Elderly Neighbour. WWYD?

[CSIblonde]

Since I moved, I've had a weekly coffee with my neighbour, at his instigation. He's 70, lots of family locally, who he sees daily. It was fine at first, but now he won't stop asking me to go for a meal with him. I felt that was too much as he said he wouldn't split the bill or take turns paying. He also said worryingly "We'll go tor a few meal's & maybe see what happens". I very firmly squashed the more than friendship angle he was hinting at , but he's still bringing it up all the time, like a broken record. I now want to stop the weekly coffee as his persisting is making me uneasy. But that feels mean . WWYD?

He's 70, he's not elderly. He's just a man trying to get into your knickers, treat him like any other man trying to do this.

Just because he's elderly doesn't mean he has the right to manipulate you. Turn him down for coffee too. You don't owe him his unrealistic fantasies about you.

I agree that you should be less available to him. He’s making you feel uncomfortable and you owe him nothing.

Throw off those socially conditioned ‘be nice’ shackles and tell him he’s crossed the line and you won’t be seeing him anymore.

This with bells on. You've firmly laid out your boundaries and he's ignored them. He's not remotely concerned about your feelings so why are you worried about his?

@Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday

Throw off those socially conditioned ‘be nice’ shackles and tell him he’s crossed the line and you won’t be seeing him anymore.

He’s a creep. He probably always was one.

Yep, this.

You’ve told him you’re not interested, but he’s ignoring your wishes, making you uncomfortable and effectively harassing you. Being 70 doesn’t magically make this more excusable than if he were 30.

Try being bright and breezy.
If you are happy to carry on with coffee, then 'No, sorry, the weekly coffee is all I can offer - okay with that?'
Or if you are not happy with coffee anymore,
'I don't think coffee is a good idea any more, is it? Let's juust call it a day. I'll no doubt see you around'.
Or you could invite a couple of other somilar aged neighbours to join your coffee, then, ' Oh well, I'll leave you retirees to it. I must get on. Have a good week!'

Tell him no. Don’t be fooled by his age, his behaviour is not appropriate and sorry to be so negative but men of that age can still be physically strong and so on.. you could have no idea what you may be getting into.. I’d steer well clear.

FFS, a thread that makes women feel bad for not wanting to go out with a man much older than them because they are rude/ ageist etc.

I am 50 and someone 70 wanting to date me is icky. 70 may not be old in some people's eyes, but he should go fish in his own pond and leave younger women in peace in theirs.

FGS, you can't even be middle-aged now and left in peace without being hassled by some bloke who thinks he is the diogs bollocks.

Thank you for all the advice. It's always his idea & at his flat. I'm 52 but for some reason everyone always thinks I'm younger. I think I look my age tho especially lately : drained & knackered looking tbh, compared to my younger days when I wasn't bad looking. I have bad social phobia, sometimes struggle to leave the house , so it's quite a thing for me to accept an invite at all.

Why is it creepy? He is just making a pass at her, which is his right. He probably thinks he is engaging in “the chase”. OP needs to be firm and shut it down. I agree with the posters saying the thing is 70 isn’t elderly.

Are you reading the same thread? Pretty much everyone has told her to him the letchy old creep off

Sorry that was to Christmas

I agree with you that 70 is elderly OP, given that average UK life expectancy (if that's where you are) tends to fall around 80.
However YANBU, being elderly doesn't mean you can't also be creepy, I would stop going round for coffee as well, either by being "busy" whenever he asks or telling him you aren't interested.

Bin not him

You think he’s a nice man otherwise you wouldn’t go for coffee. Tell him you are uncomfortable that he thinks you may become romantically involved and repeat that you won’t. Perhaps have a quiet word with one of his family members. I know a man of a similar age, he was widowed, retired, had lots of friends and a good social life but also living alone and lonely. He fixated on someone to the point he scared her. He had no idea he was causing so much distress and was genuinely mortified when his children were approached to intervene.

Same as above, I would steer clear. I have a neighbour in his 80s who tells me all sorts of disgusting stories from his youth and not so long ago that he had a Thai girlfriend 65 years his junior! He even said if my DH went to Thailand he would never return as the ladies are very attractive and know how to look after themselves. He said 'no offence lovey' afterwards. He also said how lucky my DH was to have me to clean the house and that he couldn't find anyone that would do this for him.

I have told him I am actually wfh not a housewife but the concept is beyond him. I have said I am working on my laptop when he bangs on the window etc but he thinks it is for leisure probably thinks I am very lazy housewife

He’s made it clear what he’s after. I’d stop going to his flat altogether, you never know if he will decide it’s time to put something in your drink.

He's being tediously persistent, and his age is irrelevant.

The ick factor ascribed to his age by some posters is the usual ageist shite spouted on MN at regular intervals.

You need to work out where your boundaries are and set them. Whether that be cutting all contact or telling him coffee only and you don't want any meals out. Or even tell him romance isn't on the cards and you'll split the bills
Don't let it drift though

You've definitely both got very crossed wires here, but tbh I can see why he has. A younger woman is going for a weekly coffee with an older man, and older man thinks that it's headed somewhere else. Tbh I think your mistake OP is to presume you're doing some kind of community service by having a weekly coffee with an "elderly" person. That may be the case if he was a lonely 85 year old, but that's not what's happening here. Imagine he was 50, you'd stop meeting with him now wouldn't you? He sees it as a friendship that could go places, he's really not that old, and is very much pushing his luck! Just put an end to it, just like you would with a younger person who refuses to take no for an answer.

I thought the average life expectancy was 76 for men? 82 for women (last year's Daily Fail). Physically & mentally he's not great tbh , so he seems a lot older to me. Tho' I had a great friend in her late 70's who was fit as a fiddle & very young in her outlook & interests: & her partner was 10 years younger.

@Kuachui

id say 70 is elderly... for me ots young under 40, 40 to 65 is middle aged and over 65/70 is elderly.

some people are in care homes by 70, some people are using zimmer frames or walking sticks at 70, its all relative but basing off age i would also call 70 elderly hence why people retire... once they reach elderly

And I know people in their fifties in care homes that walk with frames - that doesn't mean all fifty year olds are elderly

Most 65 year olds are still working at least part-time if not full-time and some will still have children living at home with them - they are certainly not elderly at that age!

No point in falling out with him when you could be living next door for a very long time. Next time he asks you lunch, say firmly that, sorry, it's not on the table and you're happy limiting your meet-ups to the occasional coffee. If he asks again, just say that you've told him your position and aren't going to discuss it any more.