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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to be left alone with 2week old?

797 replies

Frederica852 · 13/11/2021 22:24

Our baby is due around the time of DH friend's stag do and wedding (stag do looks to be on or around the due date and the wedding 2-3 weeks later). Both are taking place abroad and will necessitate a 4 night stay (in different locations but each a 4-5 hour flight away).
DH is not particularly close to this friend, they're both part of the same wider group.

DH is saying he'll miss the stag do but really wants to go to the wedding so this will mean me staying at home with a 2 week old and a 3 year old. I have no family nearby and no help. I'm kind of shocked he wants to go and don't know how to say I'm terrified of being left alone so early on but don't know if I'm just being OTT

OP posts:
DameFanny · 16/11/2021 19:48

Excellent news OP

And if anyone wants to fill approx 220 posts with cancel the cheque then at least no one else will be able to suggest you might be overdue Wink

Sidehustle99 · 16/11/2021 19:49

@Frederica852

I'm so glad he saw sense. He maybe just got carried away with the idea and then came to his senses. Glad you don't have to stress about it and can now just enjoy our family Smile

JennyForeigner · 16/11/2021 19:50

Yes, same. There may be (some) hope for him yet.

From another majority income earner with three-month-old twins, and whose husband told her last night he is tired of helping during the day because all she does is sleep in the evenings.

Because I have done EVERY single night since the twins were born.

TheWeeDonkey · 16/11/2021 20:14

@hotmeatymilk

What a good, sensible update, *@Frederica852*! Hope all goes well with your unplanned vaginal birth as a SAHM… Grin
Grin

Glad he came to his senses @Frederica852. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, hope all goes well for you.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 16/11/2021 20:15

that is a relief op.
it was indeed a stupid idea
good luck

Libelula21 · 16/11/2021 22:47

All’s well that ends well!
Good luck with the birth and enjoy the shift to a family of 4!

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/11/2021 01:35

@hotmeatymilk

What a good, sensible update, *@Frederica852*! Hope all goes well with your unplanned vaginal birth as a SAHM… Grin
So

Much

This.

sybillalle · 17/11/2021 08:53

Excellent!

BIAx3 · 17/11/2021 09:12

Fuming at the “deal with it “ messages. Great that your birthday were so straightforward and you managed - not everyone is so lucky

Fine if all is perfect and dandy - but my second born was and third born needed to be kept in for a week and I had to stay with them. I had a C section . My daughter was very unhappy wjen her first brother arrived - even though she was expecting him. And she took it out on me.

He absolutely needs to know - you could go overdue , you could be asked to stay in hospital , or baby could … and the 4 yr old will need as much much normality as possible in what may be the first week after birth

Ridiculous of him to suggest it . I think he’s having a man panic

Franca123 · 17/11/2021 09:26

Yes, I wondered if he was having a bit of a panic too. From what the OP said, he sounds like generally a decent human being. Glad it all seems to have been resolved sensibly.

backtolifebacktoreality · 17/11/2021 09:41

If it was a "straightforward" birth then possibly.

However, two weeks after a C section whilst you have two kids to look after?

BIAx3 · 17/11/2021 09:56

I called it as a panic ! Let’s be honest - if we could do a runner from the Labour ward - we hmmmm any of us bloody well would in the stress of the build up

I have to say - I love my children but I wouldn’t see pregnancy and birth or the early days as a blessing … so stressful

So lovely that he could share his panic and sort it out … and you didn’t overreact either . Goals !

Good luck random anonymous lady !

BlusteringBoobies · 17/11/2021 10:34

@BIAx3 Good luck random anonymous lady !

Amazing. I shall use this going forward to end every post on MN! 😆

And I agree wholeheartedly, good luck random anonymous lady!!

Wellarentyouacleverdick · 17/11/2021 10:43

@Frederica852

Thanks for all the replies, it's been helpful to know I'm not being overbearing. When he came back he acknowledged it's a stupid idea and he's not going to be able to go became of the proximity to the c section date
You know my DH does this sometimes. Suggests something utterly stupid that there is no way that I am going to say 'oh yes, go ahead!' to ... I think he just wants to chance his arm!

Memorably he recently asked to go on a week long stag do to a festival in America happening early next year. I have a 3 year old at home full time and am a carer to our 5 year old who has a disability and I have an injury that means I struggle to lift at the moment. I find it hard to get a moment to myself for a break when he's here, let alone if he buggers off for a week abroad.

Yes, I do know that if I was a single mother then I'd have to manage. But I'm not, we're a team, we're a partnership and one half of that partnership does not get to bugger off for an extended period leaving the other one deeply in the shit just for a jolly. A night or two, fine, go and have fun then give me a decent rest when you're home. A week, and a seven hour flight away? No, not a chance.

I just looked at him and said 'really?'

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/11/2021 11:21

Ha! I'm glad he's come to his senses.
I'd like to think he managed to do that all by himself, but there is a reasonable chance that he was chatting to someone else who looked horrified when he said what he was planning and made him re--think it! (Or maybe that's just my DH who works that way....)

Madamum18 · 18/11/2021 17:58

@Frederica852

Thanks for all the replies, it's been helpful to know I'm not being overbearing. When he came back he acknowledged it's a stupid idea and he's not going to be able to go became of the proximity to the c section date
That is good. He has clearly thought about it and put you and the kids first having done so. Good on him!
Chasingaftermidnight · 18/11/2021 20:15

Would a mum be told she is being reasonable for leaving her male partner with a toddler and newborn baby after major surgery for four days? Would she fuck.

It's unfathomable to me that anyone thinks a decent bloke would want to do this. It's especially depressing when other women think that.

I agree - I can’t believe what low standards some women have for male behaviour.

As you say, if a woman posted on here saying her husband had his appendix out last week but she really wanted to go to an overseas wedding for 4 days next week which would mean leaving him with a baby and toddler to look after, it would be universally agreed that she was a selfish piece of shit.

WimpoleHat · 20/11/2021 11:19

Good news @Frederica852 - he’s finally come to his senses. Hope all goes well with the new arrival!

Goldiemummy · 25/11/2021 12:18

'Why can't you manage?'

There's always one isn't there! You shouldn't have to manage alone. You're in this together and so what if he has to miss a wedding. It's not the end of the world. He should be with you to support and help you. There's plenty of time ahead for partying x

hban · 26/11/2021 19:20

@DefineHappy

A planned c-section and he thinks it is appropriate to go away for 4 days when you have no other support? Hard no. Absolutely unfair and disgusting he would even think it is appropriate.
Absolutely this.
Heepers · 26/11/2021 20:02

Oh no, no, no. This is so unreasonable. We have a similar age gap and I would have been utterly furious and bewildered if my dh had suggested this.

I mean obviously you CAN do it and no one will die but why on earth should you have to? yanbu.

MyOtherProfile · 26/11/2021 21:33

Oh my word! This was resolved ages ago!

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