AIBU to remove DD from this childminder?

[Grabmygran]

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

ate not are

If you are unhappy remove her.

As to the birthday cake no the child won't miss it so why bother with it if she wasn't going to have any. Shove a candle in a raspberry for her to blow out.

Are people missing the fact that she is a baby? A baby who a) doesn’t understand the concept of being left out because others have different food to her and b) who I haven’t yet introduced to cakes/sweets etc…not that I never will

Of course she’ll be allowed to have these things in moderation once she shows an interest

I think you’re a bit OTT about sugar (good luck when they get older), but when you’re paying for childcare it’s not unreasonable to expect them to take your views into account and provide food accordingly.

Not unreasonable at all to leave a cm for whatever reason you like, but you must give the appropriate contractual notice.

Why go to the effort of providing her with her own birthday cake then 😂 just get a cake for yourself if you fancy some cake!

@Grabmygran

Are people missing the fact that she is a baby? A baby who a) doesn’t understand the concept of being left out because others have different food to her and b) who I haven’t yet introduced to cakes/sweets etc…not that I never will

Of course she’ll be allowed to have these things in moderation once she shows an interest

And one day very soon she'll know she's being left out and you won't know that she's old enough to realise that until she's upset or withdrawn because of it.

If you haven't introduced her to cake don't buy her a cake.

I'm not missing the fact that she is a baby, but the best way to discourage the eating of sweet 'food' is to not eat it yourself.

What you demonstrated was that cake is a treat and that it's not for babies. That in time will make cake seem something to want.

As for the childminder, if she can't be arsed to listen to you, find one who can.

Yeah I suppose it just think it's odd as our philosophy is that we all eat and share food together and that DD is just as much a part of this family as the rest of us, so if we are all eating cake then she will be offered it too. It just seems like good manners to me, I suppose!

I do find it really weird you would go to the effort of a birthday cake and then not let her have any.
It just seems a bit pointless. Part of the fun of DD's first birthday was seeing her eating some of her cake! But we've always been relaxed about food I suppose!

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I think it's so sweet that she gets all excited about yoghurt and fruit, I can see her bouncing in my minds eye

Yes definitely change childminders. Processed sugar is just empty calories and rots teeth, look how many children are having to have all their teeth removed in hospital now.

Some people think children are deprived without sweet things which is nonsense.

You know most yogurts are the same empty calories and processed sugar? Unless the child is having plain yogurt which I doubt - it’s likely she’s having petit filous type which aren’t exactly the pinnacle of health.

Anyway you can move your child from a childminder for any reason you like. If it doesn’t suit, it doesn’t suit. I wouldn’t move a happy child from a childminder because she was given a donut on a child’s birthday but she’s not my child.

I expect the cake was for social media and photo ops… I doubt there’s a pic of her eating raspberries while you all scarf her cake

If you want to change CM then I would let her know why.

Just a slight word of caution - I thought I was doing absolutely the right thing when mine were younger; fruit and other "healthy" things for snacks, the occasional sweet treat or fizzy drink as they got older. I now have two who swig down Monster/Red Bull like it's going out of fashion, and one who would live on sweets and fast food given half a chance. They both say they are making up for lost time because they weren't allowed when they were younger :-(

@Grabmygran, I’m well aware of your dd’s age, it’s just that my experience of babies at that age is clearly different to yours. As far as I’m concerned my dd at that age would have been well aware we were eating something different to her in front of her and probably wanted to try it (which I would have let her). I don’t know, I think most people enjoy introducing the concept of birthdays and all the associated stuff that goes with it and the cake is part of that. Nothing wrong with your way or mine, just different.

It’s not the main point of your post anyway, and I agree that if your not happy with a CM you move your dc.

Also not sure why you would buy and eat a birthday cake for her birthday if you don’t want her having cake. Surely you could all have ‘munched happily’ on some raspberries if that’s the birthday girl’s favourite treat.

@Grabmygran - honestly - I'd ignore all the comments about the fact you are depriving her! 🤣 nowhere in your original post did you say you were going to continue to restrict sugar forever, but people seem to think that taking a sensible attitude to treats when a BABY means you are some sort of crazy health nut that will only ever give your child carrot sticks and hummus until they are 18...
I have 3 perfectly happy healthy kids with a healthy diet with the odd treat and none of them had cake on their first birthday..! They didn't have a clue it was their birthday for goodness sake! 😆

I am beginning to see why we have an obesity problem in this country...😉

This thread is bringing back memories!

For my DS's first birthday, I slaved over a sugar-free banana and coconut cake with fresh whipped dairy cream and raspberries. He loved it! I have photos of him with his face in his plate, cream in his hair. Everyone else, however, politely took a small piece and refused seconds.

Fast forward a couple of years and DS ate most of a shark-shaped, fondant covered supermarket monstrosity by himself (lockdown birthday).

But no, OP, YANBU. I wouldn't have wanted my LO having sugary snacks and doughnuts at that age. And I would be very cross if they were more than an occasional treat at nursery... treats are every now and again and kept for weekends and holidays in our house.

That would annoy me too! My CM does similar at times but only usually if it’s a birthday and she tells me first but she has taken them for chips and not told me and he came back with most of his lunch still! Now he’s older I have started packing a few treats now and then but he’s then said ‘oh I got some more chocolate too’ and I’m like ‘hmm that wasn’t the point’. She is young to have lots of sweet things so I do agree with your decision!

@Starcaller - pavlova seems like the obvious answer!

Is this some kind of weird way of boasting about your child eating fruit, you can move childminder for any reason you want, you must know that you don't have to continue with childcare that doesn't work for you, no need to tell them why unless they ask surely

"On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake
You didnt even give her a bite of her own birthday cake alongside her strawberries?"

Tbh I didn't give my dd birthday cake or any sweets until her 3rd birthday because she didnt know any better and didn't know what she is missing. I didn't want her to get a taste for sweets at such an young age. I reckon she might have had some stuff at preschool, but that i didn't mind. Now she is a bit older and has tasted sweet stuff I would give her sweets as a treat. At 14 months I don't think they know any better, they see us having stuff that they don't have anyway a lot of the time (like tea/ coffee etc) so it's no big deal imo. Also on their birthday they are mostly distracted by balloons and presents so cake is not top on their list of priorities.

I think you were right to take her out but not because the Childminder wasn't listening to you - it's actually ridiculous to ask a childminder not to allow one child to have a chocolate biscuit when all the others are. But the childminder and you do NOT have the same overall approach and therefore it's not the right setting for your DD. A childminder should be selected based on her providing a setting that fits with your preferred approach.

There are two childminders at our school who are militantly anti-sweets/chocolate/cake etc. Personally, I find both women extremely uptight and their habit of emailing round sugar-free cake recipes ahead of cake sales laughable. But, for other parents, they are wonderful because it totally meets their criteria.

To answer your OP, i would change the child minder as it is the not listening to the parent that would worry me more than the occasional treat.

Loving the suggestions that it was odd to have a cake at all and we should just have served everyone raspberries. Because that wouldn’t be odd either

Look, I’m not some kind of health nut here. DD loved the colours and candles on her pretty cake. Older DD loved helping her blow them out. DD loved her raspberries. The rest of us loved eating the cake. Everyone had a lovely time. I just wanted to ask advice about the childminder but I’m actually quite enjoying the fuss this is creating. I’ll get some popcorn (to eat while DD is napping before anyone accuses me of taunting her with delicious food she can’t have)

I'm with you - we don't give our 2 year old daughter added sugar, just fruit, which she absolutely loves and actively asks for. Our nursery offers a choice for parents who would rather their children have fruit than added sugar foods for pudding. It's not at all unusual. I would change too if I were you.
For all it's worth, I did actually make her a sugarless cake for her first birthday and she showed no interest. So I can well believe that your daughter was happy with her raspberries (a big favourite here too). And I also believe you're not stealth boasting!

I think, unless you can find a cm who buys into your (fairly extreme) position, then you may be better with a nanny.

Childminders provide homely care to a group of dc together, so aren't well placed to have wildly different rules in place. At a cm dc generally adjust to the routine of that home. Occasional sweet treats is not an unusual position, though obviously it is fine for parents to choose something different. I'm just not sure you can expect a cm to miss one dc out in that way.