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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to be left alone with 2week old?

797 replies

Frederica852 · 13/11/2021 22:24

Our baby is due around the time of DH friend's stag do and wedding (stag do looks to be on or around the due date and the wedding 2-3 weeks later). Both are taking place abroad and will necessitate a 4 night stay (in different locations but each a 4-5 hour flight away).
DH is not particularly close to this friend, they're both part of the same wider group.

DH is saying he'll miss the stag do but really wants to go to the wedding so this will mean me staying at home with a 2 week old and a 3 year old. I have no family nearby and no help. I'm kind of shocked he wants to go and don't know how to say I'm terrified of being left alone so early on but don't know if I'm just being OTT

OP posts:
Star81 · 13/11/2021 22:27

I have to say I’m on your side with this one.

If it was a local wedding or a one night stay somewhere then fine but abroad while on paternity leave it a different story.

Athrawes · 13/11/2021 22:29

Tell him he can take the 3 year old.

Original poster
Frederica852 · 13/11/2021 22:31

@Athrawes

Tell him he can take the 3 year old.
It's a no kids wedding
OP posts:
eddiemairswife · 13/11/2021 22:32

Why can't you manage?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/11/2021 22:33

If the wedding was local-couple hours drive away I'd be sending him off to have a good time.

A 4day abroad trip? I'd think he needs to stay nearby. What if you go overdue? Have a csection?

Original poster
Frederica852 · 13/11/2021 22:34

@eddiemairswife

Why can't you manage?
Dunno, maybe I can but don't know what having two on my own is gonna be like yet!
OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/11/2021 22:34

@eddiemairswife

Why can't you manage?
Why should she have to manage?
CherryRedDMs · 13/11/2021 22:35

But if you go overdue the baby might be a few days old or not yet born.
If you end up with a section, at that stage you might not be ready to take care of a three year old. I couldn’t have lifted my toddler at that stage, for example.

ellenpartridge · 13/11/2021 22:35

If it was just the two week old I would be ok with it but with the 3yo as well I would not be keen. That's a lot to juggle that early on.

HeyFloof · 13/11/2021 22:35

@Star81

I have to say I’m on your side with this one.

If it was a local wedding or a one night stay somewhere then fine but abroad while on paternity leave it a different story.

This. Fuck that, no chance.
CherryRedDMs · 13/11/2021 22:36

Also my toddler was very attached to her other parent at that stage since I wasn’t available. It wouldn’t have been good for her to have that taken away.

ChilliChaos · 13/11/2021 22:36

Why should she have to manage? They’re his children too. Can you imagine if it was the other way round- people would be frothing that a mum wanted to leave her 2 week old to go off on a 4 day holiday

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/11/2021 22:36

Nothing to be terrified of with a bit of forward planning for food and supplies. Just have him get himself to from/airport and you will be fine.

TacoTues · 13/11/2021 22:37

@eddiemairswife

Why can't you manage?
Ugh. Didn't even take 5 minutes.

YADNBU OP - who knows what you'll feel like. And I'm sad your DH would prefer a wedding to helping his wife and newborn. X

PinkDaffodil2 · 13/11/2021 22:37

That sounds like a risky plan - if you’re even a little bit late, or have a c-section then you’d really struggle with both of them and no support for that long. A down side of destination weddings is that lots of people can’t go for all sorts of reasons.

Xmasbaby11 · 13/11/2021 22:37

Yanbu

It's sad that he wants to be away so soon after the birth. His priority should be with his family.

PinkPlantCase · 13/11/2021 22:37

@eddiemairswife

Why can't you manage?
The OP doesn’t have to ‘manage’ whether she in theory could or not.

I’m with you OP, wedding is too close to the due date.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/11/2021 22:38

@PlanDeRaccordement

Nothing to be terrified of with a bit of forward planning for food and supplies. Just have him get himself to from/airport and you will be fine.
You cannot plan and execute a straightforward birth with no aftercare on the exact due date though, can you?
whatsmyusername · 13/11/2021 22:39

If it was a night away and you could work round it but 4 days/nights is just not fair. You will be sleep deprived, emotional and need the support. You will be bonding with your new baby while trying to comfort, love and support your 3 year old. The fact that you don't know what the birth will be like also should be taken into consideration, what if you had a C' Section ! It's really not unreasonable to say you don't want him to go.

I'd concider how much the flights etc are, if it'd affordable to book just incase he can go and you can afford it I'd do that. Although in all honesty I doubt he would be going.

Although saying all this I'm sure you would cope as many have to who are alone, but why choose to potentially struggle if you don't have to as the support is there! Just seems crazy.

happytoday73 · 13/11/2021 22:39

Has he thought this through? You might be in the delivery suite, might still be in hospital or you or baby be taken back into hospital,might not be able to drive after a c section...
What will he be sorting for you, his new child and your eldest??????

thepinknecklace · 13/11/2021 22:39

Where is the wedding?

Can he drive and come home?

I would’ve been ok with mine at newborn and age 4 and after a c section. Quiet day in and chill out. Up to you though

Bettybantz · 13/11/2021 22:39

Would all of you staying nearby be an option or would that be a nightmare being away from home?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/11/2021 22:40

@thepinknecklace

Where is the wedding?

Can he drive and come home?

I would’ve been ok with mine at newborn and age 4 and after a c section. Quiet day in and chill out. Up to you though

Did you read the OP?

Both are taking place abroad and will necessitate a 4 night stay (in different locations but each a 4-5 hour flight away)

NameChange30 · 13/11/2021 22:42

YANBU at all.

Firstly, you have no idea when baby will be born and how the birth will go. Baby could be born 2+ weeks after the due date, you might have a Caesarian and not be able to do any heavy lifting or driving, and (hopefully unlikely but still possible) you or baby might need to stay in hospital or go back in. He will need to be at home to support you and look after DC1.

Secondly, he's not even particularly close to this friend! And even if they were close, a medium-haul flight and a 4-night stay is a lot. Presumably it will cost quite a bit, and it's unlikely that you have unlimited finances? However, if money is no object, perhaps he could still go but organise for a postnatal doula and/or maternity nurse (or whatever they're called) to support you while he's away.

NameChange30 · 13/11/2021 22:42

@thepinknecklace

Where is the wedding?

Can he drive and come home?

I would’ve been ok with mine at newborn and age 4 and after a c section. Quiet day in and chill out. Up to you though

🤦🏻‍♀️🙄