Could you be separated from your Dc

[Frostythesnowperson]

For four or so days?

Dd is only 3 years old, I’m pregnant with our second.
We live abroad and having been back to the U.K. since before she was born. We were due to, but then covid hit and now pregnancy.
My parents have been over a fair amount to see Dd, but dps family hasn’t met her. His mum hasn’t been abroad and feels too ill too, his sister etc could have visited but haven’t.
It feels wrong that Dd hasn’t met them and the onus seems to be on us to get over there, do you think that’s right firstly?
Secondly, I’ve suffered many pregnancy losses and am a high risk pregnancy so won’t risk flying. This would mean dp would have to take our 3 year old alone for a few days.
I really don’t think I can do this, we’ve never been apart and I also think it will be really overwhelming for her?
After baby comes along, I don’t know when the next chance would be to get over. With a new baby, toddler/young child, covid etc, it seems a big stress.

What’s the solution here, what would you do?

*Havent been back to the U.K.

I could but we’ve done overnights since 2 weeks old. I think it too much to go from 0-4 unless your child seems happily independent from you..do they attend nursery?

Personally I could have, but that doesn't help you. You can only do what feels right for you. But I would always say to myself 'what would happen if I died' (or if that sounds dramatic - what if I was admitted to hospital)., and I knew I wanted my DC to be comfortable with other people and not over dependent on me.
Maybe you need to think carefully about your DH's role in this - surely he deserves to be able to take his own DD to meet his family?

It'll be fine, she'll enjoy it. Let them go.

@BurntO Pre school in September, but a couple of clubs for an hour without me. She’s fairly confident and independent but just think it would be a lot for her to meet people she’s basically never met, stay in another house, go on the plane etc and all while I’m not there 🤷🏻‍♀️

From my side, I think I’d be pretty worried about her too

@Ragwort Of course he does and I want her to meet them too, for her sake aswell as everyone else’s.
I just wish they could come to us, would be so much easier!

Yes I could. DP is just as much her parent as you are.

I have. Dh and myself have gone on some European city breaks while kids stayed with family.

My eldest is 9 and although he’s been away from me here and there staying with grandparents I could not let him go to a different country without me I don’t think! I need to know that in an emergency I could get to them. The furthest they’ve been is 3 hours drive on holiday with the grandparents.

Yes I have done. I have literally been to the other side of the world for 2 weeks while my dh had them.

Yes easily, but my dd has been staying over night at grandparents house since 3 months old, and nursery since 9 months old. Me and dh have also been away on honeymoon without dd

In normal circumstances I’d say let her go but as you’ve suffered pregnancy losses and complications I think it’s insane for your husband to leave the country, whist your pregnant.

Go together next year then your family can meet both new little ones.

She’ll have a great time. She’s old enough to broadly understand what’s happening, and she can FaceTime you etc.

Meanwhile you can have a nice rest.

I got married when ds2 was just under 2, and we left the dc with my dps while we went on on a 4 or 5 night honeymoon. I think with close family it’s fine (I know your dd doesn’t know her dgps so well, but she’ll be with her dad). But equally you know your own dc - and dh - best.

@Stuckhere2021 Yes..? I’m not debating that

@Pitavina Yes, that’s definitely it too, brings me anxiety thinking about it at such a young age

Yes - absolutely no worries if they are with their other parent. DH and I have both had child-free weekends away.

Oh bless you both OP. Can your partner cut it short a day as a compromise? Remember your child will be in the hands of a loving parent and will be so busy meeting so many people they’ll be having a blast and will sleep deeply at the end of each day. They’ll be ok. You can take some time to rest

@LizzieSiddal Yes, that’s the other side of it too

No. And with Covid you run the risk of it being more than 3 days and isolating etc. Him being her dad is true but completely irrelevant. You don’t want to be apart from her, she probably doesn’t want to be apart from you. Fair doesn’t come into it, it’s a shame they haven’t seen her but life isn’t.

Yes, easily. And she'll be with your DH and his parents! I left DC1 with her aunt for a week at that age.

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer She doesn’t know any of them at all 😬

[quote Frostythesnowperson]@Stuckhere2021 Yes..? I’m not debating that[/quote]
So why can’t he be in sole charge of her for a few days?

@BurntO Is 3 days enough do you think, to go abroad etc.
My Dd is fantastic but really needs her sleep and routines or she gets overwhelmed/overtired and all hell breaks loose. Dp hasn’t had her just with him for even a full day at home, it worries me a bit

But, do what feels right for you. if you think she will be unsettled and you will worry then either wait until the baby is born, or let people come to you - I wouldn't get him to take her purely to make it 'fair' on his parents. My FIL is obsessed with how much my mum sees the kids compared to him and it drives me mad, as he makes zero effort.