Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be still be seething that DH got me a PEN for my 50th birthday?

220 replies

UserOfLotsOfDifferentNames · 12/11/2021 09:53

Birthday was last month and I got really nice presents from friends and family and he got me that.

What does that say about how he feels about me I wonder?

He said he got it as I’ve just started retraining so am studying part time but it was only about £20 and he could have given me it separately if he really wanted to give me something for that.

For his birthday. I stayed up to make sure I got tickets for something he loved as soon as they were released online, booked a posh hotel as the event was some distance away and gave up my time to go with him when it wasn’t something that interested me. Came to around £350 and it wasn’t a milestone birthday for him. I also got cards and presents from younger DC for him. He didn’t take them to get anything for me.

This has just compounded the fact that he has little care for me at all and I feel quite sick actually.

OP posts:
sjxoxo · 12/11/2021 15:32

..that was for the pp whose husband ran off from the pub lunch now wanting to go to Australia for his birthday! X

JamieNorthlife · 12/11/2021 15:33

Next year buy him 20x bic pens 🤣

Why 20? give him just one. Or regift the pen he offered you.

HoseMeDownWithHolyWater · 12/11/2021 15:38

@JamieNorthlife

Next year buy him 20x bic pens 🤣

Why 20? give him just one. Or regift the pen he offered you.

A broken one that's been chewed by someone else.
nomorefrogs · 12/11/2021 15:40

We could each post you the shittest pen we find under our sofas and then you could spend £4.50 on a pencil case for him for Christmas and put the free pens in.

Seriously though you need to show how sad that has made you feel and see if he can resolve it. After a month then it seems unlikely he has any other present or surprise for you!

ferneytorro · 12/11/2021 15:43

Oh dear, I can’t tag but the poster called jennyjune has just been on another thread normalising some abusive behaviour from a mother to a daughter. To be fair they then did start to question if their upbringing was a bit off so perhaps This thread as well will give them pause for thought. I do sympathise as I’ve been in a similar situation thinking poor behaviour was normal.

Bollindger · 12/11/2021 15:44

There was a other thread like this and the OP of that thread decided to take the hint and stop doing things for her DP's gifts.
She thanked him for showing her one gift is enought, and that she won't take the children shopping for his Christmas gifts.
Do this. Spend £5 on him this Xmas, sock sounds good..

JamieNorthlife · 12/11/2021 15:49

@Bollindger

There was a other thread like this and the OP of that thread decided to take the hint and stop doing things for her DP's gifts. She thanked him for showing her one gift is enought, and that she won't take the children shopping for his Christmas gifts. Do this. Spend £5 on him this Xmas, sock sounds good..
Maybe the cheapest pair of socks you can find at Primark or used socks from his drawer.
JustLyra · 12/11/2021 16:07

@CatsArePeople

I think we can pretty much conclude that men are bloody useless at shopping for gifts.

solution - demand money/go shopping for a specific thing together.

Because if you expect thought or a nice surprise, you may just get a pen or a toaster.

My OH, sometime ago, when i pointed at a perfume i wanted, bought something else entirely, saying "well, it was a bigger bottle for the same price!" Confused can you even argue with that sort of logic?

I think that’s bollocks.

DH is much better at shopping for presents than me.

BIL is terrible at it, but know that so makes a point of asking, or writing things down when his wife mentions them, to make sure she gets some ring decent to open.

Men who are shit at presents and do nothing to negate that just don’t give a shit.

Prattypitel · 12/11/2021 16:10

Go to Ikea and buy something really nice just for you and pick up one of those free small pencils to give him.Tell him next year,you will get the pencilsharpener for him.

Vapeyvapevape · 12/11/2021 16:15

@ferneytorro I know who you mean - quite a few of her posts seem to be skewed , probably due to her upbringing.

madisonbridges · 12/11/2021 16:18

Have I missed the point of this thread? I thought the op was more upset that she feels the lack of care taken over the gift has made her realise that he thinks very little of her. So really giving crap presents back is really beside the point, isn't it? Surely it's more important to consider if her marriage can be saved or is indeed worth saving?

Or have I misread it and actually if he got her a diamond necklace, everything would be good again?

1FootInTheRave · 12/11/2021 16:24

This is awful.

What a shit he is.

Happy Birthday op Flowers

KaycePollard · 12/11/2021 16:36

Well I was given a Mont Blanc pen for my 60th. I’m a writer, so it was pertinent but I use a laptop not ink … but really, I never look a gift horse in the mouth. A present is a present.

tttigress · 12/11/2021 16:39

I don't think a diamond necklace is unreasonable.

You would think he would be happy he was told what to buy.

Megan2018 · 12/11/2021 16:43

@KaycePollard

Well I was given a Mont Blanc pen for my 60th. I’m a writer, so it was pertinent but I use a laptop not ink … but really, I never look a gift horse in the mouth. A present is a present.
Sometimes a present isn’t, it’s a PA insult. A £4.50 pen is an insult dressed up as a gift.
RedHot22 · 12/11/2021 16:44

@madisonbridges

Have I missed the point of this thread? I thought the op was more upset that she feels the lack of care taken over the gift has made her realise that he thinks very little of her. So really giving crap presents back is really beside the point, isn't it? Surely it's more important to consider if her marriage can be saved or is indeed worth saving?

Or have I misread it and actually if he got her a diamond necklace, everything would be good again?

Yes, you have missed the point of the thread
Megan2018 · 12/11/2021 16:46

@madisonbridges

Have I missed the point of this thread? I thought the op was more upset that she feels the lack of care taken over the gift has made her realise that he thinks very little of her. So really giving crap presents back is really beside the point, isn't it? Surely it's more important to consider if her marriage can be saved or is indeed worth saving?

Or have I misread it and actually if he got her a diamond necklace, everything would be good again?

That’s how I read it too. The OP says there is backstory. I wouldn’t be married to someone that did that. But some people put up with all sorts of crap on here. I wonder what the true divorce rate would be if they all stood up for themselves!
ichundich · 12/11/2021 16:57

YABU, unless it was a Montblanc pen with a golden quill! I'd be annoyed too.

ichundich · 12/11/2021 16:59

@ichundich

YABU, unless it was a Montblanc pen with a golden quill! I'd be annoyed too.
I meant YANBU!
GatoradeMeBitch · 12/11/2021 17:01

Well I was given a Mont Blanc pen for my 60th. I’m a writer, so it was pertinent but I use a laptop not ink … but really, I never look a gift horse in the mouth. A present is a present.

You're a writer but perhaps not a very observant one because you can't see the difference between your gift and OP's.

It's like saying, "I got a beautiful Chanel bag for my birthday, so why are you upset your DH bought you a cheap tote from the shop he works in? A present is a present..."

HollowTalk · 12/11/2021 17:01

I would be very upset by this. What's he like normally?

TowandaForever · 12/11/2021 17:07

@FluffyBlueJumper

For my 40th five months ago, DH got me... nothing. He changed the family car. Apparently it counts as my present. He got a helicopter ride for his 40th.
How do you cope/ move forward from that?!
TowandaForever · 12/11/2021 17:12

@DerektheGoose

That's really crappy of him OP I got nothing for my 50th from DH - not even a card. It's his 50th next year and I just know he'll expect the moon on a stick Hmm
Take inspiration from others on this thread and teach him a lesson.
TowandaForever · 12/11/2021 17:15

@1forAll74

How ungrateful to think along these lines, when someone gives you a gift. no matter what the price was.. It is cringeworthy,to hear about folks, who say,well I paid a lot for someones presents, and all I got is cheapo.. quite shameful ! So you think that paying less for something, means that a person doesn't think about you, or care for you, what tosh!
A pen from work? Literally zero thought
alfagirl73 · 12/11/2021 17:30

I was ready to say YABU as I was expecting it to be a Mont Blanc or other quality pen.

I personally like a nice pen as a gift - if it's a really good one - something special. However in this case firstly, it's a cheap, crap pen but also - it's not what you actually wanted or would want. If you're not a "pen" sort of person then it's a gift without thought, regardless of price.