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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How on earth does my DP know?

333 replies

CJCC · 11/11/2021 10:49

I have several male friends, they are just friends, nothing sexual has ever happened between us and I dont see them being any different to a female friend. My DP has always had an opinion on this, he thinks men who want to be friends with a woman are just biding their time to pounce basically.
I speak to 2 of these friends regularly on fb, conversations are completely 'normal' we don't flirt etc we are genuinely just friends.

Here's the weird part, everytime I speak to one of these friends my DP always makes comment about have I been talking to my other boyfriends or making jokes about who have I been texting. He's always done this and I put it down to him just being a dick sometimes but its taken me a while to connect the fact that he always says these things when I have infact had a conversation with one of them and we dont speak daily, sometimes it's a month or 2 so it can't just be luck. It's honestly like he knows but how could he unless he'd seen the messages?

I had a convo with one yesterday and my DP came home from work and made jokes about who have I been talking to and asking if I'd been talking to my other boyfriend and he couldn't have even looked at my phone so is he just bloody psychic!?

About a year ago some man I wasn't even friends with messaged me and it went into message requests so I didn't even see it. DP had a go at me for messaging other men and I was massively confused as I hadn't even seen the message. When I saw it and figured out what he meant I asked if he'd been looking at my fb from my iPad and he denied it, but I'd had my phone with me so it was the only way he could have seen. I deleted fb from my iPad after that so the only way he could access it is my phone now.

Do you think something is going on or am I crazy??

OP posts:
TaraR2020 · 11/11/2021 10:50

I think you need to change your passwords!

UpThePodge · 11/11/2021 10:51

do you share an email address ?

Wookiewoo29 · 11/11/2021 10:52

Very strange.
Does he know your password? Could he have logged on from another device? Maybe his own phone or a device at work?
I would change your password which would then log you out on other devices that you may be logged into. (Perhaps without your knowledge)

Shedmistress · 11/11/2021 10:53

Oh dear. He has put a some spyware onto your machine.

SixQuidGames · 11/11/2021 10:53

Change your email address and passwords for the apps. Don’t choose a password that someone else can guess.

IncompleteSenten · 11/11/2021 10:54

He's spying on you.

He either logs on to your stuff or he has installed spyware on your devices.

Horriblehalloween · 11/11/2021 10:54

You can check on fb which devices are connected

blissfulllife · 11/11/2021 10:54

In settings on fb you can see if anyone's logged in on a different device. Might be worth checking

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 11/11/2021 10:54

He's either looking at your phone or has put some kind of tracking software on it to allow him access to its content. I am not very up on these things but some posters are. Do a search for somewhere local to you where you can take your phone and get it looked at.

Plus of course it's a terrible sign that he wants to invade your privacy like this. I don't like the sound of his attitude to any of it.

Clovacloud · 11/11/2021 10:54

Change your passwords and put 2 factor on all you accounts. Also change your phone passcode so he can’t get in.

SultanOfSwing · 11/11/2021 10:54

If he knows your email address and FB password he doesn’t need your phone or iPad. He can log into your account from anywhere. He’s spying on you.

Wassailer · 11/11/2021 10:56

Your boyfriend is being a dick, and probably spying on you. I’m sorry.

UpThePodge · 11/11/2021 10:57

@blissfulllife

In settings on fb you can see if anyone's logged in on a different device. Might be worth checking
how do you do that please @blissfulllife ?
Eileen101 · 11/11/2021 10:58

He's keeping tabs on you for sure - I'm not technical enough to offer suggestions as pps have.

I'd be considering whether I wanted to stay with someone who couldn't respect my privacy, has little trust in me and was so potentially controlling.
Does he have redeeming features??

LadyCatStark · 11/11/2021 10:59

He’s either logged into your Facebook or has spyware on one or more of your devices, that’s the only explanation sorry.

KurtWilde · 11/11/2021 11:02

He's seeing your messages.

Babyvenusplant · 11/11/2021 11:02

Invisible spy wear on your phone or he's logged into your Facebook somewhere. You can see what devices are logged into your facebook (pic attachted) there's also ways of finding hidden spywear on your phone depending on whether you have android or iPhone

How on earth does my DP know?
girlmom21 · 11/11/2021 11:02

He's definitely spying on you.

girlmom21 · 11/11/2021 11:03

He's probably also the stranger who messaged you - from a fake account.

LostSocksBrigade · 11/11/2021 11:03

On messenger click on your icon to get to settings, click on privacy, log ins. You'll be able to see and delete other log ins. Do that and THEN change your password.

whineybing · 11/11/2021 11:06

proprivacy.com/blog/phone-being-tracked

I quickly went through this and it gives some advice on what to do if you think he is tracking the activity on your phone (certainly seems that he is).

NotJustACigar · 11/11/2021 11:06

I had this happen to me by a former abusive partner. He had somehow got hold of all my passwords. Change your passwords including for your email so he can't get a password hint or reset or anything by email. If he still does it then he's installed spyware. Buy your problem in this relationship is much bigger than this and if he's spying on you then you almost certainly need to leave him unless he's willing to get help for his paranoia.

blissfulllife · 11/11/2021 11:08

@UpThePodge
Go to your settings
Then click passwords and security
Then where you're logged in

Hope that helps

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 11/11/2021 11:10

He’s spying. Some sort of spyware on your phone and I’d guess he knows your Paswords too.

ittakes2 · 11/11/2021 11:12

He knows your password