Elderly Neighbour. WWYD?

[CSIblonde]

Since I moved, I've had a weekly coffee with my neighbour, at his instigation. He's 70, lots of family locally, who he sees daily. It was fine at first, but now he won't stop asking me to go for a meal with him. I felt that was too much as he said he wouldn't split the bill or take turns paying. He also said worryingly "We'll go tor a few meal's & maybe see what happens". I very firmly squashed the more than friendship angle he was hinting at , but he's still bringing it up all the time, like a broken record. I now want to stop the weekly coffee as his persisting is making me uneasy. But that feels mean . WWYD?

Say no and start being busy when he wants to have coffee as well

I think you made a mistake there thinking 70 is elderly!!

Become very busy and vague about your availability

Definitely cool off with the weekly coffee because he seems to view it as a stepping stone to a relationship. Does he invite you to his or do you go to a coffee shop? Could you be very busy for a few weeks as it's the run up to Christmas?

Throw off those socially conditioned ‘be nice’ shackles and tell him he’s crossed the line and you won’t be seeing him anymore.

He’s a creep. He probably always was one.

I couldn’t be dealing with this. Stop the weekly coffees, he is taking advantage of your kindness.

As you say, he sees his family daily. He is not your family or responsibility.

He needs to be told to fuck off to the far side of fuck, and when he gets there, to fuck off some more. Blunt but effective.

Just be blunt- I would!! Just say are you thinking this might turn into something romantic? As it’s not what I want. I’m happy to stay friends though.

Just be busy for the coffee, decline then meal out.
How old are you? It makes no difference but I’m nosy

Just cut contact, Xmas coming up, ideal excuse, busy shopping etc. He has overstepped the mark and you won’t be able to keep things on a just a friendly basis. He sounds quite predatory, steer well clear.

Yeah this is definitely creepy territory. I would be busy for the next couple of months then if he asks again be blunt about it.

How old are you? Just want to see if it’s an age he thinks is reasonable 😆 sorry it’s not funny but it’s a little funny

@Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday

Throw off those socially conditioned ‘be nice’ shackles and tell him he’s crossed the line and you won’t be seeing him anymore.

He’s a creep. He probably always was one.

This.

@sluj

I think you made a mistake there thinking 70 is elderly!!

Good point. She must be really young to think 70 is elderly which makes it creepy.

I thought this was going to be about someone really old and on their own!
70 isn't elderly. I thought it was going to be about them not coping physically at home!
If he wasn't 70 what would you do? Do that

He is a creep.
Tell him to fuck off, block his number and knock the coffees on the head as of today.

'See what happens' what a cheek! Tell him to sod off.

Don’t worry about feeling mean. Just be busy and not available.

Some men always like to think they're in with a chance. He's obviously one of them. Knock the coffees on the head because he clearly won't take no for an answer and will get arsey with you at some point.

I get you. You don't want to be horrible because he's an old man. But it doesn't matter how old he is, he is being a creep. You have to end the coffees. Keep saying no thank you, I don't want to. Be civil but keep saying no thanks.

Don’t worry about being mean, you need to be mean to assert your own boundaries.
What you see as having a neighbourly coffee together, he sees as a younger woman taking an interest in him.

Stop the coffees, be firm, steer well clear.

Avoid him but f you can't avoid him for any reason you need to become a broken record yourself. 'I've already said no and keeping on asking me is not appropritae' or some similar form of words but say it the same every time. 70 is not 'elderly' these days.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

How old are you? Just want to see if it’s an age he thinks is reasonable 😆 sorry it’s not funny but it’s a little funny

It's not funny, it's creepy and inappropriate. Sick of women thinking male entitlement is funny.

If you don’t feel able to decline then you’ll have to lie. Tell him you’re self isolating……..forever!

Definitely echo what others are saying, you're conditioned to be nice, and it's not what's called for here.

I don't think this is a similar situation, but when I last moved I had an elderly neighbour who invited herself over to get to know us. We were OK with that by that way. During that visit she offered to show me something I wanted to know about, so we did that and during that time I realised I wouldn't want an ongoing friendship with her. It was hard but I've the course of months I had to make myself unavailable, "thanks for asking, I like x but haven't got the time", "sorry I can't invite you in but x y z". We still make the time to be friendly when she passes by and we're out front but there are no meet ups.