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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls having to say when they have their period

341 replies

Cliff1975 · 15/11/2021 08:39

My daughter is 13, year 8. On friday she got into trouble for answering a teacher back and arguing (agree totally out of order). However, it was over asking to go to the toilet in PE, 5 minutes after lunch (although it was after they had changed so can't have been 5 minutes. Anyway it all escalated out of proportion but my question is this, is it reasonable for a teacher to say that if agirl says it is her time of the month she will be allowed to go if not no. I mean why should they have to share this? Ho will the teacher know if they are being truthful anyway? My daughter, who is no shrinking violet was mortified that the teacher ended up shouting this with about 5 teachers present. I have told her not to answer back, argue etc but I have to admit part of me is proud of her. Some girls would be mortified being asked if it is the time of the month. Honest opinions please. I was a teacher myself for 20 years so I know kids try it on to get out of lesson but is that worth humiliating girls for who are genuine? I can't help thinking this is a power tri p for the teacher.

OP posts:
claymodels · 15/11/2021 11:05

@Pippi1970

Sorry - do you think bodily autonomy is stupid?

Oh dear. No, of course I don't. Have you not read any of my posts? I'm literally advocating for just that Confused

mam0918 · 15/11/2021 11:05

@claymodels

No not lucky. I just go to the loo during breaks. It’s not rocket science.

Just as well really because anyone who can't understand that we are not all the same as them sure ain't going to be breaking record as a rocket scientist.

I am exceptionally lucky in the fact that I next to never get heavy or painful periods.

The problem is though its a trade-off as I have Atypical PCOS (worth mentioning Atypical because the number of times people accuse me of lying because I don't fit the ignorant incorrect outdated stereotype is ridiculous) and my periods are COMPLETELY unpredictable.

I can have a period anywhere from 17 days to 60 days after my last one and because they don't hurt I have zero warning they are coming... its impossible to rely on scheduled breaks because my body doesn't have a schedule.

You don't get to judge or accuse others of lying just because you have it easy than them - The same way I don't tell girls they are 'faking' being in pain just because I'm not.

PurBal · 15/11/2021 11:06

Well, I was told there was “something wrong” with me because I had an 8 day period and didn’t want to go swimming in year 8. I duly saw a doctor after pestering my mum and (surprise) all normal. I didn’t use tampons at the time. Some girls were forced to use tampons by the teacher (handed a tampon and teacher stopped outside toilet explaining how to put it in). It was humiliating and “there must be something wrong” stayed with me until I was 21 and I paid to see a gynaecologist. Girls should not be shamed due to their period.

mam0918 · 15/11/2021 11:06
  • sorry think I quoted the wrong reply
claymodels · 15/11/2021 11:07

[quote Tittyfilarious81]@claymodels it's not that I'm defending it but without a pass the teacher can and does say no my son has never been allowed other than after her was sick in class 1 time because he wasn't allowed to go , pass means they can't refuse . I honestly didn't think that it was something so many people would be upset about it's just something that was brought in to try and help stop any upsetting incidents[/quote]

You definitely are defending it. What's more it's worthless and pointless as you don't actually need a reason to get one Confused

GaolBhoAlba · 15/11/2021 11:09

Complain about the teacher, in writing, to the school. And escalate the complaint if you're not happy with the school's response.

KurtWilde · 15/11/2021 11:10

Going for a wee before a lesson seems like a pretty basic standard of life skills. Luckily most kids seem to have worked this out

That's great, if there's room in the toilet at that time. But with the entire school all having to schedule their bladder habits in during the same small window, it's not always doable is it.

And OPs daughter came on AFTER they'd gone back to class after lunch. How exactly would she have known to put a sanitary product in during lunch if she didn't know she was coming on just yet?

Everyone should be allowed use of the toilet when they require it, that's the bottom line really, and they shouldn't have to advertise why.

SickAndTiredAgain · 15/11/2021 11:11

Well, I was told there was “something wrong” with me because I had an 8 day period

We had a science teacher (specialism of biology) who used to mark in his register when girls used this reason. So if it was used again he could look it up and say “no, you used this excuse x days ago, can’t be on your period again.”
I’m assuming he based this on a purely average cycle of 5 days of bleeding every 28 days. Tough luck if you didn’t fall within that.

DameMaureen · 15/11/2021 11:12

@Pippi1970

There is no question that some girls use it as an excuse to get out of lessons. Otherwise speak to the teacher about it. The OP was saying that her dd shouldn't have to even say she had her period which seems very paranoid

A young girl should have to tell a teacher she has her period - female and male teacher ?

mam0918 · 15/11/2021 11:14

Pippi1970 - I'm sorry I didn't 'organise' my PCOS well enough for your liking, you'll be furious to know as an adult I have early stage kidney failure and I'm so lazy I don't take the magical time to fix that either.

Do you have any idea how fucking ignorant you sound - Imagine being lucky enough to not have a disability then belittling those who do by claiming its their fault for not being organised enough ffs.

Pippi1970 · 15/11/2021 11:14

[quote DameMaureen]@Pippi1970

There is no question that some girls use it as an excuse to get out of lessons. Otherwise speak to the teacher about it. The OP was saying that her dd shouldn't have to even say she had her period which seems very paranoid

A young girl should have to tell a teacher she has her period - female and male teacher ?[/quote]
Why ever not? If the teacher is not letting them go to the loo and they need to because they have literally just come on? My dd has male teachers and has no issue with it and I doubt the male teachers do either!

SomePosters · 15/11/2021 11:15

Literally one of the reasons I home Ed

Imagine raising your kid to believe they need permission to use the toilet or that no is an acceptable answer.
Grim!

I don’t want my kid to learn to deprioritise their body and needs like this.

My mum took the attitude (as someone said above) when I was at school that you ask politely once and then go regardless of the answer and she will pick up the flak after.

I would suggest you do the same op

Access to toilet facilites is a human right.

Children are humans.

No teacher has the right to refuse. I don’t care how annoying it is trying to manage 30 kids toilet needs (which I accept is a nightmare) bit that doesn’t mean you get to take away a childs basic right to empty bladder and bowels as required.

Tittyfilarious81 · 15/11/2021 11:15

@claymodels we shall just have to disagree ,as someone who had horrendous heavy periods and accidents because of not being allowed to go in lessons I wish something had been in place to just let me go instead of having to ask to be told no it would have helped so maybe that's why I don't think they are a bad thing . I do think everyone should be able to go the toilet when they want but the truth is in schools if they allowed that there would be a constant flow of kids in and out of class and there would be loads of disruption in the lessons

Pippi1970 · 15/11/2021 11:15

@mam0918

Pippi1970 - I'm sorry I didn't 'organise' my PCOS well enough for your liking, you'll be furious to know as an adult I have early stage kidney failure and I'm so lazy I don't take the magical time to fix that either.

Do you have any idea how fucking ignorant you sound - Imagine being lucky enough to not have a disability then belittling those who do by claiming its their fault for not being organised enough ffs.

Oh don't be silly.
claymodels · 15/11/2021 11:19

Why ever not? If the teacher is not letting them go to the loo and they need to because they have literally just come on?

My dd has male teachers and has no issue with it and I doubt the male teachers do either!

Your DD is one person. Just the one. You cannot speak for all based on the experience of one. Even if we were to take one persons experience as the 'base' here we would take the person who doesn't want to discuss their bodily functions with a teacher. Because that's basic fucking humanity. Don't force everyone to share just because some are ok with it. It causes no harm not to discuss this but it caddies some harm to have to.

Pippi1970 · 15/11/2021 11:19

No teacher has the right to refuse. I don’t care how annoying it is trying to manage 30 kids toilet needs

Hmm
Bookworm20 · 15/11/2021 11:19

There is no question that some girls use it as an excuse to get out of lessons. Otherwise speak to the teacher about it. The OP was saying that her dd shouldn't have to even say she had her period which seems very paranoid.

So what if they do? Its not all the girls. And I agree with OP. Why should a young girl have to say she is on her period.
She needs to visit the toilet. That's all the information they need to know.

Pippi1970 · 15/11/2021 11:20

@claymodels

Why ever not? If the teacher is not letting them go to the loo and they need to because they have literally just come on?

My dd has male teachers and has no issue with it and I doubt the male teachers do either!

Your DD is one person. Just the one. You cannot speak for all based on the experience of one. Even if we were to take one persons experience as the 'base' here we would take the person who doesn't want to discuss their bodily functions with a teacher. Because that's basic fucking humanity. Don't force everyone to share just because some are ok with it. It causes no harm not to discuss this but it caddies some harm to have to.

Probably should be encouraging girls not to feel embarrassed about periods though.
claymodels · 15/11/2021 11:20

[quote Tittyfilarious81]@claymodels we shall just have to disagree ,as someone who had horrendous heavy periods and accidents because of not being allowed to go in lessons I wish something had been in place to just let me go instead of having to ask to be told no it would have helped so maybe that's why I don't think they are a bad thing . I do think everyone should be able to go the toilet when they want but the truth is in schools if they allowed that there would be a constant flow of kids in and out of class and there would be loads of disruption in the lessons[/quote]

There is not anything in place though. The pass a farce. Ask for one in the morning and get one. So what does it achieve? Nothing!

You want to agree to disagree because you can't explain this bizarre idea

claymodels · 15/11/2021 11:21

Probably should be encouraging girls not to feel embarrassed about periods though.

You are struggling with the basics here, aren't you?

Nanny0gg · 15/11/2021 11:23

@EmotionalSupportBear

because boys need to know its normal and not some super private, icky thing to keep hush-hush?
Have you met teenage bullies? Boys or girls? Great, let's give them some more ammo.

My periods/toilet needs are not public property.

And there are other reasons for needing a toilet urgently sometimes. It shouldn't be questioned.
(unless obviously, the child is a repeat requester, in which case it can be investigated sympathetically)

ancientgran · 15/11/2021 11:24

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

Did she actually need to go because of her period or was that her excuse because she thought it was an excuse that no one could argue with? I remember being at school and using the period excuse for having to go to the toilet whenever I wanted, getting out of pe etc. It was a kind of smug 'I've got my period so I need to go and you can't say no' kind of thing for some girls tbh, i certainly used it too on a couple of occasions!
Happened to me over 50 years ago. I asked to leave a hockey lesson as I realised period had just started. Teacher refused. A few minutes later she saw blood running down my legs and told me to go and sort myself out. I never had a problem with her again
mam0918 · 15/11/2021 11:25

This reply has been deleted

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Bookworm20 · 15/11/2021 11:25

Probably should be encouraging girls not to feel embarrassed about periods though.

That comment has just pissed me off.

They are young teens and their body is doing crazy things. Yes its normal. But its also fucking embarrasing when your'e 13!

So what, they could be totally adult about it then and not be embarrassed?
or perhaps the teacher could treat them as adult too and not make them beg to use the fucking toilet.
Pick one.

Peaseblossum22 · 15/11/2021 11:26

And we wonder why we gave the most stressed, anxious and unhappy teenagers in Europe.