I am SO effing sick of this house!

[bunnybopbop]

I have nothing more to give. I'm so burnt out.

Usual household. 1 year old and a husband man child. Everywhere is always a fucking mess. Toys everywhere. I polish and clean and within minutes there's chocolate stains and smears over the telly and coffee table. Toys absolutely everywhere. I've just spend ages scrubbing shit off the floor where DD had an explosion. There's mountains of rubbish where our bin gets emptied once every 14 days. I'll clean every room everyday and it's honestly like pissing in the wind. Sorry for my language I just need to rant. Piles of washing, sort that and there's a pile more by the end of the day chucked in the corner. Washing up!! My god! (Don't have a dishwasher and we rent so can't buy one/no room) I'll wash up. Make dinner and it's a shit heap again. I'll clean the bog, DH will come home and own the throne and have a bath / shave. Hair everywhere and the loo is full of lime scale. Nothing ever looks nice. Mountains of ironing to do. I work 3 days a week and the other days I'm looking after DD, attending medical appointments (recent cancer & on long term medication with complications.) How do people do it? People with more children, or bigger households?

I'm. So. Burnt. Out.
DH is a chronic snorer so I'm on 4 hours of sleep everyday because he won't get his arse into gear and sort it out. We're thankfully moving on 11th to a 3 bed. With dishwasher. I'll probably spend more time in the spare room and it'll put an even bigger wedge on our marriage. And he wonders why I have zero energy for a sex life.

I'm so done. I get zero help. I've tried and tried and it lasts 2 days and that's it. Some days im bed bound due to the medication and nothing gets done. I desperately don't want my marriage to fail. I love the bones of him and it'll be SO hard to cope with it all on my own (mostly because of my complications) I have to plan what days I take what, just so I can turn up to my 3 day a week job.

I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm just staring at the shit heap of last nights curry on the work top. The house stinks of last nights dinner and I haven't even had time to have a shower yet.

How do people do it 😭 I feel so pathetic 😭

Would I be unreasonable to get a cleaner? Surely I should be able to do this as every other family does?

I feel like such a failure :(

Yes get a cleaner, one that will do your ironing. Do online shopping and buy ready meals, whatever is easiest. You can't cope on this little sleep so lower your standards until you have a spare room and a dishwasher. I spent years tidying up and tbh it's only now kids are a bit older it's a bit better, they have SO much STUFF at that age! It's sounds like you need a bigger house with more storage and hopefully your three bed will do that for you x

If you can afford a cleaner, then start there. You want someone who will be paid a certain amount of hours do cleaning, laundry, washing-up, put-away etc, with you setting priorities each week.

For the toys - buy some boxes that stack and are not see-through; teach DD and DH that everything goes back in the box to move between games or at the end of the night. Scoop, close, gone.

Dishwasher and more space will help. We like to divide the load, so we each have less to consider. You need to give DH specific chores if he isn't helping right now. So he should become fully responsible for laundry and bins for example plus dinner and clear-away 3 specified nights a week; then every evening he checks and sorts whatever needs doing for those tasks.

I don’t have any constructive advice to give, but this isn’t a problem with you! I live alone and spend half my life cleaning, I can’t imagine how you’re managing with a baby, husband who doesn’t cleanup after himself and cancer treatment.

The fact that you’re able to manage work and hospital appointments alongside caring for your child is a huge accomplishment already!

Get a cleaner, it might not be a long term solution to everything but it’ll help in the meantime and take some of the pressure off of you.

Well in other families both adults contribute….

You may love the bones of your husband but he’s not treating you well or valuing you.

Get a cleaner. Put your husband entirely in charge of doing the laundry. Value yourself and your own time even if he doesn’t.

Yes a cleaner is a good idea. Also list out the chores and divide them up into days and DH and your responsibility.
Make sure kitchen is cleared and tidied after dinner every night as one of the daily chores, it doesn’t matter who does it but make it a non negotiable daily chore.

DD is at childminders tomorrow. I'm off on annual leave so I'm going to sort everything out. Make a cleaning rota so we can share the load and enquire for a cleaner. Its the days where I have to take medication when I struggle. Honestly it's never ending. The ONLY thing DH will do is wash up after dinner. I've tried and tried and he promises to do more but he eats dinner and falls asleep on the sofa. I'd love to do that after 4 hours sleep listening to the war of the worlds in bed all night with him snoring. This isn't a poor me post. I'm just sick of it. He keeps saying 'we both need to do more'

What more can I do!?!?

I think a cleaner is a waste of money in this situation.

• Why are you keeping rubbish inside? Ours is always collected every fortnight and we put it out.

• Eat at the table so chocolate and food can't get smeared over everything.

*Do not underestimate how much of a difference a dishwasher will make- that will sort out the kitchen issue.

• Toys- get rid of anything that's not okayed with. Get some baskets and scoop up at the end of the day so at least it's clear in the evenings.

• Once you get some sleep the sex will sort itself out as you won't be so tired. People snore, you have to work round it and you'll be able to soon when you move.

• Good luck with the move

A cleaner will solve part of the problem but you also need to think about how to stay in top of the routine tasks like laundry and washing up - establish the routine and tell your DH what it is so he can do his bit. If you have a lot of clutter then declutter or think about toy rotation so there is less stuff to deal with.

What does your DH do?

Also a cleaner will clean, they can't clean if the place is a mess.

What on Earth are you ironing?! I don’t think I’ve ironed since, well I can’t really remember, it’s been so long! Maybe an outfit for a night out, but day-to-day? No way! Limescale in the toilet doesn’t happen overnight so stop cleaning that - think that’s here to stay by now! Your husband can do his own washing surely? If not, he’ll soon learn when you stop doing it. Make one tray meals, minimal washing up. Stop cleaning every room every day, it will just become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

At the moment it is probably the worst it will be. - with a one year old you need eyes in the back of your head, you have been managing health problems and disturbed sleep. You are moving to a bigger house with a dishwasher, your child will slowly get easier, you will have a spare bed to shut out the snoring and I hope your health begins to improve.

Don’t underestimate what you do comparing yourself to others. A young child is hard work and can lead to you treading water through the day with nappies/meals/mess so that you aren’t necessarily ahead compared to a day you have been at work and not in to make mess.

Good luck in the move and your new home.

Be kind to yourself. If you use childcare for your part time work can you use a little extra each week to rest or catch a nap.

Why's chocolate smeared everywhere? My DC have only ever eaten in the highchair/at the table and then get wiped, or now wash themselves.

@bunnybopbop

DD is at childminders tomorrow. I'm off on annual leave so I'm going to sort everything out. Make a cleaning rota so we can share the load and enquire for a cleaner. Its the days where I have to take medication when I struggle. Honestly it's never ending. The ONLY thing DH will do is wash up after dinner. I've tried and tried and he promises to do more but he eats dinner and falls asleep on the sofa. I'd love to do that after 4 hours sleep listening to the war of the worlds in bed all night with him snoring. This isn't a poor me post. I'm just sick of it. He keeps saying 'we both need to do more'

What more can I do!?!?

When he falls asleep- wake him up!! Before he gets a chance to fall asleep give him some jobs to do. "DH before dinner please can you put all the toys away, take the rubbish out from all bins around the house and clean the toilet" dont give him a choice!! And if he says no, yes you love the bones of him but he's a disrespectful arse hole. Can't believe you've had cancer recently too and he's still acting like this. Get rid.

@bunnybopbop

DD is at childminders tomorrow. I'm off on annual leave so I'm going to sort everything out. Make a cleaning rota so we can share the load and enquire for a cleaner. Its the days where I have to take medication when I struggle. Honestly it's never ending. The ONLY thing DH will do is wash up after dinner. I've tried and tried and he promises to do more but he eats dinner and falls asleep on the sofa. I'd love to do that after 4 hours sleep listening to the war of the worlds in bed all night with him snoring. This isn't a poor me post. I'm just sick of it. He keeps saying 'we both need to do more'

What more can I do!?!?

He may well have sleep apnoea which is why he's tired (no excuse)

Stop cooking/cleaning/washing for him till he steps up.

After work is shared time and he needs to pull his weight.

Before you move, cull, cull and cull again (especially toys)

And when you move, ban food from anywhere but dining room or kitchen to stop toddler mess (it can be done)

Advertise for a mothers help or parents help whatever you want to call it. Hopefully you can find someone who can come round a couple of times a week and ask 'Right, whats top of the list, whether its tidying, cleaning or helping declutter before the move. Your doing great, and it is relentless

I don't iron anything except DS school shirts and he has 6 of those so I'm rarely ironing.
I have a cleaner to blitz the house and tidy / clean as we go in between their visits.
I sleep in a separate room from DH due to snoring. (I say he does, he says I do so it's a mutual decision!)
We spilt jobs pretty evenly down the middle.
We have a dishwasher.
Without any one of those things I'd be over the edge so i can understand why you're frazzled. I would work on getting those ducks in a row if I were you.

No wonder you feel burnt out. DH needs step up if he was on cancer treatment would you expect him do everything at home and childcare maybe cook odd meal? Like hell you wouldn’t you insist he puts feet up soon comes home and do extra cleaning and housework. You wouldn’t refuse get snoring help so he never sleeps well etc etc! The fact you talk about how you don’t want your marriage to end shows you feeling that it is a risk. When you are at most vulnerable you need feel supported by those care about you the most. While a cleaner may help short term if this means he’s still not helping it’s going be lonely still.

I don't know if you want my answer to 'how do people do it' given your third to last paragraph. But, in the interest of a wider range of experiences, how i did it is - I got divorced. Instant load off my shoulders.

I love the bones of him

OP to be very blunt, if he felt the same he'd be your partner and pull his weight. Not treat you like a slave.

@bunnybopbop

DD is at childminders tomorrow. I'm off on annual leave so I'm going to sort everything out. Make a cleaning rota so we can share the load and enquire for a cleaner. Its the days where I have to take medication when I struggle. Honestly it's never ending. The ONLY thing DH will do is wash up after dinner. I've tried and tried and he promises to do more but he eats dinner and falls asleep on the sofa. I'd love to do that after 4 hours sleep listening to the war of the worlds in bed all night with him snoring. This isn't a poor me post. I'm just sick of it. He keeps saying 'we both need to do more'

What more can I do!?!?

Your DH falling asleep just to rule any potential health issue out.

Is he overweight?
Work a physically demanding job?
Eat utter crap?
Snoring could mean he also isn’t getting a good nights sleep. He needs to see a GP to fix that problem ASAP.

If you don’t have one seriosuly consider getting yourself a baby cage playpen or travel cot just so you can put the baby in and do a task. Even if it’s 10 minutes you get 10 minutes to focus on that.

No, not unreasonable to get a cleaner either. I have in the past paid for someone to come deep clean my kitchen inc getting all the dishes done etc when I was so overwhelmed due to my DCs mental health and my energy plummeted. The lady was fantastic and did a great job.

Ditto getting someone to clean my oven.

@stairgates

Advertise for a mothers help or parents help whatever you want to call it. Hopefully you can find someone who can come round a couple of times a week and ask 'Right, whats top of the list, whether its tidying, cleaning or helping declutter before the move. Your doing great, and it is relentless

That's much better idea than a standard cleaner.

Fly lady system
One load of laundry a day and clothes put away
Have less toys available
Dishwasher and extra room will help alot

I have a 1 year old, and a dog and do sympathise with the constant mess.

As others have said....toy basksets, put bins out, get a washer dryer I never go to bed without ours going on, load it up and dry by morning without need to move it from one machine to the other.

Set ground rules like no food when not in the high chair

I give my husband a list of basic jobs to do while I put baby to bed.

Under sink bathroom cabinets are good for hiding crap (obv not bathroom stuff you'd want baby to get hold of)

Also about to swap out our bulky travel system pram from a stroller to save it taking up space.

You're not pathetic, sounds like you're having a tough time.

P.s I never iron anything.