Elderly Neighbour. WWYD?

[CSIblonde]

Since I moved, I've had a weekly coffee with my neighbour, at his instigation. He's 70, lots of family locally, who he sees daily. It was fine at first, but now he won't stop asking me to go for a meal with him. I felt that was too much as he said he wouldn't split the bill or take turns paying. He also said worryingly "We'll go tor a few meal's & maybe see what happens". I very firmly squashed the more than friendship angle he was hinting at , but he's still bringing it up all the time, like a broken record. I now want to stop the weekly coffee as his persisting is making me uneasy. But that feels mean . WWYD?

It sounds to me as if he's after a woman to look after him in his old age! Apart from his persistence which is annoying enough in itself, you say he's repeating the same stories which isn't necessarily early dementia but someone who doesn't have much else going on in their lives so they haven't anything new to talk about.
Don't feel guilty about dropping the invites and if questioned say that he hasn't been listening to you when you have told him that you are not in the slightest bit interested in going out with him. If you feel you want to, you could always say I am okay to say hello if I see you outside but you're not prepared to build his hopes up by visiting him at home.

Good Luck!

A dirty old man is a dirty old man if 50 or 80. Look at our dearPM late 50s married to a much younger woman and hes repulsive .

When my dad in his 90s was in care,one of female residents told me my dad was a gentlemen better than many dirty old beggars in here she said,always touching you up.he respects women.i said yes he always has.Yet till his mid 90s my dad was very young for his age but he never would have chatted up younger women.He liked women as people a quality a lot of men dont have.

But all over 70s are not" elderly" but and i hope i dont sound sexist most women 70 plus are in far better shape than most men. Most men i see of that age seem way older than me and my 70 plus friends Im afraid i find few attractive but i wouldnt imagine 40 year olds would fancy me.

I wouldn't go for coffee or anything else with him. He's trying his luck with you. Just because he is 70 doesn't mean that the fire has gone out.

He was probably a womaniser in his early days and hasn't got out of the habit. Give him the address of the nearest over 60s club and say try your luck there.

@Winniewonka, the thought occurred to me too.

He thinks he can line her up to run after him.🙄

I absolutely think there are more men than women realise that retain their vanity decades after it was ever justified....if it ever was.

The entitlement🙄

Creep, using his “nice old man” image.

Be unavailable

70 is not elderly! My partner is 72...There is nothing wrong with a 70 year old man thinking there might be something more to be had from a woman in her 50s. Politely tell him you are not interested in his attention. Then see if he still wants to have coffee with you.

Dear lord - over 70 is elderly whether people like it or not! It is a fact! Even if you windsurf 😁

70 being ‘elderly’ or not is only relevant in this context in that the OP, and other posters, made the mistake of assuming that 70 year olds are old dears well past showing any romantic interest, and visiting out of ‘kindness’. Even though he clearly has lots of family company etc.

Shock horror: 70 year olds date. They start relationships. They have sex. He is no more a ‘creep’ than a man of any other age who invites women for coffee, dinner et.

And no less a creep than a man of any age if he gets nasty and doesn’t take no for an answer.

70 is not elderly! My partner is 72.

I think that's lovely.

He'll remember loads of interesting historical events like the moon landings, decimalisation, and the coronation. He can tell you what life was like before everyone had cars, when Churchill was PM and there was only one channel on TV.

How dare people say he's elderly.

70s isn’t usually elderly - my parents are early 70s and don’t seem elderly, especially not my mum. But it does depend on the person.

I have neighbours in her 90s, and she’s elderly.

This guy is a creep to be hitting on you, as you obviously aren’t interested. It wouldn’t be a mad age gap if you were interested, but you’re not, so that’s that.

When my 96 year old uncle lost my auntie , he told my sister that our auntie Wouid want him to find someone else. He didn’t have dementia or anything, he was completely serious. He still thought he was potentially in with a chance with nurses 50 years younger than him.
So what I’m saying is, a man is always a man and so don’t feel bad about firmly telling him you’re not interested. It’s hard for you to believe he’s trying his luck with you but he is lol 😂

I was gobsmacked a few years ago when my late DM (then in her late 70s) referred to my NDN as 'the elderly lady who lives next door'. My 'elderly' neighbour was 57.

In medical terms anyone over 65 is elderly.

'Ageing, an inevitable process, is commonly measured by chronological age and, as a convention, a person aged 65 years or more is often referred to as ‘elderly’

It's not nice, but it's fact.

A bit like anyone who is pregnant over 35, is referred to as a geriatric pregnancy.

Some women need to understand some things about the great majority of men:

1. They think they are/look younger than they are
2. They think they are better looking than they are
3. They think they are far more attractive than they are, and
4. They think women they are interested in are interested in them

As women often think exactly the opposite about themselves due to socialisation (most women think they are less attractive than they are, and are constantly obsessed about appearing younger), most women do not understand this about men.

Men are ften ALWAYS on the search for female attention. It is very rarely "innocent".

Older men will honestly, really believe they have chances with a woman 40 years younger.

This is how men think. We need to act accordingly to protect ourselves. And, hopefully, to tone down male ego.

The delusion not helped by them seeing men like Dolph Lundgren late 60s going out with a 24 year old personal trainer sorry but 😳

@sluj

I think you made a mistake there thinking 70 is elderly!!

^This! When I read the subject title I was expecting this thread to be about an elderly person, ie someone in their late 80s or 90s, frail and possibly with mobility issues. I laughed when I saw that the "elderly" man is only 70! I bet he'd be horrified if he knew that's how the OP describes him!

There is a lot of misunderstanding of life expectancy on this thread. Life expectancy for a man aged 70 in the UK is currently 86 on average.

The Ons has a Life Expectancy Calculator if anyone's interested.

According to the Gov.uk website, September 2021, male life expectancy in the UK is 79. For women, it's 82. As it's a Government website I assume their stats are pretty good . As I've said, he is frail, forgetful , deaf as a post, smokes like a chimney . I wasn't considering it charity or a kindness, I was trying to be neighbourly . I've stopped the coffees & he's a bit miffed.

Grow a backbone lady
Tell him no more coffees and that you are not interested in anything else.

@CSIblonde

According to the Gov.uk website, September 2021, male life expectancy in the UK is 79. For women, it's 82. As it's a Government website I assume their stats are pretty good . As I've said, he is frail, forgetful , deaf as a post, smokes like a chimney . I wasn't considering it charity or a kindness, I was trying to be neighbourly . I've stopped the coffees & he's a bit miffed.

It really doesn't matter whether he is considered elderly or not (as I said earlier our NHS clinical age is 65 or above for "old age services" as is social care's. )

What is important as OP said is that his advances aren't welcome, she was viewing him as an older neighbour that she was being friendly to and he was becoming intrusive misinterpreting this and repeatedly asking OP on a date when she had said no multiple times. Of course OP should shut this down and stop the coffee and as a MNer I am glad she has, doesn't matter if he is miffed. Most men who are rejected are miffed!, regardless of their age!

@CSIblonde

According to the Gov.uk website, September 2021, male life expectancy in the UK is 79. For women, it's 82. As it's a Government website I assume their stats are pretty good . As I've said, he is frail, forgetful , deaf as a post, smokes like a chimney . I wasn't considering it charity or a kindness, I was trying to be neighbourly . I've stopped the coffees & he's a bit miffed.

That refers to life expectancy at birth, which is different from life expectancy for someone who is already 70.

As I said, there's a lot of misunderstanding about life expectancy and what it actually means.

I agree 70+ is fair to call elderly.

Stand your ground, OP.

I got friendly with an older guy years ago. I was in my twenties and he would be at least in his 70's. My daughter used to play with his cat outside his house. He seemed really sweet and I would have a chat with him and a cup of tea every now and then. One day when I said goodbye he gave me a hug and a kiss and he stuck his tongue in my mouth! I was shocked and I never went back again! And I still felt mean!! God knows why!

@CSIblonde

According to the Gov.uk website, September 2021, male life expectancy in the UK is 79. For women, it's 82. As it's a Government website I assume their stats are pretty good . As I've said, he is frail, forgetful , deaf as a post, smokes like a chimney . I wasn't considering it charity or a kindness, I was trying to be neighbourly . I've stopped the coffees & he's a bit miffed.

Good for you OP.

Don't give him another thought.

@Tamrastarr

I got friendly with an older guy years ago. I was in my twenties and he would be at least in his 70's. My daughter used to play with his cat outside his house. He seemed really sweet and I would have a chat with him and a cup of tea every now and then. One day when I said goodbye he gave me a hug and a kiss and he stuck his tongue in my mouth! I was shocked and I never went back again! And I still felt mean!! God knows why!

Omg I’m actually laughing at this post 😂

That’s absolutely fucking bogging, you poor poor bugger.

What a dirty old fart he was bowk