To be still be seething that DH got me a PEN for my 50th birthday?

[UserOfLotsOfDifferentNames]

Birthday was last month and I got really nice presents from friends and family and he got me that.

What does that say about how he feels about me I wonder?

He said he got it as I’ve just started retraining so am studying part time but it was only about £20 and he could have given me it separately if he really wanted to give me something for that.

For his birthday. I stayed up to make sure I got tickets for something he loved as soon as they were released online, booked a posh hotel as the event was some distance away and gave up my time to go with him when it wasn’t something that interested me. Came to around £350 and it wasn’t a milestone birthday for him. I also got cards and presents from younger DC for him. He didn’t take them to get anything for me.

This has just compounded the fact that he has little care for me at all and I feel quite sick actually.

I think we can pretty much conclude that men are bloody useless at shopping for gifts

No , they are not useless at shopping for gifts, they are uncaring , don’t listen and lazy.

Why does having a penis mean you can’t put thought and effort into buying a gift ?

Do you think it was thoughtless and lazy or intentionally hurtful, User?

Well I thought £20 was tight but £4.50 is ridiculous. I would be embarrassed to put a £5 note into a kids card for a party present. Does he really think you are that worthless? I guess we can't say whether this is LTB or not I'm without more info. Does he generally treat you with love, consideration and respect? Or is this the latest in a long line of crap husband effort? If it's a one off lack of effort then I would express my hurt and give him an opportunity to redeem himself. If he is generally selfish and mean then I would be reviewing my marriage.

Yes OP, I too would be livid.

£4.50 pen??? What is wrong with him?

Seriously, what is wrong with him because something must be?

How is he justifying this as ok? What is he like the rest of the time?

I had a completely rotten birthday a few years ago with DH's complete lack of thought and effort. I went to bed at 9.30pm and cried myself to sleep.

He's not a bad person, he's just a bit thoughtless and birthdays don't register for him. So I have stopped making the effort with his, and make sure that I arrange my own birthdays so I'm not relying on anyone other than myself for how the day goes. I've had days out at the coast just me and the dogs; lunches out with our DDs. Last birthday, I arranged a private dining room in a local hotel and did a family lunch.

I'm a firm believer that you get what you give....... hence DH having a massive strop on his last birthday as no one bothered.

I think the pen was actually a lovely gift.

It was £4.50, picked from where he works. Not lovely at all. More 'Shit! It's OP's 50th and I haven't got her anything. I'll just nab one of these cheap pens & spin her some bullshit about her using it for her training'.

That would be demoralizing.

I think you should refrain from exchanging gifts. Just tell him you see he doesn't care to make an effort so you'll relieve yourself of the burden, too. Why keep up the charade?

The more I think about this the crosser I get. He didn't even make the effort to leave his work to buy it!
The sheer laziness and lack of effort is awful. Where do you work op? Could you wrap up something crap from there for his Christmas paper? A pack of A4 paper perhaps?

There must be something psychologically wrong with him - as I say, as nobody would do this. You wouldn’t even spend that on one of your kid’s random friend’s birthday party.

The fact that he didn’t even go out of his way to buy the pen but got it from where he works just adds insult to injury.

Thoughtless my arse.

This is a cop out that people wrongly assume to let men off.

This is 100% "I can't be arsed and I really don't give a damn what her reaction is to me not being arsed.".

Couldn't be clearer IMO.

@WonderfulYou

I think the pen was actually a lovely gift. Most gifts are just run of the mill stuff brought from shops like jewellery, flowers or chocolates but he’s actually out some thought into it which is really nice.

However for a 50th birthday I would hope I would have something to go along with that pen. At the very least a nice notebook!

A £4.50 pen from his workplace (inc discount)

I don't think a pen is bad really, but perhaps I'm easily pleased. I think it must be a nice pen for £20 and it was thoughtful.

if my DH was getting me a pen for my 50th it would be a Mont Blanc pen - but i don't need to tell him things like this, he knows me very well. And i give him ideas constantly (he does the same).

And for all the "men are shit at gifts" on here - nope. Nope. Their willy doesn't disable their present buying ability. Their laziness and lack of thought does though. Goes also for women who are shit at presents too.

I'd shove the pen where the sun don't shine.

What a rubbish present 😭

It would be a nice gift if it were a beautiful Montblanc, Waterman or similar. With a Smythson notebook. But no, it's shit

(Especially if it had Montblanc on the label, although I'd be worried about losing it).

As previously said my late OH was hopeless with occasions presents but I once had the grab his wallet from his hand to stop him buying me a Mont Blanc simply because I'd said I'd love one, we'd only gone into the place for a coffee!

my DH bought me a mont blanc (Ballpen) for Christmas once, fully intending to get the matching fountain pen the next year, not realising they'd be discontinued. He still looks online now and again and then gets depressed at the prices.

(I still want one though)

@UserOfLotsOfDifferentNames

Oops posted too soon.

He bought it from the place he works at so he would have got a 10% discount so paid £4.50.

And he tried to make you think you were ungrateful

I actually think it’s even worse than saying he had forgotten tbh

When was your birthday? He's got to be planning something secret surely?

A surprise party with more gifts over the weekend likely at all?

The thing is OP, to give him a chance, you can direct him to Boodles or similar, but the point is, you shouldn’t have to tell him! You want him to take the initiative off his own bat.

A 50th is a massive milestone fgs. Half a century! I get it that nor all women are into diamonds but, for those who are, if you don’t receive diamonds in your 50th, then when exactly? I find this ridiculous on every level.

That's really crappy of him OP
I got nothing for my 50th from DH - not even a card. It's his 50th next year and I just know he'll expect the moon on a stick

I got really upset a couple of years ago when DH bought me the wrong size gloves (for about the fifth time) and mules, when I went out of the way to specify the actual slippers I wanted and that I needed extra large black leather gloves. He got me medium brown ones, they wouldn’t even go on my hands. He then expected me to use my time and energy to take them back!

Since then I have been extremely clear about exactly what I want. I’ve always been a bit rubbish about buying gifts myself, but have never bought the wrong size / wrong thing when he makes a specific request.

Tbh I do give less thought about his presents now, there doesn’t seem to be much point to it when he can’t be bothered to listen. He is very generous in terms of money, just doesn’t bother with getting the right thing.

I sympathise and think you are right to be seething. Though hope you get over it soon. Ask him to take you both out for an evening to make up for it!

@DerektheGoose that's really shoddy. Sorry he was a thoughtless git. I expect you would have enjoyed getting the moon on a stick for your 50th but hopefully you will respond like for like and give him sod all next year.