To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

If you told your friend that you're uninviting the christening kid so she can stay for the whole day# would she?

She accepted your invitation first. Correct etiquette is to attend the event you accepted the invite for first. Anything else is rude. She cant attend the christening and has no need to if she doesnt need to drive the other child around.

Jesus. Who in their right mind could actually give a shit about things like this?

It seems to me that the issue is not about the christening, more that you cannot have a catch-up with this person you have not seen for "yonks". Here's a radical idea OP, when you see them at the party, arrange a date where you can talk properly. I mean how are you going to be able to have a proper chat if you have to supervise kids? Stop being a drama queen and try being a grown-up.

@unfortunateevents

"Why are you avoiding saying how old your child is?" - for the same reason we aren't being told what the venue is - apart from relaxing and with "full facilities", I expect!

I have a feeling it's a first birthday extravaganza

"The kids will be taken away in the middle of it, not get to do a quarter of the stuff including the really fun part which the venue ends parties with etc." - are you taking them to Disney for the day?! Because seriously, unless you are then no-one cares!

Honestly it doesn't matter. The child is still coming for most of it anyway. Nothing to get angry about.

Op, you obviously don't think YABU regardless of all the responses so why bother posting?
I don't see there is anything to make of it, she can't come to your DC's birthday party, it's no big deal

OP where are you? I've got a toddler who can take their space if it's as good as you're making it sound...

You really hate this woman don't you. You're desperately looking for a reason to be mortally offended.

No one else cares about your child's birthday (and that's ok) they're trying to make something work and this child / baby is likely way too young to care about your all singing and dancing venue anyway.

@ImUninsultable

If you told your friend that you're uninviting the christening kid so she can stay for the whole day# would she?

She accepted your invitation first. Correct etiquette is to attend the event you accepted the invite for first. Anything else is rude. She cant attend the christening and has no need to if she doesnt need to drive the other child around.

It's her own child's christening.

Literally no one considers a child’s birthday party a relaxing day
Absolutely this. It was one the good thimgs about the kids getting older is that we didn't have to do parties anymore.

I always put my self in the ops shoes before I reply to a thread
I can honestly say I would not get my knickers on a twist over this.
I take the view about parties that the invite is out there, come if you can. Sure she knew the date but the christening is her priority.

Would love to know

• the age of your child, and the other children involved
• what the venue is
• what the times of the party are

I’m imagining a children’s farm/ petting zoo type place.

YABU though

It’s just a children’s party! You always get drop outs, never mind people leaving a bit early. A christening is important, and takes priority.

YABVU

Her baby's christening is far more important than a birthday party (for believers,, obviously). She'd obviously accept the date the church gives her regardless of your child's birthday party. You're being completely unreasonable.

"I have a feeling it's a first birthday extravaganza" - indeed. School birthday parties where at least one child forgets completely, three parents escape without leaving any contact details, one brings two siblings and one isn't collected until 90 mins after the party ends are going to come as a shock!

Also imagining it’s a first birthday party and the baby’s will barely notice “all the things to do”

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

Op I feel like you are ignoring everyone who is telling you that getting baptism dates are a nightmare ATM. You have to grab the good dates with both hands and commit to it. Babies have continued to being born throughout the whole pandemic and they are still catching up in most parishes.

Also I'm desperate to know what sort of venue must be enjoyed across a whole day?

Then grab one that's not on the same day as a event that you've already accepted an invite too, and that your relative (also a close mate of the party host) has already accepted an invite to, how's that for an idea.

It's a half day due to covid would be a full day normally.

Desperate to know? Have you never attended or hosted kids parties? I'd have thought it would be patently obvious which party venues could take hours.

You’re trying to make this an issue when it isn’t one

Babies

@girlmom21

OP where are you? I've got a toddler who can take their space if it's as good as you're making it sound...

I'd always choose a one-off event like a christening over a random birthday party, even if the christening invite came afterwards.
You won't be able to 'catch up' with your mate anyway if you're hosting the party.
Organise a special catch up at another time.

A day long party sounds fucking horrific for all the parents involved. Frankly I'd be delighted to have a solid gold plated reason for leaving early.

When DD was about ten months old we were invited to a kid's first birthday: it was four HOURS long and they were all given a book instead of a party bag. Because kids under one can sit and read nicely. It was dreadful - the kids were all needing naps, and the parents tearing their hair out making conversation with strangers for hours on end.

Don't do it to people OP - kids parties should be SAS style. Get in, get out, and hope nobody gets killed.

Here's an idea - if it means so much to you why don't you look after the child for the day (pretend it's your DC's sibling - those of us with more than one DC host partners whilst supervising multiple offspring) and take it home with you afterwards? Then the woman can collect her child after the Christening or you or your partner can take it back home.

Job done.

omg how old are these children???? is a first birthday ? 5th ? how old are we talking here

You really need to chill @OP. It’s a birthday party, it’s your child’s birthday party, not hers. She doesn’t need to be there. She needs to be at her child’s christening. Which happens once, not annually.

@ImUninsultable

If you told your friend that you're uninviting the christening kid so she can stay for the whole day# would she?

She accepted your invitation first. Correct etiquette is to attend the event you accepted the invite for first. Anything else is rude. She cant attend the christening and has no need to if she doesnt need to drive the other child around.

Thank you for your uncharacteristically (for aibu) kind and decent input.

My relative/friend can't not attend the christening, it's her siblings child.

She's been put in this position by this woman.