In not wanting to work?

[Cornhill]

I know I’m going to get a certain amount of hate for this, but I’m just writing about how I feel - not necessarily saying I am going to do anything about it.

I don’t want to work. I recently went back after having my first baby and I hate it. I feel like I’m stuffed in a building throughout the day, not getting to enjoy life at all. It all feels frantic, getting up rushing, rushing around all day, then at home just waiting until bedtime then start it all again.

My flexible working application was denied. I am looking for part time jobs but it’s extremely rare one actually comes up and the chances of a part time job being advertised within commutable distance and that I am successful in my application for seems pretty remote.

It seems so unfair on Dh to be the sole earner and I know all the arguments against being a SAHM. But life is so relentless. Things get forgotten about because just so busy.

I’m feeling fed up and grouchy about it all.

I've kind of lost track of the thread as it went a bit wrong in the middle but... are you considering a second child soon? If so could you use this as motivation to get you through the daily grind, setting aside a bit extra for maternity leave and then taking the maximum time allowed. At this point you could make it clear your intention to return part time and hopefully this will give the school enough time to find a suitable candidate. Where I am teaching jobs are few and far between so there are lots of excellent candidates applying. Also this is a long hard term, you might find come spring term when the weather is better and lighter at nights that you feel you are getting more quality time with your son.

a row is actually brewing right now because of him not listening to me over something pretty damn important

I bet there is.

but there is a huge grey space between abusive bastard / miserable wife and occasionally a bit frustrated wife and gormless twit.

I would agree, and the only person going on about ostensible abuse is you. My point is that your life is being made unnecessarily harder because he doesn't listen to you, and this can't be divorced from everything else. And lo and behold...

However, since you've asked nicely, I'll stop responding. That works better on me than insults and inventions, just for future reference. And I'm not the exhausted one with no time to spare for fun stuff like Mumsnet flame wars.

Could you switch schools? There are part time form teachers at my kids' school (I don't like it, because 2 teachers share a class but that's a different topic)

The only person you need to justify yourself to is YOU and discuss with DH
You’re not letting the Sisterhood down by wanting to do what’s in your DNA

I love my job. Have a job a lot of people are jealous of and would love.
I have NO desire to go back after having DC. Can’t see it far enough ..
Dreaming of going part time in a supermarket or similar in a position I don’t care abouy, and getting home to DC

But I’m the higher earner.
You’ve only one life OP, be happy

popcorn

@Londoncallingme what did you retrain to do out of interest?

You’re not letting the Sisterhood down by wanting to do what’s in your DNA

What do you mean by 'what's in your DNA'?

OP I don't want to go back to work either even though it's the right thing to do. We don't technically need me to work but it's impractical for me not to. It doesn't change the fact that i feel shitty about it and stressed though. I'm with ya.

A lot of men feel this too, just as there are loads of women who would hate to be a sahm. Men don't voice it as much as many feel they're meant to be providers.
What would happen if both don't go to work, of course it wouldn't work. What matters in each relationship is communication and total agreement to avoid resentment.

@Cornhill

It is kind of you to reply but supply isn’t an option for me.

One of the main reasons I am continuing to teach is because of the pension and death in service benefits and I would lose those if I opted to do supply.

You have the right to pay contributions now even as a supply.

You aren't being unreasonable at all , I was really lucky that because my late husband worked away for most of time my 2 eldest were growing up I got to be a SAHM, did odd part time job, but never felt I had to work, but when youngest was early teens became widowed and was glad to get chance to work, didnt want to rely on benefits and fed up being skint, Now moved near elderly mum and work part time in care as well and though I love my job and its nice to have a change more time spend at home less I want to work again lol,
I can imagine its hard getting organised with a baby to care for plus the fact you don't want to have to leave your baby to be looked after by someone else, is there anything you could do at home to make up income? maybe still do main job, but part time , bad that your company won't be flexible, is it s big company? can you go to HR , hope you manage to find something to solve your problem

If you don't work it doesn't follow that you have to give up everything. Why not retrain in a job that gives you flexibility such as hairdressing or accountancy so you can work from home at times that suit you and childcare.

You are not being unreasonable. I don’t have kids, and at 55, had enough of work and retired early! The last five years I worked were a particular grind, but I have a PhD and sunk so much time into training for my role that I wanted to get the payback in salary that I could. The minute I could leave, I did so. There is more to life than work, something I am learning now for sure. Good luck in whatever you decide.

I have read your posts OP but not all the responses so apologies if this has already been mentioned

• how would you feel about moving to primary teaching? That’s my sector and part time roles come up all the time

• do you have the experience to move to some sort of advisory role? LA or MAT maybe? Much less stress, easier to finish work for the day and forget about it, pt often available

• maybe check out didteach.com

Specifically job opportunities for people moving from teaching. Sometimes part time things, including for subject specialists, often wfh