AIBU to remove DD from this childminder?

[Grabmygran]

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

No, if you’ve found a childminder who doesn’t lazily hand out sweets every day to babies d say go for it!!

Yes, do tell her.

A move sounds wise, I don't think you will ever fully trust your childminder to care for your child in the way you want her looked after.

It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten
Exactly this. I don’t share your view at all but that’s so not the point! I don’t think you can trust her so you’ve definitely done the right thing and I wouldn’t hesistate to say why you’re leaving.

On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake
You didnt even give her a bite of her own birthday cake alongside her strawberries?

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake You didnt even give her a bite of her own birthday cake alongside her strawberries?

Why would she? It’s not like the baby would know. And once they taste sugar, they want it all the time. Really not unreasonable to try hold off as long as possible. And annoying when other people trot on in and hand out sweets regardless of your efforts.

I think it would be wise to change childminders yes, as she is not listening.

I do think however the family eating cake whilst only allowing the birthday girl fruit is really quite odd. Occasional treats won’t hurt her. Life is about balance.

I’m sorry but now I can’t get over the image of her eating a bowl of raspberries while you all tuck into her birthday cake 😂

Depends how regular and if DD happy with childminder
I hope your dd had the choice of cake on her birthday if she wanted it not just raspberries. I know a friend who's got a severe eating disorder due to banned foods as a child.

I think the cake thing is a bit bonkers but you're never unreasonable to stop someone caring for their child if you aren't happy.

Caring for your child*

Why would she? It’s not like the baby would know. And once they taste sugar, they want it all the time*

The OP refers to it as the childs cake. Pretty crap then, to buy her a cake she is not allowed to eat. Get a sugar free one if necessary, or get the stick out of your arse and give her a dollop of it on her plate.

Not unreasonable at all. Leave the childminder and find someone who respects your wishes.

I would say move because she isnt listening to you.

But I think you are potentially setting up sugar as being something bad rather than something in moderation. Holding it back could lead to wanting it all the time rather than being sensible. Which your childminder isnt being either

I think it's a bit mean to say your DD can't have a birthday treat when another child at the CM has a birthday.
"Lemon curd tarts for everyone, but sorry grabmygran's daughter, you're not allowed. Have an apple"

Adore raspberries myself! I think you have done the right thing TBH. My own DS actually chose to have a bag of cherries for a treat, rather than pick and mix when only about 6! A good CM should not be handing out treats anyway surely? When I was a Nursery School Teacher ,the birthday child had a pretend cake and everyone sang happy birthday to them . Come Home time any sweets/cake brought in by parents was wrapped and offered to parents to take home or not ,as they wished .

I also don't get the 'she doesn't need' it argument. Neither do you or the rest of the family, but you were all quite merrily scoffing her cake!

@Starcaller

I also don't get the 'she doesn't need' it argument. Neither do you or the rest of the family, but you were all quite merrily scoffing her cake!

Well quite!! I totally agree that you need to feel that your childminder respects your decisions but your logic around food is bizarre.

Blimey!

As a childminder, I couldn’t agree with you more.

The number of parents that think I’m cruel for making porridge and not offering coco pops is unreal.

Babies and children don’t miss what they never have. No need for sugar at all.

I would tell her.

The issue is not respecting your decision and just giving her what she wants regardless how you feel.

That's not professional.

It does not matter who thinks a bit of X won't hurt or why not start her on sweets and cakes early they're nice...
You don't want that! You have communicated it. She doesn't care.

I wouldn't be happy with the childminder doing that.

However, you didn't give your child a taste of their own birthday cake? You are being very unreasonable there!!

You tucked into her birthday cake while she ate raspberries? What? I think your being OTT.

You lost me at the fact she didn't get any of her own birthday cake AND you ate it in front of her!

I totally agree that you need to feel that your childminder respects your decisions but your logic around food is bizarre

This sums up how I feel tbh.

I would be thinking about how long you’re planning on towing this line. It’s absolutely valid if you plan to do this for the foreseeable and on into the school years but if it’s not something you plan on keeping up you might want to review your feelings on this. From this point onwards your dc is going to have more and more contact with situations like this and at some point you either need to prep your dc to decline or start teaching them about treats and moderation.

Fwiw we’ve been pretty lax with dd(5) and she’s not sugar mad at all. She’d rather have cucumber than chocolate and is the only child I’ve witnessed save half a pack of sweets for later….