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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Girls having to say when they have their period

341 replies

Cliff1975 · 15/11/2021 08:39

My daughter is 13, year 8. On friday she got into trouble for answering a teacher back and arguing (agree totally out of order). However, it was over asking to go to the toilet in PE, 5 minutes after lunch (although it was after they had changed so can't have been 5 minutes. Anyway it all escalated out of proportion but my question is this, is it reasonable for a teacher to say that if agirl says it is her time of the month she will be allowed to go if not no. I mean why should they have to share this? Ho will the teacher know if they are being truthful anyway? My daughter, who is no shrinking violet was mortified that the teacher ended up shouting this with about 5 teachers present. I have told her not to answer back, argue etc but I have to admit part of me is proud of her. Some girls would be mortified being asked if it is the time of the month. Honest opinions please. I was a teacher myself for 20 years so I know kids try it on to get out of lesson but is that worth humiliating girls for who are genuine? I can't help thinking this is a power tri p for the teacher.

OP posts:

ufucoffee · 15/11/2021 08:46

Have you spoken to the school about this to get their side of the story?

gogohm · 15/11/2021 08:48

5 mins (or even 10 mins) is pretty unreasonable unless she's literally just felt it start because she should have gone at lunchtime. If a young lady has specific issues with her periods eg sudden flooding, then the school should be notified and a discreet pass be given to show teachers but it sounds like someone trying to get out of pe to me ... the sort of thing I did!

SirChenjins · 15/11/2021 08:49

No, no girl/woman should have to tell anyone they have their period, but I'd definitely speak to the school to get a more rounded picture of the conversation.

CallmeHendricks · 15/11/2021 08:51

Why would you assume it's a power trip for the teacher?
More likely to be irritation with the number of kids pulling every trick in the book to get out of lessons.

claymodels · 15/11/2021 08:52

@gogohm

Nobody asked you to analyse why the OPDD asked to use the toilet

This kind of attitude is the whole problem as well. 5 minutes/10 minutes? Who cares. If she needs to go she needs to go and it's absolutely nobody's fucking business why.

A pass to get out because of period problems can you hear yourself how about no because the toilet is a basic level right

Sirzy · 15/11/2021 08:53

5 minutes after dinner I think the teacher had a very valid point!

As a former teacher I am sure your more than aware of the issues toilets and schools create

DDUW · 15/11/2021 08:54

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Sam020 · 15/11/2021 08:56

No I don't think anyone should have to divulge something so personal but also what if she didn't have her period but needed to go really urgently?

Of course, it's annoying for the teacher andxshe should have gone during lunch but would they rather someone pee their pants? Genuine question by the way. I'd let them use the toilet but maybe give some other punishment / telling off if it happens repeatedly.

Aprilx · 15/11/2021 08:57

No that should not be necessary. By the same token, I don’t know why your daughter could not be a little less difficult and go before class not five minutes into it. I had heavy periods since the age of 12 and don’t recall ever needing special toilet exemptions.

WildExcuses · 15/11/2021 09:00

It’s a shame that some teachers still act like this. My kids are polite and well behaved but I’ve always told them if anything like this happens, if they‘be asked politely and been refused, then they are to just walk out, use the toilet and we’ll sort out the teacher issue at a later time.

I remember when I was at secondary school, a child setting themselves in year 7 after being refused 3 times to go to the toilet and a girl in year 8 flooding on her period, again after asking to use the toilet and being refused. That will never happen to my children.

Thankfully my kids school has always been sensible about this so we’ve had no issues. My friends daughter and apparently lots of other girls at the school she attends have been given bathroom passes as the it was an issue with certain teachers refusing.

Talk to the school, see what they have to say and go from there. But there’s no way I’d put up with my child being refused to go to the toilet.

nokidshere · 15/11/2021 09:03

had heavy periods since the age of 12 and don’t recall ever needing special toilet exemptions.

Well aren't you the lucky one 🙄

No one should be asked why they need, or refused, a toilet break.

BungleandGeorge · 15/11/2021 09:03

Some of the problem is that many schools have cut down their lunch break to 30-40 minutes. After they’ve queued for lunch there’s no time. Biology is such that the fluid actually needs to be absorbed before you need the loo. Personally I think kids should be able to go when go when they need, especially girls who have smaller bladders, periods and more prone to infections. If there’s some issue with the toilets then they need to sort that out as a separate thing.

Missey85 · 15/11/2021 09:04

You lost me when you said 5minutes after lunch I'd be annoyed too if I was the teacher she had all lunch to go

RicherThanYew · 15/11/2021 09:08

@BungleandGeorge I agree, the lunch hour has gone down to 35 minutes at the high school here and queue time is 20 because only year 13 students are allowed to leave the schooo for lunch.

WildExcuses · 15/11/2021 09:08

Some of the problem is that many schools have cut down their lunch break to 30-40 minutes.

Yes, that’s a good point. At secondary school, our lunch (back in the day 🤣) was 1hr 25 minutes long....my daughters is 30 minutes. If they get out late, it’s even shorter. My daughter just takes a snack and eats lunch when she gets home at 3.30. She says lots of kids hardly drink cos there’s no time to eat, drink and use the toilet.

Skysblue · 15/11/2021 09:13

😭

claymodels · 15/11/2021 09:20

@Aprilx

'She should be less difficult'

'I managed without'

Can you see what you are doing here? It's every bit as damaging as the teachers behaviour.

Aprilx · 15/11/2021 09:20

@nokidshere

had heavy periods since the age of 12 and don’t recall ever needing special toilet exemptions.

Well aren't you the lucky one 🙄

No one should be asked why they need, or refused, a toilet break.

No not lucky. I just go to the loo during breaks. It’s not rocket science.

claymodels · 15/11/2021 09:21

No not lucky. I just go to the loo during breaks. It’s not rocket science.

Just as well really because anyone who can't understand that we are not all the same as them sure ain't going to be breaking record as a rocket scientist.

cherrytreecottage · 15/11/2021 09:22

[quote RicherThanYew]@BungleandGeorge I agree, the lunch hour has gone down to 35 minutes at the high school here and queue time is 20 because only year 13 students are allowed to leave the schooo for lunch.[/quote]
I was just about to say this same thing, DSD's lunch break has gone down to 35 minutes, providing they get out of their last lesson before lunch bang on time.
By the time they queue for canteen which is often 20 minutes and actually eat their lunch; they have to start heading to their next lesson so they're there by the bell or they're then in trouble.
If lunch time was an hour like when we were at school then there's no way we'd have been allowed to go toilet 5 minutes after but when you're halving their break time it's pretty unfair..if I downed a drink I'd need the loo 10 minutes later too!

Either way, I don't think anyone should have to disclose that they're on their period - it's personal. Also, like OP said; if that's their rule every girl will simply say it's their time of the month if they need to use the toilet!

Couchbettato · 15/11/2021 09:22

I never used to go to the toilet at lunch because it was never a private place at lunch time to sort out my ridiculously heavy flow.

There'd be girls banging on the door, school bullies loitering about. It was fucking awful.

So idgaf the issues it causes to the school, on an individual basis no, she shouldn't have to explain herself.

endofagain · 15/11/2021 09:23

A 30 minute lunch break and no opportunity to use the toilet later is ridiculous. Of course children will not eat or drink if this is the case.

Suspiciousmind20 · 15/11/2021 09:25

I think that’s unacceptable. It’s a basic human right to be able to go to the toilet when needed. She shouldn’t have to explain why. Teachers shouldn’t be able to dictate whether a child can go to the loo or not.

If kids use that as a way of getting out of lessons regularly then talk to the child and parents about it to see what the situation is and why they feel the need to do this.

It’s a total lack of respect for children and young people IMO. Behaviour management doesn’t have to be this authoritarian, top down process. Although with such massive schools it’s very hard to implement more authoritative ways.

SickAndTiredAgain · 15/11/2021 09:25

5 mins (or even 10 mins) is pretty unreasonable unless she's literally just felt it start because she should have gone at lunchtime

Even if that’s that case, what are you suggesting? Let her bleed through whatever protection she has as some kind of lesson?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 15/11/2021 09:26

No not lucky. I just go to the loo during breaks. It’s not rocket science

If you really have had heavy periods since the age of 12 then yes you were/are lucky that just going to the toilet during breaks was enough

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