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Original poster

How on earth does my DP know?

333 replies

CJCC · 11/11/2021 10:49

I have several male friends, they are just friends, nothing sexual has ever happened between us and I dont see them being any different to a female friend. My DP has always had an opinion on this, he thinks men who want to be friends with a woman are just biding their time to pounce basically.
I speak to 2 of these friends regularly on fb, conversations are completely 'normal' we don't flirt etc we are genuinely just friends.

Here's the weird part, everytime I speak to one of these friends my DP always makes comment about have I been talking to my other boyfriends or making jokes about who have I been texting. He's always done this and I put it down to him just being a dick sometimes but its taken me a while to connect the fact that he always says these things when I have infact had a conversation with one of them and we dont speak daily, sometimes it's a month or 2 so it can't just be luck. It's honestly like he knows but how could he unless he'd seen the messages?

I had a convo with one yesterday and my DP came home from work and made jokes about who have I been talking to and asking if I'd been talking to my other boyfriend and he couldn't have even looked at my phone so is he just bloody psychic!?

About a year ago some man I wasn't even friends with messaged me and it went into message requests so I didn't even see it. DP had a go at me for messaging other men and I was massively confused as I hadn't even seen the message. When I saw it and figured out what he meant I asked if he'd been looking at my fb from my iPad and he denied it, but I'd had my phone with me so it was the only way he could have seen. I deleted fb from my iPad after that so the only way he could access it is my phone now.

Do you think something is going on or am I crazy??

OP posts:
PlanktonsComputerWife · 11/11/2021 11:39

Right-click on your boyfriend, add to bin.

Original poster
CJCC · 11/11/2021 11:41

@shinyhappyposter I have been thinking that but honestly it's far too much of a coincidence now. The situation yesterday, the way he says it to me I know that he knows but he won't say anything to incriminate himself he's just winding me up. I cannot stress just how much they are just mates, I've known them both 10 years+ and they are no threat to our relationship so I dont know why he constantly digs at it.

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 11/11/2021 11:42

Dump him, whether he is actually spying on you or not. Either way he is being a dick, and his attitude is plenty of reason to get rid of him.

belleissmart · 11/11/2021 11:44

he is definitely looking at your phone. My ex used to do it and couldn't help himself - he'd always make those weird jokes too. Utterly bizarre.

Iggly · 11/11/2021 11:44

You can read messenger messages via Facebook - the messenger app just makes it easier. Deleting it doesn’t stop them being accessible via Facebook.

Littlegoth · 11/11/2021 11:45

My ex husband installed spyware and keylogger software on my laptop.

He also used to go into my emails and delete ones from male friends - only found this out when we split up. Awful.

PurpleFlower1983 · 11/11/2021 11:45

Change your passwords and make sure you select to log out of all devices! He’s spying! Be prepared for backlash when he realises he’s locked out! What a twat!

Thelnebriati · 11/11/2021 11:46

OK but what are you going to do about it?
Take control of your gadgets and accounts, and reconsider this controlling relationship.

BornInAThunderstorm · 11/11/2021 11:48

Bad enough he is spying, making jokes about it means he wants you to know he is doing it which means he doesn’t think it’s wrong.

Skeumorph · 11/11/2021 11:48

He stays up later than me every night with my iPad in the room with him.

Oh OP come ON! He is a total creep.

they are no threat to our relationship so I dont know why he constantly digs at it.

Easy - because he's a controlling nasty shit. Which is also why he thinks he has the right to spy on you. He's a bad apple. Simple as that.

Check for spyware then delete him.

InTropicalTrumpsLand · 11/11/2021 11:49

A pp is right, OP. If there's a spyware, he will be able to see this thread.

diddl · 11/11/2021 11:49

@TaraR2020

I think you need to change your passwords!
Or partners?
RB68 · 11/11/2021 11:51

defo spyware. I would take it all off my phone and change all the passwords, and then factory reset the phone making sure that if its apple then that is sorted too as its possible he has access to the cloud storage etc. Keep your location stuff to off as well, although it is possible to track people with only the phone number. If he says anything particularly about if you have nothing to hide yada say no I have nothing to hide and will show you but I am not being secretly tracked and spied on - its not healthy or normal

FrangipaniBlue · 11/11/2021 11:51

I think if my DP was messaging other women 'friends' but not introducing me or keeping me separate from them, i'd start to feel a bit paranoid too.

Come again?

I have male friends who I know through my hobby and who my husband has never met because he has no interest in said hobby. Am I not allowed to message them or have discussions with them about our mutual hobby?

MrMrsJones · 11/11/2021 11:52

he thinks men who want to be friends with a woman are just biding their time to pounce basically

So I that what he is doing with his female friends, just biding his time?

You need to log out and delete the whole Facebook app from your Samsung pad.

He can still read messages via Facebook.

FoxgloveSummers · 11/11/2021 11:53

Can you ask a trusted male colleague/cousin/pal to message you and see if he mentions it? It's very tempting to get them to message something like "Hi Paul, why are you reading Leah's messages?" but not sure whether that would help!!!

FoxgloveSummers · 11/11/2021 11:55

@RB68

defo spyware. I would take it all off my phone and change all the passwords, and then factory reset the phone making sure that if its apple then that is sorted too as its possible he has access to the cloud storage etc. Keep your location stuff to off as well, although it is possible to track people with only the phone number. If he says anything particularly about if you have nothing to hide yada say no I have nothing to hide and will show you but I am not being secretly tracked and spied on - its not healthy or normal
And if you have to do all this, might as well dump him at the same time.

The question is OP, why do you put up with this? It's scary and creepy! Won't you tell him to f off?

Shallwegoforawalk · 11/11/2021 11:55

Urgh controlling spying creep.
It's a dumping offence for me.

IntermittentParps · 11/11/2021 11:55

Sounds like way too much of a coincidence.
If you don't think he will answer honestly if you ask him, change all your passwords.
Is it possible he knows how to get into your private accounts anyway, though?

Aquamarine1029 · 11/11/2021 11:56

He is definitely spying on you, and it's really not hard to do so. Don't be a fool, get rid of this creep.

TMChappyascanbe · 11/11/2021 11:58

He is clearly using your Ipad to spy on you.

Dump him and move on.

TonTonMacoute · 11/11/2021 11:59

I think you need to change your passwords!

I think you need to change your DP!

Slink01 · 11/11/2021 11:59

As a man I can tell you it is absolutely normal and OK for you to have male friends and just because a male wants to be friends with you doesn't mean that they want to have anything more than a friendship with you. I do empathise with your partner to an extent as men are naturally protective with partners (which is OK in a healthy way but I have often seen some of my male friends take it too far) I personally think your partner needs to understand that it's OK to have male friends and it not be anything more than that, just like I have more friends who are female and no desire for them to be anything more. My wife and I both had male and female friends and never had an issue with it, in fact there were a couple of friends that fancied us and it was never a problem because we trusted each other. But in summary no you are not being unreasonable at all and if your partner is actively trying to find out what you are "up to" with your male friends then that needs addressing before it develops into even more unhealthy occurrences such as arguments and stalking behaviours

StrongArm · 11/11/2021 11:59

I think you should speak to him

I was once in a relationship where I thought my partner was cheating (he was lol!) years and years ago and the suspicion drove me mad. I consider myself a totally rational human being and this really drove me to behave in a way that I look back now and realise how unhinged it was.

he almost certainly is spying on you but I think you need to get to the bottom of why he thinks he should do this and only you can make a decision then as to whether you want to continue with him or not!

Sparklfairy · 11/11/2021 11:59

Have you checked your FB activity log? It won't show him reading your messages but if he's searching profiles etc it'll come up (unless he's savvy enough to delete).

Also you can get screen watching software. You do have to install it on the device you want to watch, but then you can open it on your own device and simply watch everything they're doing on screen.