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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to be left alone with 2week old?

797 replies

Frederica852 · 13/11/2021 22:24

Our baby is due around the time of DH friend's stag do and wedding (stag do looks to be on or around the due date and the wedding 2-3 weeks later). Both are taking place abroad and will necessitate a 4 night stay (in different locations but each a 4-5 hour flight away).
DH is not particularly close to this friend, they're both part of the same wider group.

DH is saying he'll miss the stag do but really wants to go to the wedding so this will mean me staying at home with a 2 week old and a 3 year old. I have no family nearby and no help. I'm kind of shocked he wants to go and don't know how to say I'm terrified of being left alone so early on but don't know if I'm just being OTT

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 13/11/2021 23:20

Not cool at all that he even wants to go. You could have had an emergency CS and still have difficulty performing basic tasks by then! Totally out of order.

Greenrubber · 13/11/2021 23:20

You need to tell him that you might physically be unable to manage
If he wants to go he needs to pay for a nanny

mathanxiety · 13/11/2021 23:20

Tell him under no circumstances will you stay alone with a newborn and three year old while recovering from a CS.

He needs to give his head a wobble.

This is a terrible, terrible idea OP, burn it with fire.
THIS ^^

mathanxiety · 13/11/2021 23:21

@PlanDeRaccordement, you saw that the OP is going to have a CS, right?

Helpstopthepain · 13/11/2021 23:23

No, absolutely not! He is a selfish arsehole! You are having a csection!

Starcaller · 13/11/2021 23:23

Just because you can cope doesn't mean you should have to. Four nights with a newborn, a post-surgery wife and a toddler is taking the piss.

SplodgeWaddler · 13/11/2021 23:23

No way! How can he possibly plan for this when there’s no way of knowing yet when/how the baby will be born?!

RobertsRadio · 13/11/2021 23:24

If my DH did this I would never really forgive him for leaving me and our newborn and toddler on our own without another adult in those circumstances. I would never forget how little he cared for our safety and well-being and would always look at him differently.

elenacampana · 13/11/2021 23:24

@CherryRedDMs

But if you go overdue the baby might be a few days old or not yet born. If you end up with a section, at that stage you might not be ready to take care of a three year old. I couldn’t have lifted my toddler at that stage, for example.
This with bells on.

I’m 4 days post emergency c-section after a very straightforward pregnancy. My baby has an infection so we can’t leave the hospital yet, it could easily be 10 days between birth and home before we get there. On top of that, getting around is tough I and wouldn’t be able to manage with her at home on my own. We don’t have any other children, but I know I wouldn’t be able to look after my 1yo nephew alone atm and definitely not with my baby at the same time.

I’m usually all for couple being able to have social lives independent of each other and if one parent needs to opt out of a big thing like a wedding, I’d usually say the other parent should be able to go. However, not in this case. It’s just too impractical and I don’t think my husband would even suggest it x

saraclara · 13/11/2021 23:24

You won't be able to pick up the toddler, and you shouldn't be driving.

What is he thinking?

Borderterrierpuppy · 13/11/2021 23:25

So he wants to go away two weeks after you have major surgery and leave you to have both the kids! Absolutely no way, ask him if he would like to have an appendicectomy and then you’re gonna bugger off with your friends and leaving with the kids including a two week old baby and a toddler. Completely unrealistic, if he was the best man or something I would say go for 24 hours but he’s not even that close to this friend. Put your foot down hard and make it completely clear that it’s not on.

Starcaller · 13/11/2021 23:25

Also bloody abroad stag dos and weddings and no doubt the guy is surprised or annoyed when people can't take countless days and spend hundreds or thousands of pounds to come to their 'celebration'. Does my nut in.

sborber · 13/11/2021 23:26

This is a huge no from me. Christ, 4 days away from you leaving you with the two of them when your youngest is so small or even just a few days old? He shouldn't even be considering the idea.

Helpstopthepain · 13/11/2021 23:27

Single mums do it all the time

Op isn’t a single mum though!

Iloveacurry · 13/11/2021 23:27

DH is not particularly close to this friend, they're both part of the same wider group.

He doesn’t need to go then.

If he does go, tell him not to bother coming back.

victoriaspongecake · 13/11/2021 23:29

Yanbu

It's sad that he wants to be away so soon after the birth. His priority should be with his family.

Fgs it’s 4 days. It’s not like he’s abandoning the family forever.
Make sure you are stocked up with food nappies etc before he goes.
You’ll be fine.

nc198567 · 13/11/2021 23:30

You'll be fine Confused What are you worried about exactly?

I had 2 under 2 and regularly left alone. DH was away for a week in India on business a few weeks after i gave birth to DC2. Couldn't have cared less!

Saracen · 13/11/2021 23:30

No way. He's crazy to think this could be okay. Even if I let my imagination go wild and think that everything goes absolutely swimmingly, baby is born on its due date and well and you feel terrific afterward... it would still be awful for you to have to look after a newborn and a 3yo while recovering from major surgery. I doubt it would even be safe for you to do so.

If you want backup on this, you could ask the midwife what she thinks of the idea.

Mamanyt · 13/11/2021 23:30

I'm on your side. I was left alone with a 1-year-old and a newborn due to my ex's work, but I'd have been livid if he had taken off to a wedding. You'll survive this, if he goes, but it will stay with you.

FindingMeno · 13/11/2021 23:30

Those who think it will be OK probably should have seen the wounds that have opened up and become infected when those of us who've had no choice have done things too soon.
There's a reason why you shouldn't be doing too much after a c section.

likeafishneedsabike · 13/11/2021 23:32

@thepinknecklace

Where is the wedding?

Can he drive and come home?

I would’ve been ok with mine at newborn and age 4 and after a c section. Quiet day in and chill out. Up to you though

Not for FOUR days though.
Sarcobaleno · 13/11/2021 23:33

That soon after a c-section you should definitely not be lifting a toddler. I think he'd be extremely unreasonable to go. No way would I be agreeing to it.

TempNameChangexx · 13/11/2021 23:33

I think he's being unreasonable although I'm guessing he just hasn't really though it through (some men really don't seem to think through the effects of their actions....)
I wouldn't have been able to lift a toddler 2 weeks after my c-section and wasn't given medical clearance to drive until 6 week post section

Sarcobaleno · 13/11/2021 23:35

Ask him how he'd feel if he was left with them on his own for 4 days after major surgery. A c-section is major surgery.

jobsagudden · 13/11/2021 23:35

@eddiemairswife

Why can't you manage?
What a stupid question.

Any number of reasons? Pregnancy complications, mental health, csection just having two children for the first time ever?

I'd be saying not a ducking chance. DH went to a wedding abroad when DD2 was 6 weeks and DD1 was 2. I stayed with my parents for 4 days and it was still insanely hard work. Tell him to sod off!

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