Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to be left alone with 2week old?

797 replies

Frederica852 · 13/11/2021 22:24

Our baby is due around the time of DH friend's stag do and wedding (stag do looks to be on or around the due date and the wedding 2-3 weeks later). Both are taking place abroad and will necessitate a 4 night stay (in different locations but each a 4-5 hour flight away).
DH is not particularly close to this friend, they're both part of the same wider group.

DH is saying he'll miss the stag do but really wants to go to the wedding so this will mean me staying at home with a 2 week old and a 3 year old. I have no family nearby and no help. I'm kind of shocked he wants to go and don't know how to say I'm terrified of being left alone so early on but don't know if I'm just being OTT

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 13/11/2021 22:43

You cannot plan and execute a straightforward birth with no aftercare on the exact due date though, can you?

No. But that’s not the question is it? The scenario is OP with newborn and 3 yr old for 5 days/4 nights. Single mums do it all the time. Besides, the DH is going to a wedding. It’s not like he can change the dates!

Thatsplentyjack · 13/11/2021 22:43

Tell him if he goes he doesn't fucking come back! What the fuck is it with men who thing they can jist up and leave whenever they feel like it to go on a jolly? The baby might not even be 2 weeks old by then, you might be kept in the hospital (obviously hopefully not) after the birth and only be home for a week before the wedding. Why would he even want to go? Is it really more important than his wife trying to deal with a brand new born baby and a 3 year old alone?! I think j might be more angry about this than you OP.

Chickychoccyegg · 13/11/2021 22:44

He's obviously not thought it through properly or he's really selfish.
It's a terrible plan, you might go into labour a week or 2 late or be recovering from a section

Original poster
Frederica852 · 13/11/2021 22:44

@CherryRedDMs

But if you go overdue the baby might be a few days old or not yet born. If you end up with a section, at that stage you might not be ready to take care of a three year old. I couldn’t have lifted my toddler at that stage, for example.
I'm having a c section so will be in the recovery phase. My first one was straight forward and I was up and about quickly but hard to know what this one will be like
OP posts:
NameChange30 · 13/11/2021 22:44

@Bettybantz

Would all of you staying nearby be an option or would that be a nightmare being away from home?
Again... 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

I sometimes wonder if people are on another planet

DefineHappy · 13/11/2021 22:44

I was back in hospital 2 weeks after my DC was born. In for a week with my newborn with me. You never know what is going to happen with a birth and that time after.

Direwolfwrangler · 13/11/2021 22:44

@thepinknecklace the wedding is abroad and involves 4 nights away.

OP, his plan is madness. I have a similar age gap and even with my straightforward delivery could not have managed both children alone for that long. What does you husband propose to do if there are any complications or you go overdue?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/11/2021 22:45

No. But that’s not the question is it? The scenario is OP with newborn and 3 yr old for 5 days/4 nights. Single mums do it all the time. Besides, the DH is going to a wedding. It’s not like he can change the dates!

  1. You insinuated that a bit of simple planning and snack buying would make this easy
  2. The OP is not a single mum.
  3. He cannot change the dates. But he can choose whether to attend.
Hardbackwriter · 13/11/2021 22:46

I could have done this when DS2 was two weeks old, while also caring for toddler DS1. Of course I could have, in a situation where it was necessary. This isn't such a situation and I would have been furious and devastated if DH had done this to go to a not even very close friend's wedding. It would make me question our whole relationship and I'd also have been so sad that he was unfussed about spending those early days with DS2.

converseandjeans · 13/11/2021 22:46

I think he can only really go if he can find a family member to come to stay. As others have said you might be late having baby, have c section or other complications. I don't think it's fair to leave you alone at such an early stage when it's a long flight away.

The poster saying "why can't you cope" - well sure she would have to if she was single parent or if DH worked away. But he's going on a jolly. Why should she?

Helenahandbasketbing · 13/11/2021 22:46

Can posters not read?

DefineHappy · 13/11/2021 22:46

A planned c-section and he thinks it is appropriate to go away for 4 days when you have no other support? Hard no. Absolutely unfair and disgusting he would even think it is appropriate.

Theunamedcat · 13/11/2021 22:47

In theory if all is optimal it would be fine but how can you plan something like this knowing its rare for everything to go to plan

Thatsplentyjack · 13/11/2021 22:47

@PlanDeRaccordement

You cannot plan and execute a straightforward birth with no aftercare on the exact due date though, can you?

No. But that’s not the question is it? The scenario is OP with newborn and 3 yr old for 5 days/4 nights. Single mums do it all the time. Besides, the DH is going to a wedding. It’s not like he can change the dates!

OP isn't a single mum, so she shouldn't have to. He can't change the dates, he can decide bot to go Confused.
NameChange30 · 13/11/2021 22:49

@PlanDeRaccordement

You cannot plan and execute a straightforward birth with no aftercare on the exact due date though, can you?

No. But that’s not the question is it? The scenario is OP with newborn and 3 yr old for 5 days/4 nights. Single mums do it all the time. Besides, the DH is going to a wedding. It’s not like he can change the dates!

Single mums do it all the time? Really? I would have thought it's quite rare for women to be single when they give birth, usually the father would still be around at that point even if they split up later. Or course there are some single mothers of newborns... but "all the time"? Nah.

Also. OP is not a single mother. Just because single mothers cope, because they have no choice, doesn't mean OP should have to.

Original poster
Frederica852 · 13/11/2021 22:49

Not sure I'll be able to lift the 3 year old 2 weeks post section, or will I?

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/11/2021 22:49

He also doesnt seem to be even thinking about his existing child. They will be adjusting to a new baby in the house, and have a mother who is recovering from major abdominal surgery on 3 hours of broken sleep a night.

Fun fun fucking fun.

What a dick he is.

Starryskiesinthesky · 13/11/2021 22:49

@Hardbackwriter

I could have done this when DS2 was two weeks old, while also caring for toddler DS1. Of course I could have, in a situation where it was necessary. This isn't such a situation and I would have been furious and devastated if DH had done this to go to a not even very close friend's wedding. It would make me question our whole relationship and I'd also have been so sad that he was unfussed about spending those early days with DS2.
This. What a selfish bastard that he wants to go away and leave you to manage. Why men behave like this and why we accept it …
Thatsplentyjack · 13/11/2021 22:51

Even if it is a planned section OP, still a big fat fucking no.

Bancha · 13/11/2021 22:51

It blows my mind that he would even suggest this. I’m honestly lost for words. I assume that if you said to him that you were going abroad for four nights after he’d had major abdominal surgery, leaving him with a newborn and toddler to care for, he’d think this was fine?

PinkSyCo · 13/11/2021 22:51

Your feelings are your feelings OP so of course you’re not being OTT. In any case I think lots of women would find the thought of being alone with a 2 week old and a toddler daunting. Be honest with your DH, if he’s any kind of man and is made aware of how terrified you find the idea of being left alone I’m sure he will happily forgo the wedding of someone he’s not even that close to. Good luck.

hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 13/11/2021 22:51

To all the posters saying things along the lines of, ‘why can’t you cope?’

Of course OP could cope. If it was a much more legitimate reason for being away for 4 nights, looking after a seriously ill relative, an unavoidable business trip that would have an impact on career if they didn’t go or maybe even a VERY good friend’s wedding, or indeed being a single parent.

But none of those are the case.

OP, YANBU. When I first read the title I thought it was going to be about your DH going back to work when your baby was two weeks old and I was coming on here to say YABU. But you’re not, at all.

SmellyOldOwls · 13/11/2021 22:51

Tell him to GET TO FUCK!

BirdsDoIt · 13/11/2021 22:52

You are not being OTT at all. Maybe one night, at a push, if it were a genuinely close friend. But 4 nights abroad? Absolutely no way. If your little one doesn’t sleep then you’ll likely be battling serious sleep deprivation, up in the night with them and then early starts with the 3 year old. I’d say it’s just not safe to be on your own for that long without support so soon after birth. Did he not get any sense of what it’s like to have a newborn from your first baby?

NameChange30 · 13/11/2021 22:53

@Frederica852

Not sure I'll be able to lift the 3 year old 2 weeks post section, or will I?
Of course you won't. I take it DC1 wasn't born by c-section? Usually they are scheduled for 39 weeks, so if the wedding is 2-3 weeks after your due date, baby will be about 3-4 weeks old.
Swipe left for the next trending thread