Girls having to say when they have their period

[Cliff1975]

My daughter is 13, year 8. On friday she got into trouble for answering a teacher back and arguing (agree totally out of order). However, it was over asking to go to the toilet in PE, 5 minutes after lunch (although it was after they had changed so can't have been 5 minutes. Anyway it all escalated out of proportion but my question is this, is it reasonable for a teacher to say that if agirl says it is her time of the month she will be allowed to go if not no. I mean why should they have to share this? Ho will the teacher know if they are being truthful anyway? My daughter, who is no shrinking violet was mortified that the teacher ended up shouting this with about 5 teachers present. I have told her not to answer back, argue etc but I have to admit part of me is proud of her. Some girls would be mortified being asked if it is the time of the month. Honest opinions please. I was a teacher myself for 20 years so I know kids try it on to get out of lesson but is that worth humiliating girls for who are genuine? I can't help thinking this is a power tri p for the teacher.

Many years ago we were not allowed out to go to toilets . I was a meek little thing thing too scared to ask and shit my pants in the Home Ec class. It was horrible .There should be freedom to go . Teachers know which individuals are problems .

She should go at break time. Honestly who are all these kids with flooding periods, rampant diorrhea and bladder infections? Surely it's not that common?

Doesn't matter if they only need a wee. No one should be denied the right to empty their bladder, I don't care whether it's start of lesson or not.

Well done to your daughter for sticking up for herself I say! Teenagers are humans too, and we have to make allowances for the mistakes they might make while they’re young and learning. Such as letting them go to the toilet if they didn’t have time at lunch. It’s quite simple really, you tell them they have ten minutes and off they go. It’s not a prison. It’s a school, and they’re supposed to make our children feel welcome. Also I know a few children who are getting recurring UTIs because they’re too afraid to ask to go to the toilet. It’s ridiculous to be honest.

I think schools' attitudes towards toilets are terrible.

When you're a young girl, your periods can be unpredictable. In order to get some kind of special toilet pass, you'd have to predict the period suddenly starting, and if you could predict it, you would have made arrangements accordingly and wouldn't need the pass.

Yes, plenty of children will try to be disruptive, and that includes girls, but I think they should be trusted anyway, as I'd rather some little shit gets an extra 10 minutes out of lessons than some shy wallflower ends up bleeding through her clothes and getting humiliated.

Jeez.

This is just one of the many ways in which life is just harder if you're born female.

@Pippi1970 sadly there are and there is nothing like anxiety to make a situation like this ten times worse .

[quote Tittyfilarious81]@claymodels They don't have to tell the tutor though it's a simple case of saying you need a pass that day they don't ask why and as I said it simply allows them to just raise it slightly off the table teacher sees it and off they go[/quote]

It's worrying how determined you are to defend a fucking toilet pass. Nobody needs this. Nobody wants this.

It's interesting you say that the pupils don't have to tell why they need it, that makes it simply unnecessary, what is the point of a pass to show you need to leave the class if anyone can just ask for one in the morning?

There is a serious problem with allowing girls to access the toilet and schools don't seem to be willing to design solutions. Its absolutely crazy, we've just normalised this!

@KurtWilde

She should go at break time. Honestly who are all these kids with flooding periods, rampant diorrhea and bladder infections? Surely it's not that common?

Doesn't matter if they only need a wee. No one should be denied the right to empty their bladder, I don't care whether it's start of lesson or not.

As they are older perhaps being organised with their own bodies is important too. Realising that you have PE so going to the loo beforehand for example. Like I am sure the vast majority of kids do!

5 minutes after lunch I can understand the teacher being a bit annoyed, but no way should they have stopped her going. or questioned it even.

Its going to be a minority of DC who use going to the toilet as an excuse to get out of lessons. And to be honest the teachers will soon see a pattern if its the same kids doing it over and over. So a blanket rule for everyone is simply stupid and incredibly short sighted.

But OP, how thoroughly thoughtless of your DD to not come on during her 30 minute lunch break. I mean, the sheer audacity of her coming on 5 minutes later than the lunch bell and disrupting her lesson. I mean, its totally something she can control right?

As they are older perhaps being organised with their own bodies is important too. Realising that you have PE so going to the loo beforehand for example. Like I am sure the vast majority of kids do!

Well I'm a grown woman and my body still needs to pee when it needs to pee not when I 'organise' it to

And you do realise that if the toilets are full during break or lunch then they can't actually go during that time? Are they supposed to sit with a full bladder through the entire lesson? That's how people get UTIs and kidney stones btw.

@Thelnebriati

There is a serious problem with allowing girls to access the toilet and schools don't seem to be willing to design solutions. Its absolutely crazy, we've just normalised this!

It's awful how normal it is. So normal in fact we have women here defending the school for not allowing pupils to go to the toilet

It's really worrying.

As they are older perhaps being organised with their own bodies is important too.

Do you have any idea how absolutely fucking stupid you sound?

You haven't said how long the lunch break is, OP. I think that's key. I take it from the context that she was getting her period, so did she have time to go before, or not?

My DDs school shortened lunchbreak to 45 min and last year only allowed 1 person in the toilets at any one time because of covid. (Member of staff operating one in/one out policy) Not sure how that worked out but its not that conducive to everyone having time to go to the toilet at lunchtime.
I don't think its like that now.

She should go at break time. Honestly who are all these kids with flooding periods, rampant diorrhea and bladder infections? Surely it's not that common?

If it’s happening to you though, the fact it might not be common isn’t really that helpful.
There is also the fact that if they’ve only recently started periods, mistakes can be made. I once thought mine had finished early, so got rid of my pad - something I wouldn’t be so quick to do now. I realised my mistake fairly soon into the next lesson but we weren’t allowed to go to the loo. It was a mistake, and it was avoidable, but I was 13 it was maybe my second or third ever period.

@lescompagnonsdeloue

You haven't said how long the lunch break is, OP. I think that's key. I take it from the context that she was getting her period, so did she have time to go before, or not?

OP said she came on in class just after lunch.

As they are older perhaps being organised with their own bodies is important too.

Are you for real?

Do you schedule your periods in on your calendar so you know exactly what time of day you will come on and can plan it around your schedule? And your coffee breaks?

You must be very lucky having that ability. Because I remember being a teenage girl with irregular periods and had no clue from one minute to the next when I might actually come on.

@claymodels it's not that I'm defending it but without a pass the teacher can and does say no my son has never been allowed other than after her was sick in class 1 time because he wasn't allowed to go , pass means they can't refuse . I honestly didn't think that it was something so many people would be upset about it's just something that was brought in to try and help stop any upsetting incidents

@claymodels

As they are older perhaps being organised with their own bodies is important too.

Do you have any idea how absolutely fucking stupid you sound?

Sorry - do you think bodily autonomy is stupid?

@SickAndTiredAgain

What about women who want equal rights at work but then say they’ll have to keep missing meetings because they’re women and have periods? If you were the employer would you wish you’d just hired a man?

Urgh these women and their rights. They expect equal rights but then have a baby and go on mat leave - much better to hire a man!
There was a thread on here the other week where the OP was worried about going back to work after mat leave because since giving birth she’d been having incidences of awful flooding without warning and going through any protection she had. Maybe she should just quit work forever.

I had a (female) colleague tell me I should just give up work for the rest of my life because I needed a single day off work for a colonoscopy when I was 27. In her mind that meant I was just unsuitable for work and such massive accommodations put too much of a burden on everyone else. One single day off work. She kept going on about why I couldn't just take the afternoon off because it was an afternoon appointment, when I was on laxatives to make me shit every half an hour and hadn't been able to eat since the previous afternoon.

Some people are just vile and unhinged.

Sorry - do you think bodily autonomy is stupid?

Body autonomy would be the student being able to go to the toilet when required. Something you don't think they should be able to do.

Body autonomy ISN'T knowing the exact moment of the day when you'll start your period. And even if it was, it would STILL have been 5 minutes into the lesson unless you've found some way of controlling when you come on??

@Bookworm20

As they are older perhaps being organised with their own bodies is important too.

Are you for real?

Do you schedule your periods in on your calendar so you know exactly what time of day you will come on and can plan it around your schedule? And your coffee breaks?

You must be very lucky having that ability. Because I remember being a teenage girl with irregular periods and had no clue from one minute to the next when I might actually come on.

There is no question that some girls use it as an excuse to get out of lessons. Otherwise speak to the teacher about it. The OP was saying that her dd shouldn't have to even say she had her period which seems very paranoid.

@KurtWilde

Sorry - do you think bodily autonomy is stupid?

Body autonomy would be the student being able to go to the toilet when required. Something you don't think they should be able to do.

Body autonomy ISN'T knowing the exact moment of the day when you'll start your period. And even if it was, it would STILL have been 5 minutes into the lesson unless you've found some way of controlling when you come on??

Going for a wee before a lesson seems like a pretty basic standard of life skills. Luckily most kids seem to have worked this out.

I understand in a way why they restrict toilet access to be fair. At my school people were abused and jumped in the toilets regularly as there were no cameras, drugs regularly taken, destruction (yes even in the girls toilets-pads, period blood everywhere, flooding being the worst and then the toilets would be completely out of use which was horrific). I also think everyone should have access to a toilet when they need it, male or female, I don’t know what the solution is, maybe schools should have a toilet monitor at all times?

I've read a few of these type of threads recently and I can't believe how ridiculous schools are about letting kids go to the toilet. What do they want? Kids to wet themselves in class? And why should a girl have to tell anyone she has her period? I have read some teachers saying there are kids who use going to the toilet as an excuse to get out of class, but surely it's better to err on the side of the child telling the truth in this instance? I don't think anyone should have to explain exactly why they need to go to the toilet; saying 'may I got to the toilet please' is enough! It's self explanatory FFS! And if it's the same child asking to go to the toilet several times during the lesson, or always in the same lesson, then if I were the teacher, I would be calling the parents to voice a concern over the issue, not making other children suffer.