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Original poster

Girls having to say when they have their period

341 replies

Cliff1975 · 15/11/2021 08:39

My daughter is 13, year 8. On friday she got into trouble for answering a teacher back and arguing (agree totally out of order). However, it was over asking to go to the toilet in PE, 5 minutes after lunch (although it was after they had changed so can't have been 5 minutes. Anyway it all escalated out of proportion but my question is this, is it reasonable for a teacher to say that if agirl says it is her time of the month she will be allowed to go if not no. I mean why should they have to share this? Ho will the teacher know if they are being truthful anyway? My daughter, who is no shrinking violet was mortified that the teacher ended up shouting this with about 5 teachers present. I have told her not to answer back, argue etc but I have to admit part of me is proud of her. Some girls would be mortified being asked if it is the time of the month. Honest opinions please. I was a teacher myself for 20 years so I know kids try it on to get out of lesson but is that worth humiliating girls for who are genuine? I can't help thinking this is a power tri p for the teacher.

OP posts:
kateluvscats · 15/11/2021 10:12

@EmotionalSupportBear

because boys need to know its normal and not some super private, icky thing to keep hush-hush?
For some people it is a private thing.
MushMonster · 15/11/2021 10:14

In my times, there were toilets in the changing rooms.
Also, we all went to the toilet, in mass, as soon as we had a break. Around 11 in the morning, and then 2 or 2:30, just after lunch. We had a long play break after lunch, at which time you were free to use the toilets. Not UK.
Almost never ever did a child ask to go to the toilet during lessons, but if they did, they were never refused.
I cannot get my head around why this is an issue here. Are children asking in mass to go to the toilet during lessons? If so, teach them to use their breaks, and to be honest, after lunch is a high toilet needed slot, so if they are going to ask them to get back to lessons straight away they should let them pop in the toilet!

claymodels · 15/11/2021 10:14

@EmotionalSupportBear

because boys need to know its normal and not some super private, icky thing to keep hush-hush?

You cannot be serious Hmm

Oh, you are. Silly me.

Of course we must think of the boys Biscuit

Get real. Girls deserve privacy if they want it. They are not there to teach boys a life lesson on periods Sad

Smartiepants79 · 15/11/2021 10:16

@KurtWilde

It's really basic stuff and fucking batshit that teachers have the authority to stop people going when they need.

Completely agree. We had a couple of very smug teachers who loves to withhold the toilet from students. This ended up with a few wetting incidents where the child was then told to 'clean up their mess' and was not only humiliated in front of their peers but also had to sit in urine soaked clothes for the rest of the day. I remember one boy was told to take off his school pants and dry them on the radiator. He sat in his wet underwear. It's shameful that teachers get to control a basic bodily function.

I agree with you to a point but the other side to this scenario is this- A class full of 10 year olds who’ve all just had an hour out of the classroom. Within 5 minutes 6 of them have asked to leave the room to go to the toilet. That’s 6 of them who’ve missed any initial input and instructions. 6 children for whom I then have to repeat said instructions as they dribble back in. Either that or all the rest of the class wastes another 5 minutes of their learning time waiting for them all to come back. Can you see how this is frustrating.. repeat that over again for every lesson…. Never mind all the ones that don’t actually need to go but just fancy a walk. I do think children need to know that unless it’s an actual emergency they don’t go to the loo in the 55 minutes they’re expected to be in class for. People always say ‘well, adults don’t have to ask to go to the loo’, maybe not but they do also know that there are certain times when you can’t just get up and wander off. You have to learn to time your toilet breaks appropriately.
LindaEllen · 15/11/2021 10:17

I would never have gone to sort out period problems during break/lunch as the loos would be absolutely packed with people just hanging round in there (why?!) smoking, and they would even sometimes climb onto the loo in the cubicle next to you and look over to see what you were doing. It was absolutely vile, but there was no way I'd be using it when it was busy like that. Luckily for me we had registration after lunch and my form was next to a toilet so my tutor would let me go (or anyone else) and that was perfect as it was quieter.

No student should be barred from using the toilet.

claymodels · 15/11/2021 10:18

People always say ‘well, adults don’t have to ask to go to the loo’, maybe not but they do also know that there are certain times when you can’t just get up and wander off. You have to learn to time your toilet breaks appropriately.

You think adults never have to take an off schedule toilet break Hmm

Fucking hell some adults are so disabled by the need for the toilet that they can no longer leave the house.

Tittyfilarious81 · 15/11/2021 10:20

As I've said a few times now it was introduced because of understandable upset from the girls ,nobody is allowed to go to the toilet during lessons there are ample toilets and plenty of opportunities during the day to go but obviously on a period girls may need to go at other times . The pass is not just for periods it doesn't mean period, there are several reasons for the pass period , tummy ache ,feeling unwell ,water infection etc some boys have them also but very few so nobody goes oh look she's on a period .

KurtWilde · 15/11/2021 10:21

@Smartiepants79 children get half an hour at lunchtime, that's to buy food, eat and use the toilet. Do you honestly think that's time enough for everyone to do all of that??

user474882990 · 15/11/2021 10:21

@gogohm

5 mins (or even 10 mins) is pretty unreasonable unless she's literally just felt it start because she should have gone at lunchtime. If a young lady has specific issues with her periods eg sudden flooding, then the school should be notified and a discreet pass be given to show teachers but it sounds like someone trying to get out of pe to me ... the sort of thing I did!
Wtf is a discreet pass for period?
LuaDipa · 15/11/2021 10:22

@sparepantsandtoothbrush

No not lucky. I just go to the loo during breaks. It’s not rocket science

If you really have had heavy periods since the age of 12 then yes you were/are lucky that just going to the toilet during breaks was enough

Was going to say the same. I remember a few period disasters at school due to draconian school policies and I had very much hoped things have moved on. A couple of hours was too long on a bad day.

Fortunately dd’s school shows a bit of common sense. I forgot to write dd a note excusing her from swimming the other week and they let her skip the lesson with no fuss. I sent an apology note and the teacher replied saying it was unnecessary. Why do some teachers automatically assume that kids are lying or skiving?

KurtWilde · 15/11/2021 10:22

The pass is not just for periods it doesn't mean period, there are several reasons for the pass period , tummy ache ,feeling unwell ,water infection etc some boys have them also but very few so nobody goes oh look she's on a period

Fine. But no one should have to declare all those other issues to their classmates either Confused

Are our kids not entitled to any privacy??

Chakraleaf · 15/11/2021 10:24

@Sam020

No I don't think anyone should have to divulge something so personal but also what if she didn't have her period but needed to go really urgently?

Of course, it's annoying for the teacher andxshe should have gone during lunch but would they rather someone pee their pants? Genuine question by the way. I'd let them use the toilet but maybe give some other punishment / telling off if it happens repeatedly.

I agree. Also sometimes I've gone in toilet and changed then felt a leak and wanted to go back and check the pad was on right. I dont feel like she should have to disclose this unless it was happening all the time the teacher should be more aware.
Socksey · 15/11/2021 10:25

Of course she should be let go...
I was reminded of this myself at the weekend on a residential field course when one of my adult students came on during the walk to the worksite. She asked and mentioned that she had come on (they had just been on a break before) and as an adult will be doubtless more confident of telling another adult female why she needs to walk 15 mins back to the public toilets and a teenager may not have that confidence...
And yes I had heavy periods as a child and never need this, and now menopausal and occasionally flood etc but personally have been able to manage but have enough common sense to know that everyone is different

edenhills · 15/11/2021 10:26

My kids school only has 30 minute lunch, once they have queued for their lunch and eaten it their if often no time to go to the toilet. Also she may have only just realised her period started after she got changed. My periods were really irregular as a teenager and I often got caught out.

claymodels · 15/11/2021 10:27

The pass is not just for periods it doesn't mean period, there are several reasons for the pass period , tummy ache ,feeling unwell ,water infection etc some boys have them also but very few so nobody goes oh look she's on a period .

Do you seriously think that makes it any better Confused

saveourtrees · 15/11/2021 10:28

Well at our school if you wanted to go to the toilet you had to go in lesson because the popular girls used to do their lake up all break and smoke and make fun of anyone who has a wee.
Of course the girls who were intimidated by them got told off and the girls who were monopolising the toilets were allowed to run free.
The school removed the doors just before I left.
Cant remember what I thought of that. probably was half against and half grateful

Coronawireless · 15/11/2021 10:28

What about women who want equal rights at work but then say they’ll have to keep missing meetings because they’re women and have periods? If you were the employer would you wish you’d just hired a man?
Re the horrible atmosphere in some of the school toilets during lunchtimes as described above - shouldn’t parents address this with the school rather than telling their DD’s to skip class??

NFLBingo · 15/11/2021 10:29

It can actually be bad for your bladder if you continuously force yourself to go to the toilet when you don’t need to in the same way holding your bladder for too long all the time can be, so if OP’s DD didn’t need to go at 1pm but did 10 minutes later she should be allowed to go without drama.
Also, if she’s sat there and had 2 glasses of water with her lunch then it will obviously take time for it to register, so I don’t see the issue.
Assuming she’s not going to the other side of the school it’ll take 5 mins at best and they’ll have to just check what they missed when she came back (it’s PE so I’m sure she’d have picked up the missed rules relatively quickly).

Original poster
Cliff1975 · 15/11/2021 10:29

In this case it was 5 minutes after lunch because that is when she came on. She loves PE so it was not an excuse to get out of the lesson and everyone did end up knowing because the teacher shouted it out when telling her off- it was not discrete at all. I know she shouldn't have argued but I feel for the girls who are not as brave as her and wouldn't say.
There is another issue here in that her brother who has just left the school to go to Cambridge has unintentionally made things difficult for her because the teachers seem to comment on everything she does - and you ave a brother at Cambridge. This is out of order.

OP posts:
Itsnotallaboutyoubaby · 15/11/2021 10:30

Of course it’s not okay. Not in a million years!

I don’t think any of my teachers would have done this… more likely to quietly take you to the side and ask if everything was okay.

CecilieRose · 15/11/2021 10:31

@Coronawireless

What about women who want equal rights at work but then say they’ll have to keep missing meetings because they’re women and have periods? If you were the employer would you wish you’d just hired a man? Re the horrible atmosphere in some of the school toilets during lunchtimes as described above - shouldn’t parents address this with the school rather than telling their DD’s to skip class??
Fucking hell, what am I reading?

Any employer who would begrudge basic accommodations for menstruating women or employees with health conditions isn't one I'd want to work for.

Tittyfilarious81 · 15/11/2021 10:31

@KurtWilde it's the rules of most secondary schools no going the toilet during lessons so they have a choice they only go when they can or they get a pass they have a choice it's entirely up to them some teachers will be great and if I girl has to ask to go the loo they won't refuse anyway but they then need the teachers pass to go anyway as you can't be out of the classrooms without the permission pass of a teacher . The pass you ask your tutor for you raise your hand off the table showing your pass teacher notices nods and you just go .

claymodels · 15/11/2021 10:33

What about women who want equal rights at work but then say they’ll have to keep missing meetings because they’re women and have periods? If you were the employer would you wish you’d just hired a man?

Well no. Because I'm not a dick.

KurtWilde · 15/11/2021 10:35

it's the rules of most secondary schools no going the toilet during lesson

I'm aware of the rules and I'm saying they shouldn't exist. No one should have that kind of control over a normal bodily function.

saveourtrees · 15/11/2021 10:36

@Tittyfilarious81

Hi op in our secondary school the girls if they are on a period tell their tutor in the morning they need a toilet pass that day ,it's just a card they are given each morning and they simply ask may they go to the toilet and show the card . Everyone knows what it's for even the lads I think it's a great way of dealing with it . If you are really upset call the school to discuss it and ask what they have in place for girls on their period
This would work for some but bullying was rife in my school and if a boy or a girl of 'higher status' found out one of the 'lower status' kids were on their period. Fuck they would be followed to the toilet, try to take photos. Pull their skirt up, squeeze tomato sauce on them so that they match their pants now. Some people are bullies. Some people are bullied. I would have never asked for a pass. I would have been absolutely wrecked. Its sick but its true.