AIBU to remove DD from this childminder?

[Grabmygran]

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

If its once in a while like a birthday then you over reacted. You tucked into cake while she ate raspberries. Nice way to set up your child early for eating disorders and food obsessions.

as long as you dont make sugar taboo i dont see theproblem

yanbu to remove her from someone who wont listen to your preferred choices

Everyone who is talking about the lack of cake is missing the point.

A parent is asking a child minder to respect her preferences and the child minder is ignoring her and doing what she wants anyway.

Yanbu. Tell the childminder the reason you are leaving!

@LemonBarley1234

Everyone who is talking about the lack of cake is missing the point.

A parent is asking a child minder to respect her preferences and the child minder is ignoring her and doing what she wants anyway.

Yanbu. Tell the childminder the reason you are leaving!

Actually most of us have acknowledged and given our opinion on both points...

Also, a 14 month old is a toddler rather than a baby I would say. No one is talking about giving a baby sweets. The occasional chocolate biscuit or small piece of birthday cake for a toddler is pretty normal.

If the cm is otherwise good, I'd say you need to balance the harm of changing carer against the harm of the occasional sugar.

You're quite right not to wreck her palate with sugar at this stage. The all things in moderation rule doesn't apply here.

I would feel the exact same - you have made a request and she is repeatedly ignoring it. That's not ok when looking after someone else's child.

Also hilarious to see the people up in arms about not giving your 1 year old sugary food. They don't need it or want it - so why give it to them instead of getting them used to healthy food which they enjoy just as much? I don't think my kids had cake at their first birthdays either, maybe a lick of the icing.

I think, unless you can find a cm who buys into your (fairly extreme) position, then you may be better with a nanny.

Schools don't allow sugary snacks. It's not remotely extreme.

Occasional treats won’t hurt her. Life is about balance

Why do you think that cakes are a treat and raspberries aren't?

You didn't even give your child a slice of her own birthday cake whilst you ate it in front of her? That's absolutely messed up.

You're within your rights to remove your child from any childminder, but I genuinely think you've done the woman a favour.

Good luck with your kid as she gets older and rebels.

@Eastridingclub

I think, unless you can find a cm who buys into your (fairly extreme) position, then you may be better with a nanny.

Schools don't allow sugary snacks. It's not remotely extreme.

Don’t they? My kids have a pudding after their school dinner every day and have done since nursery school.

@dottiedodah

Adore raspberries myself! I think you have done the right thing TBH. My own DS actually chose to have a bag of cherries for a treat, rather than pick and mix when only about 6! A good CM should not be handing out treats anyway surely? When I was a Nursery School Teacher ,the birthday child had a pretend cake and everyone sang happy birthday to them . Come Home time any sweets/cake brought in by parents was wrapped and offered to parents to take home or not ,as they wished .

Great that he could choose. My kids would often choose some grapes or cherries (even when they were younger than 6) after school rather than the sweetshop but they had a choice and sometimes chose sweetshop.

I think if you are too rigid you risk making the illict so exciting.

@Eastridingclub

I think, unless you can find a cm who buys into your (fairly extreme) position, then you may be better with a nanny.

Schools don't allow sugary snacks. It's not remotely extreme.

Tell that to our school where DS continues to be outraged daily by the sugary desserts on offer each day!

@Eastridingclub

You're quite right not to wreck her palate with sugar at this stage. The all things in moderation rule doesn't apply here.

That's it. I think at this age you have an opportunity to introduce her to a variety of fruit and veg. Once the sweetness hit of sugar is on offer, we are hard wired to prefer that. She'll have plenty of time to eat sugar later! I know plenty of people who only eat a narrow range of fruit and veg but none who have an issue with sugar (excluding any sensory issues of course).

Lunch boxes seem to be a different matter, then. Why is that.

Children don’t know cake is desirable until they’ve had it!

Even if all the adults around them are stuffing their faces and saying "ooh! nice cake grabmygranny"?

@Eastridingclub - yes. Older dd’s childcare don’t give them cakes or sweets at all and they are banned from packed lunches too. If they do make an exception (eg for a child’s birthday in lockdown) they get permission from all parents for the child to have cake that day. I thought this was the norm.

Also not the occasional treat- it was at least every week (and she only went 2 days a week)

@Eastridingclub

Lunch boxes seem to be a different matter, then. Why is that.

I don’t know but I have found the same. My son was told off at primary (and the teacher told me too) for having a brownie in his packed lunch which mil had made at the weekend with him.

He had school dinners two days later and had brownie and cream for his pudding. I told the teacher and she was all ‘oh I but I didn’t oh I don’t know.’

But at all the schools and nurseries I’ve worked at it has been normal to have your meal then a pudding. Not unusual at all really.

I think if you send her to a childminder who has multiple other kids around (her own or childmindees) and they're people who have sweet stuff quite a lot, it's unreasonable to make the childminder not give your child some when all the rest are having a bit.

I think yanbu re finding a new childminder. This constant giving of sweets is ridiculous and unnecessary.

I don’t think you should give a child a birthday cake and then eat it in front of her, without giving her any! Even if she’s got no idea, it’s just mean. Don’t have a birthday cake if you won’t give it to the recipient of the cake.

School puddings are very low in sugar and would be very unexciting for an adult to eat.

The most exciting puddings my DS is served at nursery are rice pudding with fruit or fruit/veg oaty bites.

Completely different from sugary supermarket doughnuts.

My friend is a paediatric dentist who often wonders about the mindset of parents who give their very young children sugar all the time so that they end up coming in for extractions. I’ll refer her to this thread!

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I think it's so sweet that she gets all excited about yoghurt and fruit, I can see her bouncing in my minds eye

Yes definitely change childminders. Processed sugar is just empty calories and rots teeth, look how many children are having to have all their teeth removed in hospital now.

Some people think children are deprived without sweet things which is nonsense.

I saw a documentary about this and it was heartbreaking. SO unnecessarily traumatic for these kids.

As the dd was only one, she wouldn’t have known anything about the cake. Raspberries were fine-there are plenty of birthdays for her to have cake. I would say something-it might make her reflect that, unless harmful, parents’ wishes are to be respected. Given her age, she wouldn’t have been clamouring for lemon curd sandwiches anyway. It would be different if she were older and realising she was being treated differently.