How on earth does my DP know?

[CJCC]

I have several male friends, they are just friends, nothing sexual has ever happened between us and I dont see them being any different to a female friend. My DP has always had an opinion on this, he thinks men who want to be friends with a woman are just biding their time to pounce basically.
I speak to 2 of these friends regularly on fb, conversations are completely 'normal' we don't flirt etc we are genuinely just friends.

Here's the weird part, everytime I speak to one of these friends my DP always makes comment about have I been talking to my other boyfriends or making jokes about who have I been texting. He's always done this and I put it down to him just being a dick sometimes but its taken me a while to connect the fact that he always says these things when I have infact had a conversation with one of them and we dont speak daily, sometimes it's a month or 2 so it can't just be luck. It's honestly like he knows but how could he unless he'd seen the messages?

I had a convo with one yesterday and my DP came home from work and made jokes about who have I been talking to and asking if I'd been talking to my other boyfriend and he couldn't have even looked at my phone so is he just bloody psychic!?

About a year ago some man I wasn't even friends with messaged me and it went into message requests so I didn't even see it. DP had a go at me for messaging other men and I was massively confused as I hadn't even seen the message. When I saw it and figured out what he meant I asked if he'd been looking at my fb from my iPad and he denied it, but I'd had my phone with me so it was the only way he could have seen. I deleted fb from my iPad after that so the only way he could access it is my phone now.

Do you think something is going on or am I crazy??

Call his bluff, message a female friend telling her about you are not being satisfied in bed, and how your DP is not sufficient in that area!

Childing, but fun!

He can still download Facebook and messenger on your ipad and the ipad remembers your stored log in. I would change your password and log out of all devices. That should stop it.

He could be checking your phone at night, listening into conversations on Alexa (he can do this even if he's not home using the app), reading emails or reading your texts if he has your Apple ID. Change all of your password and sign out of Facebook, linked in etc everywhere other than your personal device. Get all devices checked for spy wear.

It's not mind games it is control and this is just the beginning. He's shown you what lengths he will go too. Probably best to end this now

but I think you need to get to the bottom of why he thinks he should do this and only you can make a decision then as to whether you want to continue with him or not!

Nope. Anyone who gets to the point of spying on their partner is not worth staying with. He's broken trust and privacy and is actively lying to her. Theres no "reason" or excuse good enough to justify it.

As pp said, red flags all over this. I would get rid of him. Then sort out the passwords etc. Also, tell people, friends and family, why you have ended the relationship, so they know the truth when tells them he has no idea why you dumped him/obviously you were cheating/whatever he comes up with to manipulate.

@Iggly

You can read messenger messages via Facebook - the messenger app just makes it easier. Deleting it doesn’t stop them being accessible via Facebook.

Yes, I was thinking exactly this. If you're still logged into FB on your tablet then all he needs to do is click the speech bubble top right to see the messages – he doesn't need the Messenger app.

@Slink01 the majority of us on this thread think he's already moved on to the stalking behaviour. That's one of the main issues here.

You don't need the messenger app to read Facebook messages, you can read them in Facebook (I don't have the app at all). The creepiest thing is that he wants you to know he knows. Mind games.

Or he's thick, of course

He’s either logging in to snoop or has installed spyware. Either way it’s unacceptable, his behaviour stinks.

Key logger spyware on your devices.

Creepy, I would challenge him why do you always asked me this when I've message my friends in Facebook, are you spying on me? Gauge his reaction.

Lol not sure why my grammar was so bad there, must be autocorrect.

He's spying on you and is controlling and jealous. He also thinks women aren't worth being friends with.
Is this a man you see a future with?

This is both scary and possibly dangerous.

He is deinfitely spying on you.

He won't believe that your friendships are friendships.

You need to make plans to leave, but now you can't do anything online in case he tracks it/has spyware.

Tread very carefully but for God's sake LEAVE.

As mentioned before, change passwords. I use something called 'Lastpass' to manage my passwords - I used to use the same one for everything because it was easier to remember, but obviously a massive risk.

We had something similar with our neighbours where it was obvious they knew more about us than we'd let on. Password change solved it all. They must have had something that they were using to camp on the wifi/listen in/whatever, I don't know.

Passwords first. Sort things with him second. Not sure I could be with someone who did this to me, so probably time to consider how you feel about him.

I'd say forget about all the tech solutions. He's spying on you. Dump him, only misery can follow.

My ex did this with a keystroke thing.

And like you I knew because of the smarmy comments. If he has done this he is probably also spying in other ways within your home. These twisted men get a thrill out of violating your privacy.

The random message was obviously him and was pathetic, mine did the same.

Could be a keylogger type thing on your phone/computer? In which case changing your password won't help. My dad did this to my mum and could read all her messages and emails .

Are you logged onto dh on your browser on your iPad? He could read your messages there, he doesn’t need the messenger app

Isn't there some app where you can receive messages from someone else's phone? I could be making that up but I'm sure it's a thing. You have to download it on to the person's phone though I think.

Of course he's spying on you. Your accounts aren't only accessible using your own device.

1. New passwords
2. New boyfriend

He seems very creepy and controlling

Just a thought.. maybe throughout the day he sees you're active on fb messenger and makes an assumption?

Or he's in your accounts.

Either is feasible.