AIBU to remove DD from this childminder?

[Grabmygran]

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

Of that was the only problem and everything else was good, I'd have kept the cm

100%
I'm a registered childminder. It's not about the sugar, it's the refusal to comply with your wishes. You are trusting this person to care for your child and have expressed things that you would like not to happen. These are not unreasonable asks. If your childminder can not respect this then yes move your child to a childminder who will. My son only likes chocolate because it was pushed and pushed on to him (by family members) until he decided he did like it. They are now trying to do the same with sweets. He tells them he doesn't like them but they are trying to convince him he does. I am not anti chocolate or anti sweets but why do people feel the need to keep pushing them on children until they eventually decide they like them??

Now I know where the (uncruel) parents who blend up their babies a McDonald’s reside!😂 OP don’t listen to the mentalists who are up in arms because you are trying to give your little one a good start. They’re the type to be flabbergasted when their chubby kids start losing their teeth before they’ve even started secondary school.

People gnashing and wailing that the poor baby is being deprived of sugary cake on its birthday illustrate exactly why there is an obesity epidemic in this country

'Gnashing and wailing' I know hyperbole is common on MN but this is one of the best examples so far. It's mostly people mildly amused 😆

I'm currently on week 2 of no sugar snacks and chocolate crap for ds 2.5. Believe me it's been like hell as he constantly demands and throws a tantrum going through every kitchen cupboard he can reach like a addict. It's partly my fault to keep him occupied during our holiday when travelling so I gave him some. You are right, 14 months is still very young to be exposed to so much sweet treats and your cm to ignore this. They get sweets through everything they eat anyway from their fruits to their meals and no need to give donuts and cakes and chocolates which all adds up.

OP as others have said, change the childminder. You are the employer and its your choice. As A side point, I did what you are doing with my own DCs. Ds now eats as much fruit as he can visibly see, and starts on the raw veg (without peeling carrots!) when that's gone. Adult DD seems to live on chocolate, buttery toast and cheese... Well I did try!

@liveforsummer

People gnashing and wailing that the poor baby is being deprived of sugary cake on its birthday illustrate exactly why there is an obesity epidemic in this country

'Gnashing and wailing' I know hyperbole is common on MN but this is one of the best examples so far. It's mostly people mildly amused 😆

Speak for yourself, I've been crying rending my clothes, I've rang social services, I've spat tea all over my phone smashed up the fruit isle in Tesco with a crow bar and I'm only just calming down now.

@Grabmygran

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

I think you seriously need to re-evaluate why you are so concerned about your child having a small, balanced snack. It's OK to have a treat. What's not OK is to make her sit there without a treat while everyone else eats chocolate and cake in front of her - It's hypocritical and spiteful.

Are you overweight OP? Is that why?

Speaking as someone whose Mother was exactly the same - Let me tell you now...it never turns out well. You will end up with a sneaky eater and a child with an eating disorder. If you don't male eating sweet treats, in moderation an issue, then there won't be an issue when she is older.

Don't put your future teenager into an unhealthy situation which you can nip in the bud now.

I allowed my 3 children to have sweet treats and I don't have the same problem with them that I did when I was a child/teenager.

I also study this field and work in it, so I'm not wilfully assuming here.

I'm just jealous your second born I'd blissfully unaware/uninterested in what others are eating at 14 months! My baby is 9 months old and a complete gannet, if her poor big sister has any food at all when baby isn't securely strapped into her high chair she ends up holding it above her head and yelling for help while baby tries to climb her like a tree to get at it! By and large drops it on the carpet once she's got her hands on it mind you, whwther it's cucumber or chocolate biscuits. Babies are just contrary ime.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Why would she? It’s not like the baby would know. And once they taste sugar, they want it all the time*

The OP refers to it as the childs cake. Pretty crap then, to buy her a cake she is not allowed to eat. Get a sugar free one if necessary, or get the stick out of your arse and give her a dollop of it on her plate.

Several people have made similar comments. I didn’t get the impression that the child wasn’t ‘allowed’ cake. Who would buy a chis a birthday cake that they’re it allowed to eat?

Speak for yourself, I've been crying rending my clothes, I've rang social services, I've spat tea all over my phone smashed up the fruit isle in Tesco with a crow bar and I'm only just calming down now.
Did the raspberries take the brunt of the fruit grudge? Were you denied cake on your birthday too? OP has been warned about this sort of thing!

Myfaceismown actually you do not "employ" a childminder. They provide a service that you pay for. If you did employ them you would be responsible for their wage, tax, ni, pension contributions, holiday pay, sick pay etc etc. The childminder can give you notice to discontinue to care for your child as you can give notice to stop using their services. Childminders have to go through a rigorous process and are registered with ofsted and are police checked. They have to regularly train and keep up to date with policies, first aid and early care and education as well as doing tax returns and accounts. They are self employed business owners not employees of the parents/carers of the children they mind.

@Cutesbabasmummy

You should put her in nursery where cake is pretty much not available. However what was the point of a birthday cake if you ate it?! Did you even offer her a bit? I'm.rveruthing in moderation. Nothing is off limits apart from fizzy drinks and my 6 year old still chooses apples over cake often!

Cake is available at lots of nurseries - most of them in my experience. At every nursery I’ve worked at there is a pudding after lunch and tea every day. After tea it is usual yogurt or fruit. After lunch normally custard and cake, ice cream, jelly, or something like that.

Childminder issue: I wouldn’t be happy. Agree at 14 months a toddler doesn’t need sugar or sweet. Lemon curd sandwich?! Wtf? I also introduced chocolate/sugary things as late as possible with DS1 for the reasons your saying (DS2 was a bit different because he saw DS1 and also DS1 dropped some chocolate once near him snd that was that). I would change childminder.

Re the cake, a few things:

1. personally I think it’s odd if by 12 months your child isn’t aware of what others are eating and wants it!
2. it’s not like not sharing an Easter egg or something similar, it’s their fucking birthday. THEIR birthday. If you don’t want to give them cake (even just the sponge? No icing?) DO NOT buy any cake. I don’t understand people saying “baby doesn’t understand”; would you extend this principle to someone with severe learning difficulties or dementia etc?! Someone not having the ability to understand doesn’t mean you can do something objectively shitty to them.

@saffy2
Hi, from (horrible) experience I do know that breastfeeding (at night ) causes cavities due to the none / extremely limited production of saliva while one sleeps. Good luck xx

@Justheretoaskaquestion91
Your comment:
Re the cake, a few things:

1. personally I think it’s odd if by 12 months your child isn’t aware of what others are eating and wants it!
2. it’s not like not sharing an Easter egg or something similar, it’s their fucking birthday. THEIR birthday. If you don’t want to give them cake (even just the sponge? No icing?) DO NOT buy any cake. I don’t understand people saying “baby doesn’t understand”; would you extend this principle to someone with severe learning difficulties or dementia etc?! Someone not having the ability to understand doesn’t mean you can do something objectively shitty to them.*

I find this a Massive overreaction from you. It was a 1 year old birthday... she was happy to eat raspberries... what's the problem? She might have been aware of the cake - but uninterested in it (yay!) it's not like it has any added benefits whatsoever to the baby.. why are you so mad? X*

i find this a Massive overreaction from you. It was a 1 year old birthday... she was happy to eat raspberries... what's the problem? She might have been aware of the cake - but uninterested in it (yay!) it's not like it has any added benefits whatsoever to the baby.. why are you so mad?

Why would I be mad? What an odd assumption - not my baby and not really my problem. I just can’t stand when people treat children and babies as “less” because they think they don’t understand. It’s a bit shitty IMO. In particular to purchase a birthday cake when it’s someone’s birthday and then eat it in front of them without them having any. It’s just an odd thing to do.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91
It was the way you threw 'fucking' and 'shitty' into the conversation - it made you seem like you were mad.

Childminder here. Not OP's Childminder.

The EYFS actually states that Childminders should be promoting healthy diets and good dental hygiene (ie being cautious of sugar). Sounds like this doesn't really fit with that. Treats that I do are a Christmas party with something like mini rolls and party rings. That's pretty much it apart from the occasional biscuit. However I always ask parents what their preferences are. A child was given a lolly at school for a birthday treat and I held onto it to ask Mum who said no.

It's not so much about the food though, it's the not listening to your wishes. Usually there are two sides to every story so I would urge you to try talking to your Childminder again. If you remove your daughter she'll need to settle all over again so I think to remove a child from a setting there should be a very good reason. I'm not saying you don't have one, I'm just saying maybe give it one last shot but be crystal clear and perhaps say you're wondering if this is the right setting if your views on this topic don't align.

Oh wow this thread is still going…

To answer a few new comments:

1. where have I said that my child is not reaching out to try other people’s foods? She doesn’t when she’s got a bowl of her favourite food though!

2. No I’m not overweight, I wondered when this would come up I’m also not ‘concerned’ about giving her sugary foods. I just don’t feel that she’s ready to try them yet. There is no value in it.

To answer some other constantly repeated comments:

1. calling me nasty, shitty or bonkers for buying a cake and not giving her any are is so ridiculous. She loved the pretty cake and blowing out the candles with her sister. When everyone else came to eat it she was happily tucking into a bowl of raspberries so really should I have then chosen that moment to give her another sugary plate of food and introduced that to her palate? Doesn’t seem like a great decision to me.

2. please give over with the disordered eating comments. Of course you must restrict certain foods otherwise most toddlers would choose to live on crisps, chicken nuggets and ice cream. I have a perfectly normal older DD who gets cake etc in moderation but also eats a variety of healthier foods too. DD will be introduced to refined sugar in a way I feel is age appropriate.

It makes me sad that other parents are so quick to pile on to someone who has a slightly different approach to them.

So why didn't you just eat raspberries instead of cake on her birthday?

@Whenigrowupiwanttobea

So why didn't you just eat raspberries instead of cake on her birthday?

Is this the new ‘cancel the cheque’? 😂

this thread is the definition of insanity, hats off to @HauntedPencil for the best reply of the night.

Cake is available at lots of nurseries - most of them in my experience. At every nursery I’ve worked at there is a pudding after lunch and tea every day. After tea it is usual yogurt or fruit

It's not like shop bought 'normal cake' though is it, they're low sugar with all sorts of random veg chucked in.

[quote Maximum71]@saffy2
Hi, from (horrible) experience I do know that breastfeeding (at night ) causes cavities due to the none / extremely limited production of saliva while one sleeps. Good luck xx [/quote]
So interesting as all the breastfeeding experts are adamant that’s not the case. She doesn’t feed through the night, only before bed these days. So hopefully not too much of an issue. I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences ❤️