AIBU to remove DD from this childminder?

[Grabmygran]

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

@Tabbacus

Cake is available at lots of nurseries - most of them in my experience. At every nursery I’ve worked at there is a pudding after lunch and tea every day. After tea it is usual yogurt or fruit

It's not like shop bought 'normal cake' though is it, they're low sugar with all sorts of random veg chucked in.

If there's cake at our nursery, it's normal shop bought cake. But thats once a week. 2 days a week pudding is cheese and crackers and 2 days it's fruit and yogurt. No pudding after the tea.

@ChelleMum85 @HenriBond please stop with your insensitive comments about eating disorders.
Not introducing sugars early into a child's live doesn't produce an eating disorder. The OP has an elder child who has a balanced diet. There is nothing to suggest she's conducting an evil experiment on her youngest.
Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental health condition. They are complex and devastating. Parents of children with an Ed (I'm one) are wracked with guilt, anxiety, sadness, anger, despair as they watch this pernicious diseased take their children to the brink and too often beyond. Read the teen ED threads for a sobering insight and fucking stop guilting mothers.

Sorry OP

My 4 year old was once put on a cake and chocolate diet. She had no interest in food, it was always a struggle to get her to eat and we got to the point at 4 where the doctor said if she has lost any more weight she is going into hospital as her weight is getting dangerously low. His advice was feed her cake and chocolate, anything you can get down her. We will worry about her teeth when she is a healthy weight. Actually the break through came when she pinched some of her older siblings spicy pizza and we found something high in calories that she would eat. Lots of pizza for a year or so but gradually she started to eat more.

Food is such a difficult subject, feeding our children is a way of showing love and care so we can easily get hung up at one extreme or the other. I remember finding it quite strange that one of my DDs friends had been brought up as a vegetarian, her parents and siblings were meat eaters but her parents randomly decided she was going to be a vegetarian. As she hit teenage rebellion and lots of the friendship group got interested in becoming vegetarians she started eating meat. Another child in the class, from a vegetarian family, also rebelled by eating meat. Food is a way that children can suddenly exercise control, maybe by refusing food or over eating or refusing healthy food.

It is a minefield and I don't think there is an easy answer but perhaps moderation in all things is the closest we will get.

@Tabbacus

Nope, not cake with ‘lots of random veg chucked in.’ Not cake with any vegetables. Chocolate cake, sponge, roly poly. Sometimes little fairy cakes. Regular normal cakes. Choc ices, ice cream, or ice pops for pudding in summer.

People seem adamant that puddings don’t exist in nurseries but they very much do. I’ve worked in lots of different ones when I was an agency cover and every single one had normal puddings like cakes and biscuits - far more than the op child has had at the childminders from the sound of it.

In my annoyance I double negatived! "Not introducing sugar at an early age doesn't lead to an eating disorder"

@saffy2
Our normal dentist took a look at her teeth when we had a family appointment- and she hopped happily in the chair and opened her mouth as we had all just done the exact same thing- as I'd noticed she had a black mark on her front tooth. He was flabbergasted and told me we needed a specialist dentist! Shock horror & huge amounts of mum guilt. The specialist dentist told me it was 'widely' known that you shouldn't breastfeed in the night after 1 year of age. She was 2 at the time- BUT she had had whooping cough quite badly and I think it was the combination of all the extra feeds she'd needed/ wanted in the night due to coughing so much - and then vomiting- as well as the vomiting itself.. anyway it broke my heart. Poor little babe Xx hope you're little one is ok.
Ps she is now 23 and has gorgeous teeth and hardly any fillings 😂

I agree, best to hold out on sugar as long as you can and it’s a nuisance when others decide it’s ok to break your rules!! She’s you’re baby and you’re doing what you think is best for her. On a side note though… why did you get her a birthday cake she couldn’t enjoy… you could have made one with less sugar or put her candle on a fruity dessert, it’s a bit ‘meh’ that you basically got a cake for everyone else to enjoy 😝

[quote Maximum71]@saffy2
Our normal dentist took a look at her teeth when we had a family appointment- and she hopped happily in the chair and opened her mouth as we had all just done the exact same thing- as I'd noticed she had a black mark on her front tooth. He was flabbergasted and told me we needed a specialist dentist! Shock horror & huge amounts of mum guilt. The specialist dentist told me it was 'widely' known that you shouldn't breastfeed in the night after 1 year of age. She was 2 at the time- BUT she had had whooping cough quite badly and I think it was the combination of all the extra feeds she'd needed/ wanted in the night due to coughing so much - and then vomiting- as well as the vomiting itself.. anyway it broke my heart. Poor little babe Xx hope you're little one is ok.
Ps she is now 23 and has gorgeous teeth and hardly any fillings 😂[/quote]
My dentist said the same but I felt so bad at my preschool child needing a filling. He was thrilled and said he wanted a gold tooth which the dentist found hilarious.

I've never known a nursery not give the vegetable type cakes, I'd be that parent if they were giving regular ones.

@Kanaloa my son's nursery was fruit or nothing for pudding. School is a different matter....

@Tabbacus

I've never known a nursery not give the vegetable type cakes, I'd be that parent if they were giving regular ones.

I’ve genuinely never been at any nursery where they’ve given ‘vegetable cakes.’ I guess you must have been at one with a healthy eating programme or similar.

But realistically there’s no need to be ‘that parent.’ You can just say ‘I’ve brought in an apple for Jessica, please give her that at pudding.’ Then she’ll have an apple when the other kids have custard and cake.

@Tabbacus

I've never known a nursery not give the vegetable type cakes, I'd be that parent if they were giving regular ones.

I’ve genuinely never been at any nursery where they’ve given ‘vegetable cakes.’ I guess you must have been at one with a healthy eating programme or similar.

But realistically there’s no need to be ‘that parent.’ You can just say ‘I’ve brought in an apple for Jessica, please give her that at pudding.’ Then she’ll have an apple when the other kids have custard and cake.

Grabmygran It's my daughter's 6th birthday in a few weeks, we're having a small family party and I was planning on having a GLASS OF WINE (I know, the shame) . Now I've read the comments here I'm thinking I should give my daughter one too, right? And maybe my 3 year old? I mean otherwise they'll probably turn into drug dealers AND alchoholics???

@stilltiredinthemorning

Grabmygran It's my daughter's 6th birthday in a few weeks, we're having a small family party and I was planning on having a GLASS OF WINE (I know, the shame) . Now I've read the comments here I'm thinking I should give my daughter one too, right? And maybe my 3 year old? I mean otherwise they'll probably turn into drug dealers AND alchoholics???

No no, the wine is fine unless you are planning to stick a candle in it, sing happy birthday to her and then slurp it all down yourself 😂

@stilltiredinthemorning

Grabmygran It's my daughter's 6th birthday in a few weeks, we're having a small family party and I was planning on having a GLASS OF WINE (I know, the shame) . Now I've read the comments here I'm thinking I should give my daughter one too, right? And maybe my 3 year old? I mean otherwise they'll probably turn into drug dealers AND alchoholics???

😂😂😂😂😂

I am really sorry to hear that you are a mother of a child with eating disorders, But I wonder why you assume that other people have no knowledge of this condition? I have had an eating disorder all my life and I've written a number of articles about this subject. The reasons behind it are complex, I agree - but what I know is that being given mixed messages about food is one of the triggers for some of us. OP posted asking for responses - and I responded. Like many other people who replied I was surprised that she chose to buy and present a cake to her child and then eat it without including her child. My comment referred to my dismay at reading this - as someone who was given very mixed messages as a child. And subsequently got an eating disorder. However if is absolutely not my intention to shame parents of children with eating disorders. As you say it's a very complex issue.

You are Mum. You must be able to dictate what your child eats, especially as you are being very sensible.