To be overwhelmed by normal life.

[nonettles]

Well I know I am BU but I would like to know if anyone feels the same?

I have nothing truly difficult to cope with. I am single, no kids. Have loving wider family. Plenty of friends. Good job (working from home at the moment).

I just find I’m not very competent at life in general and get constantly overwhelmed. Examples:

There is food in my fridge going off. I missed the bins two weeks in a row. I ran out of toilet paper 2 days ago and am using kitchen roll. I have run out of clean clothes. The house is a tip. I haven’t eaten any proper meals all day today, just bread and ice cream. I know that these things are bad, I am bot proud or happy about being in this state, but I am just weary and have reached a state of apathy. If I sort myself out (which usually takes up a whole weekend) I will have a lovely clean house and clothes for a day or two, and then it will slide again by the end of the week and I’ll be right back again to square one and this same situation next Saturday.

I know I need a routine to keep on top of things on an ongoing basis and do washing and cleaning every day but there just don’t seem to be enough hours in the day and I have no energy or motivation left in my body. Looking after myself seems such hard work- I have NO IDEA how people with children cope.

On an ideal day I know I need to be: getting up and showered and dressed doing hair and makeup etc and tidying up as I go, making breakfast and cleaning up after, working for 8 hours, making and cleaning up lunch, making and cleaning up dinner, doing home admin, going to laundrette, ironing if needed, exercising, shopping for stuff, meet or call a friend / my mum, do some cleaning or tidying round before bed, doing something relaxing and fun like reading or knitting or yoga. It sounds so utterly basic and the sort of lifestyle I should be able to have and even elderly people can manage (I am just 33!) but it all feels so overwhelming to me. I have “started fresh” with everything in order so many times but I just can’t keep it up.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like such a failure as an adult. I have always been scatty but it has got worse as I have got older, not better, I think due to declining energy levels and general decline in motivation and joie de vie. Sometimes I wonder if I’m getting early dementia. My memory is shocking and my emails are full of typos, which they didn’t used to be. And I’m not good at “thinking on the spot” any more. I don’t think I am depressed, because I don’t feel sad. I can find enjoyment in life and I think I would be very happy if ONLY I could get my shit together.

Anyone else feel like this?
Anyone got ideas how I can sort myself out?

@SparklingLime that’s what my brain looks like (& with meds it’s a bit easier to close, if not all 489 tabs, at least some of them..)!

I had so many tabs open the other day I found out there is a limit to the number you can have all at the same time

I had to delete some pages in order to get a new page.

I have the page of the advert for my car that I bought in July 2019 still open.

The Chrome One Tab extension is your friend!

You can click and it closes all the windows at once, but it saves them so you can go back to them later if you want to.

I rarely do go back to them, but knowing they're there in case I need them means I'm much happier about closing them all, every so often.

chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/onetab/chphlpgkkbolifaimnlloiipkdnihall?hl=en

@andoffwego I can't totally relate to what you are saying about the choosing the art work and frames etc, I'm exactly the same. is it possible for you to get any art work that you like on canvas so you don't have to think about framing? maybe ask family to buy you art work for Xmas?
I've been meaning to decorate my living room for the last 3 years but find it impossible to make decisions on wallpaper, colour scheme etc. I find it all too much and overwhelming so my house stays in the same shabby state that I'm embarrassed about. I never used to be like this years ago.

@CecilieRose

It definitely sounds like ADHD. And contrary to what you seem to believe, it's incredibly UNDERdiagnosed in girls/women precisely because most of us find coping mechanisms and manage to mask it really well. It's common to be intelligent and a high achiever despite the executive functioning difficulties, particularly if it's comorbid with autism, which it often is.

What I never realised was just how hard I had to work compared to other people to get my good grades. I simply wasn't able to go out partying in exam season and do a few hours' study before the exam like other people. I need to be completely rested, with 8-9 hours's sleep every night, to even function at all, and my study conditions had to be perfect. Any kind of distraction like a flickering light or someone talking would ruin my focus and it would take ages to get it back. I did not realise as a younger person just how many sacrifices I had to make to do well at school/uni.

I wish so much I'd been diagnosed earlier because it's not just about academics - it's ruined a lot of relationships as well. Partners have seen me as lazy and careless because I'm so messy. I actually despise mess but just don't have the executive function to be able to keep on top of all the little things you need to do to maintain tidiness and order. I don't seem to be able to 'see' it until it's too late and the flat is a pig sty. It's been a bit better since my diagnosis, but it's still a daily battle. One thing that helps is that I made a promise to myself to NEVER go to bed without doing the dishes and wiping the surfaces. I always used to forget, and walking into a dirty kitchen and a sink full of pots and pans would mean the next day started badly and I felt even more shit about myself, and it was a vicious circle.

For me the biggest issue I have is prioritisation. I find it really hard to know what I should do first, and so all the tasks I have to do are just swimming around my head, and I often then get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing. Or start a load of different things because I'll be, say, cleaning the bathroom and then go into the kitchen to get a product I need, and then in the kitchen I realise the hob is really dirty so I start cleaning that, and then forget about the bathroom, so nothing ever gets completed, which means I never get the 'buzz' most people get from completing tasks. It all just feels so endless and enormous. And it's not laziness, because I'm working hard to do all these things, and then I don't have any downtime. So I'm putting in loads of work for no reward - wouldn't anyone get depressed and frustrated by that? I try to manage it by making a list of everything I need to do in a day and then ordering them by priority (for example, paying a bill NEEDS to be done, so that should be first, then I should put on a wash so I have clean clothes for work, then I can clean the bathroom, etc.) I don't think most neurotypicals realise just how hard this is for us, because it comes very naturally to them. It's just obvious to them what they should do first and what can wait, but it really isn't obvious to us at all. And this can fuck up your life massively and have serious consequences for things like jobs and relationships.

@CecilieRose close to tears… you’ve described me to a T. Including the good grades (other people managed to get good grades and have a childhood) , mess/laziness. And the dirty dishes every morning staring at me in the face. Seriously you have no idea how helpful/emotional whatever this post has been