To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

I’m not sure what the issue is either. Would you have gone to the christening if it was a different date? Is the christening stopping other important family members from attending your child’s party? Are you annoyed because it’s overshadowed your sons birthday celebrations? You haven’t made that aspect clear.

I'd make nothing of it sometimes these things happen. Most of us don't have infallible memories.

The cake cutting? It's a child's birthday, not a wedding!

@girlmom21

So her kids still coming to the party and you're not close enough to her to be invited to the christening?

I don't see the issue.

We may have been invited if not for covid rules.

@Clymene

The cake cutting? It's a child's birthday, not a wedding!

This!

A christening is considered very important, a child's birthday is only important to the child and maybe their parents.
Admit it, you either hate this woman, or the world revolves around you?

Wow so even on the day of her child's christening she's going to prioritise making sure the child still attends your party for a bit? I think this is fine and I would have expected her to cancel completely tbh!

YABU. It's a party, and she's missing it for her own child's christening, which is a) more important to her and b) I imagine quite tricky to get dates for if the churches near me are anything to go by.

If you're close enough to be annoyed she's not attending your child's birthday, would you not also be invited to the christening?

You can’t be that close if you’re not going to the christening?

@Wimpeyspread

I think your child is not the centre of the world, and to her, her child’s christening is more important.

This.

She may well have been given very little choice of date by the priest/vicar/minister. (I’m a church goer.)
It’s not great, but won’t have an impact on your child’s enjoyment of their party. Let the two who are leaving take party bags if you’re doing them and just say goodbye to them. I wouldn’t rush the cake & candles for them - if they leave before, so be it.

I thought you were going to say that she had invited everyone you were expecting at the birthday party to the christening, thus creating a clash for the guests. Doesn't sound like it though.

Honestly not a big deal. In the nicest possible way, other people's birthday parties are not such a big deal.

I also don't see the issue here.

What do you make of it?

Not sure I am the perfect target audience but I'd make nothing of it. I wouldn't really be bothered about who did, or did not, attend a child's birthday party.

The christening is far more important- it's good of her to bring her child to the party at all.

@Allsortsofroses

That should have read "She has now suggested another relative take her child..."

The other relative is someone I've been quite close to, but haven't got to see much of her (or her child) because of covid etc. She'll have to leave, with her child and "double booker's" child, in the middle of the party. It's a medium sized where it would be noticeable. It's also cutting short and hugely rushing the kids day at the venue, which has a lot to do.

Still don't get why you are grumpy. Would you rather the other relative and both kids just didn't come now? If so, you should withdraw the invite for them all.

I doubt your DC will notice them leaving.

Is the christening stopping other important family members from attending your child’s party?

It's causing a family member I'm close to and her family to not be able to settle and enjoy the full party; and venue which has a lot for kids .... it will be a hit and run for them instead of the fun, relaxing day ot could have been. And the venuee is quite far from them so they're doing quite a drive, bit will not be able to really make use of the place or see it.

I think the while thing is rude, selfish, and inconsiderate.

And she's not making any gesture by sending her child, she wants them out from.underfoot while she sets up her party, that's been implied.

I don't see the issue, she's trying to make sure the child will still attend the party. Do you not like her?

At least she told you.

The number of unexplained 'no shows' at children's parties always staggers me.

@Allsortsofroses

The kid is still coming for as much of the party as they can.

She's making my relative, who's also my mate who I haven't seen in yonks for various reasons (nor her daughter) leave half way through an event to attend her event, (which she booked on the same day after accepting invite to mine).

Sounds like she’s using your party for childcare to get ready for her christening but she’s not making your mate leave your party. Your mate has a choice and it’s up to her which one she goes to (although I do think if it’s not the one she accepted first then she’s rude).

Why are you so upset that a child won't be able to attend all of your child's birthday party? It not like walking out of a wedding during the vows??

I really think you need to lighten up. There are lots of stuff to get worked up about but this definitely isn't one. Have you never had clashes off dates after accepting an invite?? It's all part of having a busy life.

I imagine the other mum is a relatively new mum if it's a christening. She would be crazy to not accept a date for a christening due to a kids party.

If you uninvited the child having the christening, well suggest they don’t come to make their life easier. Then will your friend be able to stay for the whole party?

"it will be a hit and run for them instead of the fun, relaxing day ot could have been"

I hope youdint mean 'day' literally !

Your PFB will cope

Would you rather the other relative and both kids just didn't come now? If so, you should withdraw the invite for them all.

No, because I'd like to see my relative/friend and her family.

And I'd like them at my child's party.

But my relative/mate has to rush around and cut the event short because this woman accepts invites, and knows other people accepted an invite, but then books things on on same date.