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Original poster

Girls having to say when they have their period

341 replies

Cliff1975 · 15/11/2021 08:39

My daughter is 13, year 8. On friday she got into trouble for answering a teacher back and arguing (agree totally out of order). However, it was over asking to go to the toilet in PE, 5 minutes after lunch (although it was after they had changed so can't have been 5 minutes. Anyway it all escalated out of proportion but my question is this, is it reasonable for a teacher to say that if agirl says it is her time of the month she will be allowed to go if not no. I mean why should they have to share this? Ho will the teacher know if they are being truthful anyway? My daughter, who is no shrinking violet was mortified that the teacher ended up shouting this with about 5 teachers present. I have told her not to answer back, argue etc but I have to admit part of me is proud of her. Some girls would be mortified being asked if it is the time of the month. Honest opinions please. I was a teacher myself for 20 years so I know kids try it on to get out of lesson but is that worth humiliating girls for who are genuine? I can't help thinking this is a power tri p for the teacher.

OP posts:
Forsure69 · 16/11/2021 18:11

I have an issue with this, I don't understand how a basic need is controlled by a teacher who gets to decide when you get to go to the toilet or not. I really don't understand it.. it honestly baffles me.

Bobsyer · 16/11/2021 18:13

@gogohm

5 mins (or even 10 mins) is pretty unreasonable unless she's literally just felt it start because she should have gone at lunchtime. If a young lady has specific issues with her periods eg sudden flooding, then the school should be notified and a discreet pass be given to show teachers but it sounds like someone trying to get out of pe to me ... the sort of thing I did!
I totally disagree with this.

I’ve been having periods for nearly 30 years and I still sometimes get caught by a sudden flood, or my pad being slightly misaligned so I can feel it or whatever.

While I get that it’s annoying for the teacher, unless it’s multiple girls at the same time, I can’t see the problem with one girl needing the toilet even if it is just after lunchtime. And so what if she’s trying to get out of PE - it’s only going to affect her so she can deal with the outcomes.

JonSnowIsALoser · 16/11/2021 18:23

Mortifying as it must be for a teenager, I don't think mentioning periods should be a problem in itself. Treating it as a shameful taboo topic doesn't do girls any favours in the long run.

KurtWilde · 16/11/2021 18:25

@JonSnowIsALoser

Mortifying as it must be for a teenager, I don't think mentioning periods should be a problem in itself. Treating it as a shameful taboo topic doesn't do girls any favours in the long run.
No one is treating it as a shameful taboo subject, they're treating it as some girls just prefer their privacy, just like some adult women do. And it also gives the bullies plenty of ammunition.
claymodels · 16/11/2021 18:29

@JonSnowIsALoser

Mortifying as it must be for a teenager, I don't think mentioning periods should be a problem in itself. Treating it as a shameful taboo topic doesn't do girls any favours in the long run.

Nobody, literally nobody has said periods should be a taboo subject. The thread is about not being allowed to go to the toilet. The facts are nobody should have to explain why they need to go to the toilet in case the teacher doesn't let them leave class.

TangledNemo · 16/11/2021 18:30

I don’t understand why people are saying she should have gone at lunch. She may not have needed to go then. Or she may not have had time after eating.

At my old school, we weren’t allowed to leave the canteen without asking permission anyway, and if we went on the way to the canteen, we’d be stuck at the back of queue and have to rush eating and/or all the nice food would be gone.
We did have toilets attached to the changing rooms though but I agree with OP that no one should have to tell someone else they’re on their period.

FootieMama · 16/11/2021 18:32

13 years old are not so good with planning ahead such as I will change my tanpon now/go to the loo as I have PE soon. I was caught short often even at 15 with my periods. So I think she needs to learn how to plan but teachers shouldn't be asking about periods or denying toilet breaks either

thenovice · 16/11/2021 18:49

Was this a co-ed school?

KurtWilde · 16/11/2021 18:52

@FootieMama

13 years old are not so good with planning ahead such as I will change my tanpon now/go to the loo as I have PE soon. I was caught short often even at 15 with my periods. So I think she needs to learn how to plan but teachers shouldn't be asking about periods or denying toilet breaks either
Did you miss the part where she didn't come on until she was in her lesson?
Raisedbrow · 16/11/2021 19:18

I think its obvious when a child is taking the piss, but you allow the request and resolve it later whatever that looks like. I wouldn't expect a child to flag their monthly for this purpose. Wrong on many levels.

IJoinedJustForThisThread · 16/11/2021 19:41

@LindaEllen

I would never have gone to sort out period problems during break/lunch as the loos would be absolutely packed with people just hanging round in there (why?!) smoking, and they would even sometimes climb onto the loo in the cubicle next to you and look over to see what you were doing. It was absolutely vile, but there was no way I'd be using it when it was busy like that. Luckily for me we had registration after lunch and my form was next to a toilet so my tutor would let me go (or anyone else) and that was perfect as it was quieter.

No student should be barred from using the toilet.

The other girls used to look over the cubicle walls like this when I was at school. I’m nearly 50 and even now when I’m in a work or public toilet I try to use the end cubicle so that there is only one wall to look over and I look up at the top of the other wall in case someone is watching me. I know deep down that it is highly unlikely that one of my female colleagues would do that, but that is how much it affected me as a child.
Santina · 16/11/2021 19:59

I was a lecturer for 20 years, never once did I stop any of my students going to the loo, male and female, even if we had just come back from a break. No one has full control of natural bodily functions, especially after eating and drinking. It's also good for preparing them to be work ready and alowing them to make the right choices. Some secondary school teachers are only in the job for the status, I swear, the number of times you had to try and strip down the labels given at secondary school to encourage the student to succeed. The education system is dated and broken in my opinion, it's not fit for purpose any more.

Kinko · 16/11/2021 20:02

She's 13yrs - if she wants to go to the toilet there should be no issue. Nothing more than a 'you've just had a lunch break, next time go during lunch'. That is the very most a teacher could have said, without it being entirely unreasonable.

Your daughter was right to stand her ground. Don't punish her or even tell her off for any element of it. She'll come up against people who are more senior than her in work and life and while it's a good opportunity to teach her to stay calm, and composed - do not tell her not to argue back.

Arguing back is what keeps girl safe. If she was offensive, rude etc fine, that's not OK. But at 13yrs old she's well within her right to say - I'm going to the toilet and that's final and I don't need to explain my reasons to you. For all the teacher knew she could have had diarrhoea!

Back your daughter to the top of the hill on this one. She'll remember it next time she faces a senior person she needs to stand up to!

Sometimes the best thing a parent can say is 'good for you' (if the child is generally well behaved and respectful!)

Fatredwitch · 16/11/2021 20:16

Visits to the toilet should be a basic human right and you shouldn't have to explain yourself. Many girls would be horribly embarrassed to have to do so.

Some people have to pee much more frequently than others. Some have problems with flooding or don't realise that their periods are about to start, particularly if they are very young girls. Some may have a bowel problem. When I was 13, I started with symptoms of ulcerative colitis which wasn't properly diagnosed, despite many tests, till I was 23. It meant sudden, cramping pain and diarrhoea. (I remember the PE teacher being generally unsympathetic.) I was extremely shy and would have been mortified to have to explain, in front of people, my sudden need for the loo.

Nobody, whether an adult or a child, should have to justify their need for a toilet break.

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 16/11/2021 20:44

Omg my OP thats terrible! I can't believe teachers are still doing this, when you've gotta go you've gotta go.

Something similar happened to me in school when I was 14. I came on and I suffered and still do with heavy periods so it was a bit messy sorry to be graphic. I asked my head of year if I could go home and change (I lived 15 minutes from the school and I would have come back) and her reply to me was "just turn your knickers inside out" 😲😲 I was very shy back then and I would never have dared to answer a teacher back but I was so upset by that comment I went to my form tutor and told her what happened. She was shocked and wrote me a note signed by her saying I could go home and she called my deputy head of year into her office, told him what had happened and he was shocked but he told me of course I can go home and signed the note as well. I did go back to school after and when my mum got home from work I told her what happened she went mad phoned the school and spoke to my head of year and told her in no uncertain terms her "unhelpful suggestion" was disgusting and if she ever did this to me again my mum would be coming down to the school in person to see her and make a complaint! When it happened again my deputy head let me go home but did make the helpful suggestion that I bring in a bag of spare clothes just in case which I did. But I've never forgotten what a twat my head of year was I wish now I had the guts then to tell her to fuck off in response to that comment 🙄🤣

LaDamaDeElche · 16/11/2021 21:01

@Smileyaxolotl1

*clay models’ are you a teacher? If there was no restriction on toilets I would have about 3 kids in the class most of the time.
I am a teacher and I let people to to the toilet if they need it. I haven't had a problem anyone taking the piss. I think the rules about toilet breaks in U.K. schools are pretty draconian actually.
Kteeb1 · 16/11/2021 21:04

Toilets in schools are an absolute nightmare. I remember only wanting to go to the toilets in lesson time because they were always filled with kids messing about. It's the same at my daughter school. They banned girls going on more than 2 at a time at one point. It's been a problem and will continue to be a problem as long as there are teenagers in the world. Basically if your kid is good and doesn't mess about then a quiet world with the teacher should be fine. If she does, I'd she asks to go the toilet when she doesn't need to to see her friends ( like of my lovely cherubs got in the habit of doing) then the school is right. If she constantly ask for the toilet in lessons then maybe ask if anything is going on

MadMadaMim · 16/11/2021 21:39

I detest this. I told my DC that if they ever need the toilet and a teacher has said no, they will jwy politely do to the teacher and I form them that they have to go to the toilet and then leave the classroom and go. Same for dri King water not being allowed outside of lunch/break times. It's ridiculous

FranklyADick · 16/11/2021 22:04

I haven't read the full thread but just wanted to ask if the teacher left the class unattended 5 minutes after the start of a lesson, because they needed to go to the toilet and had not had time at lunchtime, would you as a parent complain? Or is it only children who have the basic right to go to the toilet whenever they need it. Also on another point, there is currently a tik tok trend encouraging students to vandalise school toilets. Schools need to be very careful who is being allowed to go to the toilets when no one is available to monitor behaviour.

claymodels · 16/11/2021 22:09

I haven't read the full thread but just wanted to ask if the teacher left the class unattended 5 minutes after the start of a lesson, because they needed to go to the toilet and had not had time at lunchtime, would you as a parent complain? Or is it only children who have the basic right to go to the toilet whenever they need it.

It's not a race to the bottom here.

JustLyra · 16/11/2021 22:13

@FranklyADick

I haven't read the full thread but just wanted to ask if the teacher left the class unattended 5 minutes after the start of a lesson, because they needed to go to the toilet and had not had time at lunchtime, would you as a parent complain? Or is it only children who have the basic right to go to the toilet whenever they need it. Also on another point, there is currently a tik tok trend encouraging students to vandalise school toilets. Schools need to be very careful who is being allowed to go to the toilets when no one is available to monitor behaviour.
In schools I’ve worked in classes have been left unsupervised for odd times, like that, as and when.

Ironically the only time a parent complained about it was when their child, who wasn’t 4 or 5 and plenty old enough to know how to behave, minority injured themselves (but massively embarrassed themselves!) being stupid and instead of bollocking the lad (which is absolutely would have happened to any of mine) they complained to the school about the lack of supervision.

In one school the Head was so proactive that the pupils could go to the toilet whenever, but every so many would randomly be send to the toilet near the Head’s office (previously a staff loo, but there were new ones) which meant kids going to mess around or meet friends soon got bored as it was a single loo with no chance of messing.
Same Head also made no bones about dealing with the actual issues of kids doing stupid things or bullying or anything like that. It was very interesting how parents either loved her or hated her depending on their own attitude toward their child and said child’s behaviour.

JustLyra · 16/11/2021 22:15

@Kteeb1

Toilets in schools are an absolute nightmare. I remember only wanting to go to the toilets in lesson time because they were always filled with kids messing about. It's the same at my daughter school. They banned girls going on more than 2 at a time at one point. It's been a problem and will continue to be a problem as long as there are teenagers in the world. Basically if your kid is good and doesn't mess about then a quiet world with the teacher should be fine. If she does, I'd she asks to go the toilet when she doesn't need to to see her friends ( like of my lovely cherubs got in the habit of doing) then the school is right. If she constantly ask for the toilet in lessons then maybe ask if anything is going on
It’ll be a problem as long as schools are underfunded.

My school had a problem for a while and they hired someone to patrol the corridors and check on the toilets. It didn’t take long before the problems stopped.

Schools now simply don’t have the budgets to be able to do that.

MdNdD · 16/11/2021 22:37

I’d like input from wee and poo experts as well as gynaecologists, into the policies and timetables of schools.

Only then should schools be allowed to make such strict rules around use of toilets…

I have two kids with bladder issues and every timetable and toilet rule totally goes against the advise given by the children’s continence clinics…

Kteeb1 · 16/11/2021 22:49

Well I'm 45 and believe me no one had the funds to patrol the corridors then either.

JustLyra · 16/11/2021 22:56

@Kteeb1

Well I'm 45 and believe me no one had the funds to patrol the corridors then either.
I’m a similar age. Schools had considerably more wiggle room in their budgets then.

Now there’s not enough money for essentials, far less moving things around to facilitate a temporary spend too deal with an issue.