/2021 08:19

How recently did you go back? Took me a couple of months to readjust to the routine again

TractorAndHeadphones · 19/11/2021 08:20

YANBU to feel this way OP but that’s life

SpinsForGin · 19/11/2021 08:21

Can you look to retrain?
It is very hectic trying to work full time when you had a child but it helps if you enjoy what you do.

Does you DH share childcare and housework? That makes a difference too.

OhDear2200 · 19/11/2021 08:22

Don’t know what you do but look at Local Authority job sites as they often have part time positions.

LittleStorpingInTheSwuff · 19/11/2021 08:24

Oh I hear you and think lots would say the same. Job is fine but it's an exhausting relentless grind working and juggling young children. If I won big I'd be outta there!!

I've never considered jacking it in seriously, as we are materially better off with me also working, and that has its own rewards. And frankly I'm not sure how I'd fill my time and interest if I didn't work. Hybrid working has been a game-changer as regards the previous traffic shite (and knock-on rushing). I'd look for something like that if you can.