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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls having to say when they have their period

341 replies

Cliff1975 · 15/11/2021 08:39

My daughter is 13, year 8. On friday she got into trouble for answering a teacher back and arguing (agree totally out of order). However, it was over asking to go to the toilet in PE, 5 minutes after lunch (although it was after they had changed so can't have been 5 minutes. Anyway it all escalated out of proportion but my question is this, is it reasonable for a teacher to say that if agirl says it is her time of the month she will be allowed to go if not no. I mean why should they have to share this? Ho will the teacher know if they are being truthful anyway? My daughter, who is no shrinking violet was mortified that the teacher ended up shouting this with about 5 teachers present. I have told her not to answer back, argue etc but I have to admit part of me is proud of her. Some girls would be mortified being asked if it is the time of the month. Honest opinions please. I was a teacher myself for 20 years so I know kids try it on to get out of lesson but is that worth humiliating girls for who are genuine? I can't help thinking this is a power tri p for the teacher.

OP posts:
Tittyfilarious81 · 15/11/2021 09:31

Hi op in our secondary school the girls if they are on a period tell their tutor in the morning they need a toilet pass that day ,it's just a card they are given each morning and they simply ask may they go to the toilet and show the card . Everyone knows what it's for even the lads I think it's a great way of dealing with it . If you are really upset call the school to discuss it and ask what they have in place for girls on their period

KurtWilde · 15/11/2021 09:39

@Tittyfilarious81

Hi op in our secondary school the girls if they are on a period tell their tutor in the morning they need a toilet pass that day ,it's just a card they are given each morning and they simply ask may they go to the toilet and show the card . Everyone knows what it's for even the lads I think it's a great way of dealing with it . If you are really upset call the school to discuss it and ask what they have in place for girls on their period
So everyone in their class knows they're on their period? How invasive!!

No one should be denied use of the toilet, I don't care how close to after lunch it is. It's a basic human right to empty your bladder.

Platax · 15/11/2021 09:44

This kind of attitude is the whole problem as well. 5 minutes/10 minutes? Who cares. If she needs to go she needs to go and it's absolutely nobody's fucking business why.

But it is the teacher's business whether she genuinely needs to go, especially when she's asking 5 minutes after a break.

Tittyfilarious81 · 15/11/2021 09:47

@KurtWilde I know it probably sounds terrible but they are not allowed to use the toilet in lesson time at all, nobody is unless they have a pass , you can also ask for a pass if you feel poorly that day too or have a water infection do it's not just periods as such so that's why it's just not anything they pay attention to

nokidshere · 15/11/2021 09:47

Everyone knows what it's for even the lads I think it's a great way of dealing with it . If you are really upset call the school to discuss it and ask what they have in place for girls on their period

Seriously? Why does anyone need to know you are having your period? Especially teenage peers.

claymodels · 15/11/2021 09:49

@Platax

This kind of attitude is the whole problem as well. 5 minutes/10 minutes? Who cares. If she needs to go she needs to go and it's absolutely nobody's fucking business why.

But it is the teacher's business whether she genuinely needs to go, especially when she's asking 5 minutes after a break.

The teacher doesn't get to make that call in front of the class though. The teacher, in the first instance, should allow the child to go to the toilet.

KurtWilde · 15/11/2021 09:49

But it is the teacher's business whether she genuinely needs to go, especially when she's asking 5 minutes after a break.

I can literally walk out of my front door and need the toilet 5 minutes later. Bladders don't work to anyone's schedule. School included.

Also has anyone SEEN how busy the toilets are during a rushed school lunchtime? Perhaps the lesson bell went before she got chance to go, so she asked pretty much as soon as they settled into class rather than making herself late by waiting around for the toilet at the end of lunch.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 15/11/2021 09:49

Did she actually need to go because of her period or was that her excuse because she thought it was an excuse that no one could argue with? I remember being at school and using the period excuse for having to go to the toilet whenever I wanted, getting out of pe etc. It was a kind of smug 'I've got my period so I need to go and you can't say no' kind of thing for some girls tbh, i certainly used it too on a couple of occasions!

claymodels · 15/11/2021 09:50

@Tittyfilarious81

Hi op in our secondary school the girls if they are on a period tell their tutor in the morning they need a toilet pass that day ,it's just a card they are given each morning and they simply ask may they go to the toilet and show the card . Everyone knows what it's for even the lads I think it's a great way of dealing with it . If you are really upset call the school to discuss it and ask what they have in place for girls on their period

You think having all the 'lads' know when the girls are on their period is a 'great' way of dealing with it Hmm

What planet are you in where anybody except the girl themselves needs to fucking deal with it? What plant is including the 'lads necessary Sad

KurtWilde · 15/11/2021 09:52

[quote Tittyfilarious81]@KurtWilde I know it probably sounds terrible but they are not allowed to use the toilet in lesson time at all, nobody is unless they have a pass , you can also ask for a pass if you feel poorly that day too or have a water infection do it's not just periods as such so that's why it's just not anything they pay attention to[/quote]
It sounds terrible because it is terrible. It's absolutely no ones business why a person needs the toilet. Can you imagine if this scenario existed in the work place?? Why do we think it's ok to treat our children like this simply because they're minors?

claymodels · 15/11/2021 09:52

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

Did she actually need to go because of her period or was that her excuse because she thought it was an excuse that no one could argue with? I remember being at school and using the period excuse for having to go to the toilet whenever I wanted, getting out of pe etc. It was a kind of smug 'I've got my period so I need to go and you can't say no' kind of thing for some girls tbh, i certainly used it too on a couple of occasions!

It doesn't really matter. It's not up to a teacher to place what everyone else did into consideration when one person asks to go to the toilet. It's really basic stuff and fucking batshit that teachers have the authority to stop people going when they need.

EmotionalSupportBear · 15/11/2021 09:55

because boys need to know its normal and not some super private, icky thing to keep hush-hush?

KurtWilde · 15/11/2021 09:56

It's really basic stuff and fucking batshit that teachers have the authority to stop people going when they need.

Completely agree. We had a couple of very smug teachers who loves to withhold the toilet from students. This ended up with a few wetting incidents where the child was then told to 'clean up their mess' and was not only humiliated in front of their peers but also had to sit in urine soaked clothes for the rest of the day. I remember one boy was told to take off his school pants and dry them on the radiator. He sat in his wet underwear. It's shameful that teachers get to control a basic bodily function.

Tittyfilarious81 · 15/11/2021 09:58

@nokidshere

Everyone knows what it's for even the lads I think it's a great way of dealing with it . If you are really upset call the school to discuss it and ask what they have in place for girls on their period

Seriously? Why does anyone need to know you are having your period? Especially teenage peers.

It's not a case of everyone knowing you are having your period it's done really carefully so the girls having a period may go the toilet when they wish . Before this came in girls were being refused getting upset and the teacher can't just blurt out are you on a period so the toilet pass was introduced ,this was a way of stopping that upset. As I also said in another post you can get them for other reasons also what I meant about the lads knowing is that they are very rarely permitted 1 but they know why girls have to have them it's accepted and never made an issue of
ColinTheKoala · 15/11/2021 09:59

@gogohm

5 mins (or even 10 mins) is pretty unreasonable unless she's literally just felt it start because she should have gone at lunchtime. If a young lady has specific issues with her periods eg sudden flooding, then the school should be notified and a discreet pass be given to show teachers but it sounds like someone trying to get out of pe to me ... the sort of thing I did!
It is not unreasonable at all. I don't know why you'd need to miss PE because you have your period, but there should never be any questions asked if a girl wants the loo. It only takes five minutes to go to the loo, change your protection and come back!

Really fed up of teachers treating girls like this. Yes I know some take the mick but that's not a reason to make life difficult for all of them.

KurtWilde · 15/11/2021 09:59

@EmotionalSupportBear

because boys need to know its normal and not some super private, icky thing to keep hush-hush?
Boys know periods exist. They don't need to know when one of their classmates is on it though.
ColinTheKoala · 15/11/2021 10:01

It's shameful that teachers get to control a basic bodily function

I have a son not a daughter but if I had had a daughter I would have told her to simply ignore the teacher and go to the loo and I would have dealt with it on her behalf. If a school tried to punish my dd for a bodily function I would have made a complaint to the governors and to the local authority.

It's indirect sexual discrimination as well - schools need to consider their positions rather more carefully.

ColinTheKoala · 15/11/2021 10:02

It's really basic stuff and fucking batshit that teachers have the authority to stop people going when they need

they don't have that authority and it strikes me that those of you with school-age daughters need to making a lot more fuss about this

CarrotSticks19 · 15/11/2021 10:04

Going to the toilet is a basic bodily function and should not be witheld from children. Yes some children muck around in the toilets, but the majority who ask to use the toilet actually need the toilet, and ulu are just making a child uncomfortable and anxious. This ends up creating a lot of anxiety aroumd going to the toilet in school, children who dont drink during the scjool day because they dont want to need the toilet. Yet again the shy anxious children and the ones who suffer most.

It doesnt matter if she is on her period or not. She may have just been worried she was going to flood. She may have developed a UTI. She may just have had a big drink at lunch. If she needs to use the toilet she should be allowed to go. Its not good for our pelvic floor to go just in case at breaktimes etc. And doesnt change that sometimed we can go to the toilet and need it a few minutes later. Teachers do not have the right to control basic bodily functions.

Coronawireless · 15/11/2021 10:06

I don’t know. What about the class where people are constantly getting up and wandering in and out to the bathroom, disrupting the lesson, then asking when they come back what they’ve missed.
There are emergencies, sure. But they should be few and far between. Sounds like the teacher is fed up of people either not bothering to be organised or outright taking the piss. Trouble is, it doesn’t just affect the teacher but the whole class.

Suspiciousmind20 · 15/11/2021 10:09

kurtwilde

Why do we think it's ok to treat our children like this simply because they're minors?

Exactly!!

CecilieRose · 15/11/2021 10:09

So much ableism on this thread. Sad to see things haven't changed since I was at school.

I was often the kid asking to go to the toilet shortly after the lunch break. I had a then undiagnosed inflammatory bowel disease along with very heavy, irregular periods, so one or the other often made school really difficult for me. Being told off as if I was naughty or doing something wrong made it even harder.

Nobody should ever be forced to publicly explain why they need to go to the toilet!

JustLyra · 15/11/2021 10:10

I had a massive run in with a school over this once they changed their lunch hour.

40 minute lunch. 25 minute queue.
Doesn’t give enough time to go to the toilet (where there is also a queue) and get to your next class in time.

Not helped by a number of teachers who were constantly holding the class 4/5 minutes late before their 10 minute break.

I ended up asking them to put in writing that they were genuinely saying if a pupil needed the bathroom at 10am, but didn’t have time then they should wait until 12.30, but if they also didn’t have time they should wait until 3.05. So just for my record wanted written agreement that they did feel it was acceptable that a child needing the bathroom at 10am should have to wait until 3.05pm (assuming they weren’t on thr school bus) rather than ask a teacher.
Funnily enough they never put that it writing!

hellywelly3 · 15/11/2021 10:11

It’s getting ridiculous in schools now with permission to go to the toilet during lessons. The kids get 1/2 an hour for lunch now which is difficult enough to just get lunch purchased and eaten never mind trying to queue for the toilet as nearly the whole school tries to go at the same time.

turnthebiglightoff · 15/11/2021 10:12

There were 2800 people in my school when I attended, excluding teachers, and 14 toilets. That's 200 people per toilet. Explain to me again how every kid can go at lunchtime?

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