How on earth does my DP know?

[CJCC]

I have several male friends, they are just friends, nothing sexual has ever happened between us and I dont see them being any different to a female friend. My DP has always had an opinion on this, he thinks men who want to be friends with a woman are just biding their time to pounce basically.
I speak to 2 of these friends regularly on fb, conversations are completely 'normal' we don't flirt etc we are genuinely just friends.

Here's the weird part, everytime I speak to one of these friends my DP always makes comment about have I been talking to my other boyfriends or making jokes about who have I been texting. He's always done this and I put it down to him just being a dick sometimes but its taken me a while to connect the fact that he always says these things when I have infact had a conversation with one of them and we dont speak daily, sometimes it's a month or 2 so it can't just be luck. It's honestly like he knows but how could he unless he'd seen the messages?

I had a convo with one yesterday and my DP came home from work and made jokes about who have I been talking to and asking if I'd been talking to my other boyfriend and he couldn't have even looked at my phone so is he just bloody psychic!?

About a year ago some man I wasn't even friends with messaged me and it went into message requests so I didn't even see it. DP had a go at me for messaging other men and I was massively confused as I hadn't even seen the message. When I saw it and figured out what he meant I asked if he'd been looking at my fb from my iPad and he denied it, but I'd had my phone with me so it was the only way he could have seen. I deleted fb from my iPad after that so the only way he could access it is my phone now.

Do you think something is going on or am I crazy??

@CJCC you have to assume he is able to read this thread and protect yourself. I’m hoping you are able to do that now, change locks or leave the home. Go somewhere that he won’t be able to get in- your parents or a friend. But do it quickly.

OP, my ex had put keystroke tracker software on my PC, bugged the landline, and put cameras in the apartment. It was ages before I connected the dots. The things he said about stuff l had done or whom I had spoken to when he wasn’t around, made me very paranoid.
He became more and more abusive, first emotionally and psychological, then physically. In the end, I was lucky to run with my life intact.

I did use the guidance that Women’s Aid give about keeping safe online, but it wasn’t enough with everything else he was doing, too little too late.

Please, do what you must to protect yourself against this man escalating.
💐

does anyone know if it's easy to bug someone's phone to listen in on their calls? I have a friend who's convinced her husband is doing this but I wasn't sure how likely that was for an average/non CIA type person to do.

You can't be so naive to have not come to the correct assumption that he is spying on your accounts either by spyware or passwords. He is not to be trusted.
All of those things cannot be coincidental and it would totally creep me out. Its bloody awful OP, such an intrusion.

Or he sees you're online, he's jealous/suspicious, and makes an assumption to try and get you to tell him who you've been talking to. This is what my exh did. I was convinced he was in my messages but he was just monitoring when I was online and making guesses.

What ate you going to do now?

@Classica

Yes, it is not difficult at all for someone to set up spyware in order to listen to someone's calls. Just Google "how to listen to someone's cell phone conversations." There are many ways this can be done and you do not have to be a tech expert to do it. Tell your friend to get out.

[quote Aquamarine1029]@Classica

Yes, it is not difficult at all for someone to set up spyware in order to listen to someone's calls. Just Google "how to listen to someone's cell phone conversations." There are many ways this can be done and you do not have to be a tech expert to do it. Tell your friend to get out.[/quote]
Thank you!

I have been telling her to leave and I think she's close to walking. I will speak to her again.

@evilharpy

I think I'd be inclined to bait him. Agree with a male friend to send some suggestive messages and see if he calls you out on it. At least you'd know one way or another.

I don't think this is a safe suggestion. If he is stalking her his behaviours are already skewed. There's no way to know how he'd react

A couple of suggestions - do you have email alerts set up from Facebook? Maybe he's logging into your emails and seeing you've received a message. Or on your tablet, he could be downloading and deleting messenger, or he could be visiting messenger.com and viewing the page as desktop.

Either way, I'm sorry this is happening to you.

He has either put spyware on your device or knows your password and is snooping

Takes 2 seconds to put messenger back in your tablet, and then delete when finished. Down load, log off both and Facebook on the tablet and then delete. Change password.
Consider if you want to stay in a relationship where he’s reading everything you send this way.

@Bookworm20 he can be as paranoid as he likes (and from the op it doesn’t sound as if she’s being secretive) but he is spying on her which raises massive red flags .

He is definitely spying on you OP. You need to get rid of him.

As said above. My husbands messages and what’s app show up on my Mac book linked through family I cloud this can be changed through settings in iCloud.

Also - I'd be conscious if you get Mumsnet email alerts when people have posted on your threads - he may be able to find your posts like this and see you've posted this on here.

Thank you @blissfulllife

He’s staying up later than you every night with your tablet in the room with him, and he’s clearly spying on you? Until you’ve sorted everything out with passwords etc, can you lock the screen of your tablet? Or keep it in your bag in another room.

You can read messages without the messenger app. You have to set the browser to desktop version and fiddle about refreshing it but I do it all the time.

He's been reading your messages via fbook on the iPad. Log it out.

Do you have notification pop up on screen so that he’s reading your messages as they come in?

Do you have a lock on your tablet that he knows the code to?

[quote CJCC]@shinyhappyposter I have been thinking that but honestly it's far too much of a coincidence now. The situation yesterday, the way he says it to me I know that he knows but he won't say anything to incriminate himself he's just winding me up. I cannot stress just how much they are just mates, I've known them both 10 years+ and they are no threat to our relationship so I dont know why he constantly digs at it.[/quote]
He constantly digs because he is incredibly insecure. But instead of admitting he has a problem and dealing with this like a grown up, he is turning it around and making it your problem instead. You are the problem, not him…in his eyes. His behaviour would be a deal breaker for me.

It's not much different, to all the many women you hear about, who get in a big head spin, when they have male partners,who dare to talk to other women.

@1forAll74

It's not much different, to all the many women you hear about, who get in a big head spin, when they have male partners,who dare to talk to other women.

And that's why all the women on here who then encourage the jealous OP to do exactly what the OP's partner is doing here are so massively out of order.

Test him. Say something he'd need to comment on in a message and see if he brings it up. I think he's got some kind of spyware on you tbh

He’s either got spyware or more likely, he knows your login details and has logged into your account on one of his devices to keep an eye.

Either way, it’s totally fucked up.