To be overwhelmed by normal life.

[nonettles]

Well I know I am BU but I would like to know if anyone feels the same?

I have nothing truly difficult to cope with. I am single, no kids. Have loving wider family. Plenty of friends. Good job (working from home at the moment).

I just find I’m not very competent at life in general and get constantly overwhelmed. Examples:

There is food in my fridge going off. I missed the bins two weeks in a row. I ran out of toilet paper 2 days ago and am using kitchen roll. I have run out of clean clothes. The house is a tip. I haven’t eaten any proper meals all day today, just bread and ice cream. I know that these things are bad, I am bot proud or happy about being in this state, but I am just weary and have reached a state of apathy. If I sort myself out (which usually takes up a whole weekend) I will have a lovely clean house and clothes for a day or two, and then it will slide again by the end of the week and I’ll be right back again to square one and this same situation next Saturday.

I know I need a routine to keep on top of things on an ongoing basis and do washing and cleaning every day but there just don’t seem to be enough hours in the day and I have no energy or motivation left in my body. Looking after myself seems such hard work- I have NO IDEA how people with children cope.

On an ideal day I know I need to be: getting up and showered and dressed doing hair and makeup etc and tidying up as I go, making breakfast and cleaning up after, working for 8 hours, making and cleaning up lunch, making and cleaning up dinner, doing home admin, going to laundrette, ironing if needed, exercising, shopping for stuff, meet or call a friend / my mum, do some cleaning or tidying round before bed, doing something relaxing and fun like reading or knitting or yoga. It sounds so utterly basic and the sort of lifestyle I should be able to have and even elderly people can manage (I am just 33!) but it all feels so overwhelming to me. I have “started fresh” with everything in order so many times but I just can’t keep it up.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like such a failure as an adult. I have always been scatty but it has got worse as I have got older, not better, I think due to declining energy levels and general decline in motivation and joie de vie. Sometimes I wonder if I’m getting early dementia. My memory is shocking and my emails are full of typos, which they didn’t used to be. And I’m not good at “thinking on the spot” any more. I don’t think I am depressed, because I don’t feel sad. I can find enjoyment in life and I think I would be very happy if ONLY I could get my shit together.

Anyone else feel like this?
Anyone got ideas how I can sort myself out?

I feel the same.
Work gets the best of me and I have nothing left over

I can relate, suspect I have adhd, has this crossed your mind?

There are lots of things that you can do these days to make life easier for yourself such as robot mops and vacuums and groceries delivered by deliveroo and even healthy ready meals such as cook.

A lot of people will recommend following The Organised Mum Method, but I prefer the Americans - one blog and podcast called A Slob Comes Clean is absolutely brilliant because it deals with the mindset of why we are messy (our brains are different) and what we can do about it.

Put as much as you can on amazons subscription, ie, order toilet roll/dishwasher tablets/cleaning products once, then they automatically get delivered every 3 months. It's one less thing to worry about.

But the basics are just "little and often" and "clearning up as you go" - there isn't really any getting away from that - Flylady is american and a good one to follow but there are lots about.

If something needs to be done and i'm not keen to do it I find that listening to a podcast, either motivational or an audio book does help.

Life is a juggle. But no one needs to do all that stuff you listed all on one day. Take the pressure off. I exercise once a week. I don’t iron anything. I cook from scratch maybe three nights a week and on the other nights eat leftovers or something from the freezer. I don’t wear make up or do much with my hair. I have a cleaner once a fortnight. I do do a lot of washing though because I have a child so I stay on top of that. I don't tidy every day. I do a big online order of things like loo rolls / cleaning products etc from Wilko so I don’t have to think about physically going to shop for it.

It’s about doing enough so that you are vaguely on top of things and organised but not so much that you burn out. A fine balance.

You talk about doing hair and make up every day - try to find a way to claw back some time, such as having a low maintenance hairstyle and semi-permenant make up lol.

I think working from home doesn’t help. I only keep a routine as i have to get the kids out if not each day blurs into one as i have no reason to leave the house.
Can you maybe factor in a walk to the shops at lunchtime? Going out in public makes me get dressed properly rather than chucking ok the same clothes from the day before. If i know i need clean clothes i have to make sure they are washed. Also when at the shops buy something to eat/ cook for that day.
Thats what works for me

Have you ADHD?
Stop being so hard on yourself !!

Inattentive adhd, would put money on it. Makes you feel like a totally dysfunctional adult. I have it too.

Was about to say ADHD.

adhd was my first thought

www.verywellmind.com/add-symptoms-in-women-20394

Thanks everyone. It’s funny you mention ADHD. It has crossed my mind (specifically ADD), but I got through school perfectly okay (straight A student). Also I am generally a bit suspicious of ADHD diagnoses (no disrespect to anyone who has one) because I feel they are sometimes given a bit too readily when doctors are at a loss?
And I am a bit dubious about taking medication….. although if it really helps I would consider it. Does anyone who was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD as an adult take medication and find that it helps?

I actually saved this earlier so I relate! And I do have DC, and you do cope, but my mental energy once DC is in bed is zero.

I get you, it's just all so overwhelming and relentless sometimes.

It takes 21 days to form a habit apparently. I’ve just downloaded the habit app and put the basics like getting dressed. Clean down my desk, have breakfast etc as I’m WFH but found it encouraging and satisfying to tick them off every day or however often they occur. I’ve just had a massive clear out of my home, make sure Friday is my weekly shop day and always write a list and as it’s also bin day everything gets cleared out that morning. I’ve no children just a partner but also find things slipping, I’m at the point I’ve asked my mother to come help me out with clearing the house out and found it a massive help. I’ve also started to do a load or two of washing mid week (I only have 3/4 per week anyway) but found it helps

Same here OP. I'm very low functioning. No solutions from me, but solidarity.

[quote StrychnineInTheSandwiches]adhd was my first thought

www.verywellmind.com/add-symptoms-in-women-20394[/quote]
Gosh. This is like it can see into my brain.

Definitely sounds like executive functioning difficulties. Like others have said, could you have ADHD or be on the autism spectrum? I don't have ADHD but I'm autistic and my executive functioning is shit. I second the A Slob Comes Clean podcast recommendation - I find it very reassuring and motivating.

Most days I don’t wear makeup just have a good skincare routine and sunblock. Wash the dishes once a day, clean the house once a week. I usually vacuum and tidy once a week and this is enough. Write lists for what you need. I’m at the supermarket 3x a week but have kids so the lists are constant but help me stay on top of things.
Do you drink op? Are you constantly hungover? I couldn’t be arsed with anything when I drank most days had to reduce alcohol intake but feel and look much better.

I think WFH when you live alone can be really tough.
Have only been doing it for about six weeks, definite feeling of it not being good for MH - and I had a weeks holiday in the middle of that - was also partially knowing that short dark days of winter are draining.

My solution has been to organise hotdesking space in superb offices nearby - I'm very lucky, it's a scheme subsidised by the local council. Not hugely chatty in the building, but it gets me into a different environment, they have some business related social events, short walk to/from work, and I'm working a lot more productively.
For me, it's well worth the £100 a month - I feel so moch more positive for having this sorted. (Today has still been a bit of a duvet day, and it hasn't miraculously sorted out the flat and done the washing...)

If there isn't anything similar near to you, or would be too costly for you, do you have a library or coffee shop with WiFi that you could make a routine of working from for part of the day?

@danorak @Atozofpoodles @Whyamistilltired @madmomma Thanks, solidarity with you too 💛 It helps not to feel alone in this!

Oops just seen the other comments re adhd just ignore my message op

@nonettles

Thanks everyone. It’s funny you mention ADHD. It has crossed my mind (specifically ADD), but I got through school perfectly okay (straight A student). Also I am generally a bit suspicious of ADHD diagnoses (no disrespect to anyone who has one) because I feel they are sometimes given a bit too readily when doctors are at a loss? And I am a bit dubious about taking medication….. although if it really helps I would consider it. Does anyone who was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD as an adult take medication and find that it helps?

It's a touch more scientific than that...

I've got a couple of degrees. Life has been easier now I understand the reason I don't cope with some stuff. Not medicated.

No I don’t drink.
Yes- it is executive functioning isn’t it?
I hate working from home but my office has closed since Covid as a cost saving measure I am really upset about it but that’s another thread.

I think you should look into hypothyroidism. Maybe request a blood test from doctor. I sound just like you when I miss a few of my tablets. Google the symptoms. Under active thyroid.

@Wombat49 Thanks, how do you cope though? I lack willpower… or at least I have the will, but the power is missing. I don’t know how to find it?