Elderly Neighbour. WWYD?

[CSIblonde]

Since I moved, I've had a weekly coffee with my neighbour, at his instigation. He's 70, lots of family locally, who he sees daily. It was fine at first, but now he won't stop asking me to go for a meal with him. I felt that was too much as he said he wouldn't split the bill or take turns paying. He also said worryingly "We'll go tor a few meal's & maybe see what happens". I very firmly squashed the more than friendship angle he was hinting at , but he's still bringing it up all the time, like a broken record. I now want to stop the weekly coffee as his persisting is making me uneasy. But that feels mean . WWYD?

Elderly depends on the person. One friends dad is 69 and looks and acts like he is in his 90’s. On the other hand my dh uncle built our extension at 78. If you had said you were in your 20’s or 30’s it would have been a bit more creepy but I have several friends at my age who have 10 or 20 year age gaps (I am 48). The most important thing is if it makes you feel uncomfortable then it needs to stop. Wires have obviously been crossed.

@CSIblonde he's looking for a live in Carer.....YOU

@Dizzy1234 that's awful, how creepy and vile. Sorry you had to go through this.

@Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday

Throw off those socially conditioned ‘be nice’ shackles and tell him he’s crossed the line and you won’t be seeing him anymore.

He’s a creep. He probably always was one.

Imagine if everyone did this!

Stop playing along. It’s a head game.

Call it out and walk away

Why is he expecting you to buy him dinner? Bizarre

OP, I'm echoing what other previous posters have said. He's a creep. You have to be firm and blunt and say "no" in a polite yet no nonsense way. Wish him well but say "I don't feel comfortable with that, I'm sorry"

Most 65 year olds do not have a pension and have to work under current State Pension rules.

@Gardeningtipsneeded

Yuk. This was 100% what my grandad would do at any opportunity, any living breathing woman was a target and he honestly thought of himself as some kind of irresistible sex weapon, he was still doing it to the nurses at 88 in the hospice. Creepy men stay creepy men I am afraid. No more coffees!

'Irresisrable sex weapon' Made me really laugh that did, I might have to get that put on a tshirt for the DH to wear 🤣

@Wizzbangfizz.

I read it as he is insisting on paying every time, which makes it more of a control you owe me arrangement..

Maybe op can clarify?

Irresistable as well!!

Dump the nice girl chains & tell him straight. "Erm sorry, that won't be happening again as you clearly got the wrong end of the stick when I was friendly to you & that's now made me feel uncomfortable, so we will leave it at that & say no more.

Unfortunately nice won't work, it will only get worse

70 is hardly ancient

@Briony123

Men start to get the "old man smell" from 70. It's designed to put younger women off them - presumably to prevent babies being made with rotten old sperm. Once that smell develops then the man is most definitely, officially, old. Doesn't mean he doesn't still want it though.

What fresh hell is this? What a dreadful post. Imagine if someone had said something similar about women!

Anyway @CSIblonde YANBU, you really need to put this man straight. Why on earth he would think you were interested when you are only 52 (and look potentially in your late 40s,) just baffles me.

I am very close to your age, and like fuck would I be getting with a 70 year old man. No way. You will just end up being is carer! Maybe that's what he's looking for. Is it an option to have a word with someone in his family? He is harassing you really.

If this doesn't stop, I'd be thinking of moving house tbh! Good luck!

And yeah 70 is VERY firmly in the 'elderly' camp, despite a few posters saying otherwise, and getting extremely upset at the mere suggestion. And @Kuachui 65 is NOT middle aged. PMSL, how many 130 year olds do you know?! People need to stop acting like getting old is a bad thing, and just accept that 65+ is elderly.

[quote TeeTotaller1]@CSIblonde he's looking for a live in Carer.....YOU[/quote]
😂 I think he’s after a lot more than that!

My friend had this with someone who was about 80 that he met in a park. We were late 20s when it happened! He kept phoning him up and hassling, in the end my friend had to cut contact (which he didn't really want to do, but the guy was ultra persistent). I think some men are really arrogant and think they are entitled, and also don't pick up on cues to back off/stop saying that/leave people alone. I know it made my friend really uncomfortable because at first he enjoyed the company of this person and they went for walks etc.

70 is not elderly. I am 68 and still get attention. You see a little old man, he feels like a young stud.

@DameMaureen

What kind of person are you ? You sound revolting and uneducated.

Exactly. Younger women are generally not attracted to much older men, because people are usually attracted to people within their own age group, because they appeal more physically, and will have more in common, not because 'the old men stink, and have rotten old sperm.' Ewww, nasty comment @Briony123

@fuckoffImcounting

70 is not elderly. I am 68 and still get attention. You see a little old man, he feels like a young stud.

70 IS elderly.

70 isn't elderly

Oh no, OP has committed the cardinal MN sin. Despite the fact that half the population is dead by 80 apparently 70 is still early middle age.

@sluj

I think you made a mistake there thinking 70 is elderly!!

This ^

He obviously thought you were interested romantically. My grandfather fathered 3 children in his late 60s/early 70s.

If you are 52 and he is 70, he is likely to see you as potential dating material, yes. I would be clear that you are not interested in him romantically.

70 is elderly, but the outraged responses to this notion are a perfect example as to why the man in question probably doesn't think he is.

@Briony123

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

What a really shitty comment.

If you're 52 I can see why he thought you having weekly coffees with him might have been the start of a romance.
It's not on for him to persist once you've said no though.

His / your age is a red herring. Surely all that matters is that you're not interested