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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pissed of at being hit on

394 replies

CloneWars · 16/11/2021 12:29

NC for this.

I joined a local sports team a few months ago. There's often joint training with the men's team and we also play mixed games. One particular guy was really friendly and welcoming and I thought we were building up a bit of a friendship. I should point out at this point, I do not/have never fancied this guy.

We have a WhatsApp group for both teams but then he started messaging me privately. Initially it was all to do with the sport, he was very complimentary about me etc, having a bit of banter but then he started to test the water, started saying a few things that made me feel a bit uncomfortable, which I tried to bat off. He's now become quite blatant (via message) about the fact that he'd like to shag me.

I'm really pissed off because firstly he's married with kids and secondly that he's taken a bit of (what I thought) was friendly banter and is trying to get his end away. I've tried to make it clear that I'm not interested but he's pretty persistent.

I now feel like I either have to tell him to fuck off - which is going to make things really awkward as he is quite influential at the sports team. Or walk away from the whole thing, which would be so disappointing as I really enjoy going and there aren't any other teams in the local area. Or, try and distance myself but accept that things are going to be awkward.

I'm not sure what the AIBU is - because I know that I'm not! I'm not fucking interested in this bloke but I just don't know the best way to handle it. Help!

OP posts:
Fatgalslim · 16/11/2021 12:43

Block him? Just a thought

Fatgalslim · 16/11/2021 12:44

Oh and keep the messages so when you do tell him to fuck off, you can show others evidence why

idontlikealdi · 16/11/2021 12:46

Just block the messages and carry in with your sport

Lovelymincepies · 16/11/2021 12:46

Have you actually just told him that you are not interested in him??

saltandherbsandnothingnice · 16/11/2021 12:47

Grr so annoying when men put us in this position. I think I would respond less and less but keep it polite and neutral so you can keep going. Don't let him stop you from enjoying this!

shouldistop · 16/11/2021 12:48

How have you made it clear? Have you told him you're not interested?

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 16/11/2021 12:49

Screen shot the in case he deletes them. Then tell him to fuck off and that if you find yourself treated differently at the club the other members and his wife will receive the screenshots.

Sirzy · 16/11/2021 12:52

Just be blunt and tell him in no uncertain terms that you aren’t interested in anything other the friendship and If he carries on being a knob then you won’t want that either.

FrangipaniBlue · 16/11/2021 12:52

There's a whole spectrum of responses, none of which need to be as dramatic as telling him to fuck off or leaving the sports team or threatening him with screenshots Confused

GiantHaystacks2021 · 16/11/2021 12:54

Oh dear.
I would screenshot everything and back that up.
Just be clear - tell him no.

Gardeningcreature · 16/11/2021 12:56

Good idea to screen shot all messages in case he try’s to discredit you.
I would ignore his messages.
Don’t comment on any of the posts he posts in the public forum but do engage with other members.
If he does try and discredit you or blame you in any way then publicly show all his messages so that everyone, including his wife can see.
Keep going to the club but make sure you keep a distance from him.
Is there anyone you can confide in at the club?

CloneWars · 16/11/2021 13:01

He's quite manipulative with his messages, I mean he blatantly wants a shag, but then he's all 'ooh I don't know what you mean 'wink wink' when I pull him up on it.

So far I've been trying to let him down gently as I would never shag a married man and secondly I don't find him attractive anyway. I'm in a relationship myself and that still doesn't seem to put this guy off!

I'm annoyed with myself because what I thought was banter in the beginning (I can be a bit crude) has obviously backfired and now I wonder, have a lead him on in some way? I just cannot get over how blatant this guy is, he's got an answer for everything.

I haven't yet bluntly told him I'm not interested (my fault I know) as I think he'll either turn on me or make out like I'm imagining the whole thing. Last week he offered to send me a picture of his dick. I said NO! and he kept saying are you sure? I can send it over right now etc!

OP posts:
Yousexybugger · 16/11/2021 13:06

Hm. I think I would be stuck between 'quietly block' and texting 'I'm interested in kite boarding/ jousting, not flirting with married men, can we change the subject please?' then fading my responses. And probably quietly blocking. Depends. Has he said anything overt or is it yucky little hints so that he can play innocent if challenged?

Definitely keep the messages in case he tries to start any gossip about you.

Yousexybugger · 16/11/2021 13:07

Oops sorry OP, cross post

CloneWars · 16/11/2021 13:08

That's ok! Yes you've hit the nail on the head - yucky little hints! But ones that he could probably chat his way out of

OP posts:
Notashandyta · 16/11/2021 13:09

You haven't told him you're not interested?

Just tell him.

shouldistop · 16/11/2021 13:09

Just stop replying to him

CloneWars · 16/11/2021 13:09

Things like oh I hope you wear a really sexy dress for the Xmas party. After party at yours, just you and me yeah? I know what you really want, I've got you all figured out etc etc

OP posts:
Yousexybugger · 16/11/2021 13:10

If he's offered to send a dick pic and kept asking when you've said no then definitely block him. No point trying to engage this knobhead, he's obviously not just read the room incorrectly.

CloneWars · 16/11/2021 13:10

Yes you're absolutely right, I need to make it VERY clear that I'm not interested.

Any ideas how I can phrase it in a diplomatic way or should I just not bother and say bluntly I'm not interested

OP posts:
SillyLittleBiscuit · 16/11/2021 13:12

I’d message and say something like I’m not interested in flirting with married men, let alone anything else, so I’m bowing out of any further conversations.

CloneWars · 16/11/2021 13:12

Urgh I just know what he's like. If I say look I'm not interested can you just leave it. He'll turn it back on me, oh it was only banter etc, I wasn't being serious

OP posts:
rookiemere · 16/11/2021 13:13

Send him a message stating you're not interested in him and as you'd rather not keep receiving inappropriate messages, you're going to block him - and do that.
If he brings it up when you're next at the club, I'd talk loudly about him wanting to send you dick pics, Hopefully people will see what a sleaze he is.
It's such a bloody minefield. I'm middle aged and chubby, still had some random Canadian hitting on me at the theatre - but all skilfully done so it could be denied - just told him the theatre wasn't DHs thing and stopped talking to him.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 16/11/2021 13:13

Ok he’s being blatant enough. Just tell him you’re not interested

CloneWars · 16/11/2021 13:13

He's just made me feel so awkward that I don't even want to go to training this week. Fucks sake why do men do this?

OP posts:
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