Girls having to say when they have their period

[Cliff1975]

My daughter is 13, year 8. On friday she got into trouble for answering a teacher back and arguing (agree totally out of order). However, it was over asking to go to the toilet in PE, 5 minutes after lunch (although it was after they had changed so can't have been 5 minutes. Anyway it all escalated out of proportion but my question is this, is it reasonable for a teacher to say that if agirl says it is her time of the month she will be allowed to go if not no. I mean why should they have to share this? Ho will the teacher know if they are being truthful anyway? My daughter, who is no shrinking violet was mortified that the teacher ended up shouting this with about 5 teachers present. I have told her not to answer back, argue etc but I have to admit part of me is proud of her. Some girls would be mortified being asked if it is the time of the month. Honest opinions please. I was a teacher myself for 20 years so I know kids try it on to get out of lesson but is that worth humiliating girls for who are genuine? I can't help thinking this is a power tri p for the teacher.

Using the toilet is a basic human right. I don't care if its 30 seconds after lunch or 2 minutes before the end of class. If you need to use the toilet, you need to use the toilet. If you need to use it frequently, you need to use it. Some people have personal medical issues. Any pisstakers are at their own loss and that's something their parents would have to discuss with them. Most people are not going to the toilet to mess around.

Wow some posters’ attitudes on this are absolutely archaic. My daughter is 11, in year 7 at a new school. She is petrified of flooding, leaking, people knowing. She is the only one of her friends to have her period. She finds it traumatic enough without having to worry whether she’ll be allowed to use the toilet and would be totally mortified to have to tell people why. I don’t think anyone should have to divulge their personal info like this. I have a bowel disease - would you want detail when I need to go? Or would you make me wait? I know an 8 year old who has started her periods - should she need to explain too? It is really upsetting that some people think this is ok.

She won't be the only year 7 girl who has periods and her anxiety sounds extreme.

When I was at school it was absolutely standard IN PE LESSONS that menstruating girls could ask to be excused and just told the teacher "I've got my period". No further explanation was required though I know there were assorted reasons we cried off PE
( cramps or leaks or didn't want to use the communal changing room and showers during period. )..

I'm pretty sure the same reasons still exist and PE teachers take it for granted that they'll be informed about periods.

Your DD is relatively new to menstruation ,   help her understand   her periods  are not an embarrassment , just normal everyday  part of womanhood.  She will follow your lead,  so please,  don't refer to  PE teacher  open-ness   as  "humiliation".

Urgh, I hate this! If I needed the toilet at school, I just went, whether it was for period related reasons or I just needed to go. I asked my teacher politely but if the answer was no, I just went anyway. Sorry but if you need to go, you need to go.
I have horrendous periods, I can be fine one minute and then flood everywhere the next, to where it’s actually pouring down my legs. I’m a teacher myself (not currently working) and I’ve had many times while teaching where I’m literally gushing away in the middle of my lesson and have had to signal my TA that I need to go and she’s covered for me to go sort myself out. I know how it feels so I’d never do it to my pupils. You come to realise who are genuine and who are time wasters anyway.

@FranklyADick

I haven't read the full thread but just wanted to ask if the teacher left the class unattended 5 minutes after the start of a lesson, because they needed to go to the toilet and had not had time at lunchtime, would you as a parent complain? Or is it only children who have the basic right to go to the toilet whenever they need it. Also on another point, there is currently a tik tok trend encouraging students to vandalise school toilets. Schools need to be very careful who is being allowed to go to the toilets when no one is available to monitor behaviour.

I'm a teacher and have very rarely left class to go to the toilet, unless I've been ill, but I'm an adult and have been having a period for the last 30 years. When I was that age I didn't wear tampons and had problems with flooding my pads, but there wasn't this issue with being allowed to go to the toilet then thankfully. We just went as and when we needed it. There were one or two kids who tried it on, but if the teacher could see it was a pattern they said no to the ones who were clearly trying to time waste. I extend the same courtesy to the children I teach that was extended to me and there isn't a problem. It's interesting that you mention going to the toilet as a basic right, because it is for most adults in the vast majority of jobs. There only seems to be a blanket ban of that basic right on secondary school children, when particularly girls are most likely to need to go to the toilet at more inconvenient times when they are in the first year or two of periods.

When I was at school it was absolutely standard IN PE LESSONS that menstruating girls could ask to be excused and just told the teacher "I've got my period". No further explanation was required though I know there were assorted reasons we cried off PE
( cramps or leaks or didn't want to use the communal changing room and showers during period. )..

'When I was in school' - yawn. Let's not set the standards based on the crap we had to put up with. Let's get better at this.

I'm pretty sure the same reasons still exist and PE teachers take it for granted that they'll be informed about periods.

This is the whole problem.

<strong>Your DD is relatively new to menstruation ,   help her understand   her periods  are not an embarrassment , just normal everyday  part of womanhood. </strong> 

You know it's entirely possibly to be ok, not embarrassed and normal about having periods without having to share it with anyone else?

She will follow your lead, so please, don't refer to PE teacher open-ness as "humiliation".

Did you read the OP? This wasn't a quiet, private chat between OPDD and the PE teacher

Also, nobody was asking to be excused from the lesson, merely to be allowed to go to the toilet.

When I was at school it was absolutely standard IN PE LESSONS that menstruating girls could ask to be excused and just told the teacher "I've got my period".

You could do that in my school too…

As long as your periods were every 28 days as they “should” be as the teacher kept a note and woe betide you if you tried to “get out” of swimming or communal showers at the wrong time.

The need and ability to schedule when you need a pee has always baffled me. Never once in my life have I been able to say 'right at 12:30 I'm going to pee and not dare go again untill 3:30' aside from that a period is neither here nor there. Whilst I don't think it's a power trip for the teacher they probably could have handled it better.
Alot of kids use the toilet as an excuse to skive, and teachers have a job to do. I genuinely think if kids are determined to skive in the loo the teachers should leave them to it and raise with the head and parents where necessary.

@2bazookas

When I was at school it was absolutely standard IN PE LESSONS that menstruating girls could ask to be excused and just told the teacher "I've got my period". No further explanation was required though I know there were assorted reasons we cried off PE ( cramps or leaks or didn't want to use the communal changing room and showers during period. )..

I'm pretty sure the same reasons still exist and PE teachers take it for granted that they'll be informed about periods.

Your DD is relatively new to menstruation ,   help her understand   her periods  are not an embarrassment , just normal everyday  part of womanhood.  She will follow your lead,  so please,  don't refer to  PE teacher  open-ness   as  "humiliation".</div></div>

I remember the dread of waiting to have to say that dreaded word PERIOD when the PE register was called. It was mortifying . Yes it was bloody years ago but I think as adults we take these things lightly compared to some young girls.

There are other physical reasons for more visits to the toilet than menstruation. The teachers have no right to ask a pupil about any physical problem or anything natural. If the teacher wants to know, she should write to the mother and explain that her child is using the toilet more often.

The mother can then ask the child about that and the teacher is only entitled to know if the reason is likely to be disruptive to the class learning. The mother can explain to the child that changes in regularity for any reason should not be ignored and should be discussed at home. I would not be pleased if I thought something to do with my child was being circulated around the school for entertainment, and unless teachers have to administer medication to children in school, they have no right to know the reason for anything. If the school has a registered nurse, that nurse could ask, but only in confidence and if it affects her.

In many places there are religious reasons why girls are not allowed out, and women not allowed to work or go to school or university. I think specifically of Afghanistan and the Taliban, so it is a good idea if we do not allow them to continue in this ridiculous way, and try to make life as normal for girls and women whatever the time of the month, and think about what is happening in the world.

Yes, because grumpy teachers are like the Taliban.

The school I work at has a 'no leaving the classroom for toilet / filling up water bottles' Policy - this is what breaks are for.
I also cannot leave the class to do the same!
But I have supported my new Year 7s in this - ie flexibility at the start of the term / reminding them before breaks to do these things.
With periods though I have never said no to a girl who has said this (they will usually tell me 'discretely') and no I am not saying that they should feel ashamed about it!
If some are using it as an excuse, well so be it!

I'm a teacher and I always allow my students to use the loo, even if it's right at the start/end of the lesson. I have no idea if they desperately need to go, have a dodgy tummy, are on their period etc. My answer is always, always, 'of course'.

I've always worked in schools with no real behaviour issues so I've no experience of this being taken advantage of, but if it became a problem I think talking to students at a different time, not in the moment, would be the best approach.

I live in a very hot country and I also always allow them to nip out to top up their water bottles if they ask. Again, never had an issue. I'm aware I'm very lucky not to have to deal with kids using bathroom breaks as a reason to get out of a lesson but even if they do, it's really minimal impact but denying someone a toilet visit would be pretty nasty behaviour in my opinion.