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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to be left alone with 2week old?

797 replies

Frederica852 · 13/11/2021 22:24

Our baby is due around the time of DH friend's stag do and wedding (stag do looks to be on or around the due date and the wedding 2-3 weeks later). Both are taking place abroad and will necessitate a 4 night stay (in different locations but each a 4-5 hour flight away).
DH is not particularly close to this friend, they're both part of the same wider group.

DH is saying he'll miss the stag do but really wants to go to the wedding so this will mean me staying at home with a 2 week old and a 3 year old. I have no family nearby and no help. I'm kind of shocked he wants to go and don't know how to say I'm terrified of being left alone so early on but don't know if I'm just being OTT

OP posts:
sageandbasil · 13/11/2021 23:08

Absolutely not. I thought this was just a day thing but 4 days!! Absolutely no way

Saoirse82 · 13/11/2021 23:09

@eddiemairswife

Why can't you manage?
🙄
Heiferr · 13/11/2021 23:09

"Why can't you cope?"

Honestly sometimes I swear the bar is so low it's in the fucking gutter 😒

trilbydoll · 13/11/2021 23:09

You would probably be okay with the baby, you'll be fine lifting a newborn but a 3yo in the equation makes it a big fat no. If they play up you'll be physically unable to do anything about it!

SickAndTiredAgain · 13/11/2021 23:09

Single mums do it all the time.

What an absolutely pointless argument. Maybe any woman who complains that her partner never changes any nappies because he just doesn’t feel like it should just buck up, after all single mothers change all the nappies all the time. Same for all the night wakings. Same for the entirety of parenthood.

FindingMeno · 13/11/2021 23:11

He needs to miss the do.
You may not be able to do everything if you have a c-section, and anyway, fuck that, why should you??
I'm all in favour of couples doing things separately but he needs to step up and realise it's out of the question.

NorthSouthcatlady · 13/11/2021 23:11

@Pawprintpaper exactly. Having young children and babies often means missing out on things. It’s just one of those things Confused

Hankunamatata · 13/11/2021 23:12

er NOPE who knows how delivery will go or afterbirth.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/11/2021 23:12

You know you're having a c section? So he is happy to leave his wife recovering from a major op alone while looking after a possibly unsettled 3 year old and nocturnal newborn and not being able to lift anything up? He is taking the piss, would this ever even cross your mind if he was having surgery?

Nanny0gg · 13/11/2021 23:12

@PlanDeRaccordement

You cannot plan and execute a straightforward birth with no aftercare on the exact due date though, can you?

No. But that’s not the question is it? The scenario is OP with newborn and 3 yr old for 5 days/4 nights. Single mums do it all the time. Besides, the DH is going to a wedding. It’s not like he can change the dates!

But they don't know what will actually happen until it does!

And why would he want to be away from them anyway? It's not as if it's family or his best friend

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/11/2021 23:12

@SickAndTiredAgain

Single mums do it all the time.

What an absolutely pointless argument. Maybe any woman who complains that her partner never changes any nappies because he just doesn’t feel like it should just buck up, after all single mothers change all the nappies all the time. Same for all the night wakings. Same for the entirety of parenthood.

Big difference between never and 4 nights But go ahead and conflate the two.
sybillalle · 13/11/2021 23:12

Nope, there is no way he can go. I can't believe he's even considering it, having had a baby before and knowing what it is like. And particularly with you having a C-section. Tell him now in no uncertain terms that you need him to stay with his wife a family.

KurtWilde · 13/11/2021 23:12

I was a single mum to a 3yo when my DS came along via c-section so I had to cope - lifting and all. BUT I had no option - and it was bloody hard! You have a partner and he should be there and not off on some jolly for a wedding. Would I be right in assuming he'd be away during his paternity leave then? That handy isn't it. It would be a hard no fucking way from me.

Nanny0gg · 13/11/2021 23:13

@Frederica852

I think he's disappointed to be missing the stag do so hoping to make it to the wedding
Tough shit
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 13/11/2021 23:14

@eddiemairswife

Why can't you manage?
Why the fuck should she have to?

Of course he shouldn't go. Why is it that this would never cross a woman's mind, but all these bloody men think this is an acceptable idea? Jesus Christ, men!

Original poster
Frederica852 · 13/11/2021 23:14

Weirdest thing about it is that it's 100% out of character. He has been dad of the year to date - more than his share of night wakings, early mornings, bathtime etc and even took shared parental leave.

It's really taken me by surprise

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 13/11/2021 23:14

Why does he need to go for 4 nights?

It’s a waste of money but surely he could fly out on the day of the wedding and leave early the next day.

IncyWinceySpiderWillies · 13/11/2021 23:15

Op, ask him how he’d feel if you fucked off for 4/5 days on a non-essential trip when he had just had major surgery and he had to look after a newborn baby and a toddler by himself?
Please go put the question to him now.

He’s being selfish and immature.

MrsKeats · 13/11/2021 23:15

A lot of people must have been very bad at comprehension at school reading through this Confused
Leaving you alone after a section is v selfish.

Nanny0gg · 13/11/2021 23:15

@Helenahandbasketbing

Can posters not read?
As a general principle, no.
SprayedWithDettol · 13/11/2021 23:15

Only an arsehole would chose a wedding over his partner and newborn child.

Maria1982 · 13/11/2021 23:15

No, no, no, a world of no.

You won’t be able to lift the toddler 2 weeks after c-section. You would be risking damage to your c-section, leading to complications/infection. Tell him that.

That’s quite apart from the fact that, as others have said, you shouldn’t have to cope alone with a new born and a toddler, and you would(I guess) never think of doing this to him.

He really hasn’t thought this through !

Nanny0gg · 13/11/2021 23:17

@WonderfulYou

YABU chances are you’ll be absolutely fine and won’t have any complications.

If worst comes to worst and you are in hospital or anything then he’ll have to cancel last minute but that could be the case any time, you can’t plan being ill.

Use it as an excuse to have a couple nights away on your own/friends in a couple months time.

She's having a bloody c-section and she has a toddler!!

And he is a father with a toddler, a newborn and a post-operative wife.

He needs to act like it

A tit-for-tat night away is not the answer

Starcaller · 13/11/2021 23:19

Hell to the nope. One night and a v close friend then I might be persuaded but four days?! Not a fucking chance, mate.

Nanny0gg · 13/11/2021 23:20

@PlanDeRaccordement

Of course OP doesn’t have to, Ive not said that. All I’m saying is it is entirely possible for a woman to cope with a newborn and a 3yr old for 5 days on her own. I’d have no problem with it myself.

If the birth went traumatically, then I would expect my DH to cancel and stay. But to say up front don’t go because what if this and what if that seems very pessimistic.

Well, bully for you.

If you think a friend's wedding trumps your new baby plus the additional complications, I have no words.