I am SO effing sick of this house!

[bunnybopbop]

I have nothing more to give. I'm so burnt out.

Usual household. 1 year old and a husband man child. Everywhere is always a fucking mess. Toys everywhere. I polish and clean and within minutes there's chocolate stains and smears over the telly and coffee table. Toys absolutely everywhere. I've just spend ages scrubbing shit off the floor where DD had an explosion. There's mountains of rubbish where our bin gets emptied once every 14 days. I'll clean every room everyday and it's honestly like pissing in the wind. Sorry for my language I just need to rant. Piles of washing, sort that and there's a pile more by the end of the day chucked in the corner. Washing up!! My god! (Don't have a dishwasher and we rent so can't buy one/no room) I'll wash up. Make dinner and it's a shit heap again. I'll clean the bog, DH will come home and own the throne and have a bath / shave. Hair everywhere and the loo is full of lime scale. Nothing ever looks nice. Mountains of ironing to do. I work 3 days a week and the other days I'm looking after DD, attending medical appointments (recent cancer & on long term medication with complications.) How do people do it? People with more children, or bigger households?

I'm. So. Burnt. Out.
DH is a chronic snorer so I'm on 4 hours of sleep everyday because he won't get his arse into gear and sort it out. We're thankfully moving on 11th to a 3 bed. With dishwasher. I'll probably spend more time in the spare room and it'll put an even bigger wedge on our marriage. And he wonders why I have zero energy for a sex life.

I'm so done. I get zero help. I've tried and tried and it lasts 2 days and that's it. Some days im bed bound due to the medication and nothing gets done. I desperately don't want my marriage to fail. I love the bones of him and it'll be SO hard to cope with it all on my own (mostly because of my complications) I have to plan what days I take what, just so I can turn up to my 3 day a week job.

I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm just staring at the shit heap of last nights curry on the work top. The house stinks of last nights dinner and I haven't even had time to have a shower yet.

How do people do it 😭 I feel so pathetic 😭

You are getting no sleep and you've a 1 year old and a lazy husband - no wonder you are fed up!

Get hold of a big, boring looking box and bung most of the toys in there. It is harder to make a mess with a couple of toys. As others have said, a playpen (or maybe some gates) can help limit the amount of chaos a 1 year old can create. Put a sheet or table cloth over the top and tell the child it is their special house/cave/tent (then they will be less bothered about being shut in).

Also stop ironing! Hang things on hangars as soon as they come out of the wash and they will nearly all be crease free (and if they are creased hang them in the shower cubuicle after you have used it).

If my DH had his family over and left their dirty plates all over the kitchen I'd be livid.

Get a cleaner. Look at the other jobs and divvy them up with your dh

Tell your partner no more sex until snoring is sorted out and mean it. Sleep apnoea can cause heart attacks strokes and impotence.

Just leave it.
Go to bed when he gets in.
You will end up completely burned out.

Stop ironing.
We iron nothing, only shirts for job interviews.

Get a cleaner.

Write down everything. Single. House work job.
Put 2 columns, who currently does them and the second how you are going there split it 50/50 your 3 days a week count the same as his 5 as you are ill. Include things like dressing DD, DD nappy, DD teeth, everything. Buying food, sorting Doctirs appointments, life admin, list everything to show him. Tell him you are so exhausted doing all this you actually feel you’ll be better off on your own as he’ll have DD half the week and you’ll get a break bit cleaning his shitty toilets.

Dishwashers are a god send.
Set the spare room up as a sleep haven for you. Use it every night until he sorts his snoring. Tell him you don’t come back until he does.

We have too much stuff for sure. Too many clothes. I have too much makeup (used to collect in my early twenties. I want to go back to a make up 'bag.' Not a full bloody drawer. I've ordered a new dressing table for our new house so I can organise that.

DH has way too many clothes and shoes. He has a new shirt and trousers everyday. I can count 14 pairs of just trainers on top of the wardrobe amongst his other shoes / boots etc.

A massive declutter is going to be a huge start so we can move with only things we need. I'm 27 and in my early twenties I had to have the latest clothes / makeup / shoes. I've still got so much stuff. I'm so over it now. The waste removal service is coming this weekend booked for Saturday. I've got a time frame and I'm going to do a room a day.
I'm currently bagging up clothes to take to charity. (My clothes).

A room a day is a good start I think.

Tidy house - tidy mind.

DH needs a rocket up his bum and to help me.

@HelloTreeWindow

Stop ironing. We iron nothing, only shirts for job interviews.

Get a cleaner.

Write down everything. Single. House work job.
Put 2 columns, who currently does them and the second how you are going there split it 50/50 your 3 days a week count the same as his 5 as you are ill. Include things like dressing DD, DD nappy, DD teeth, everything. Buying food, sorting Doctirs appointments, life admin, list everything to show him. Tell him you are so exhausted doing all this you actually feel you’ll be better off on your own as he’ll have DD half the week and you’ll get a break bit cleaning his shitty toilets.

Dishwashers are a god send.
Set the spare room up as a sleep haven for you. Use it every night until he sorts his snoring. Tell him you don’t come back until he does.

Thank you. So much.

I'm going to do this tonight.

A sleep haven sounds so appealing right now!

His mental health has taken a plummet as it's hard watching your wife battle cancer and I have to take that into consideration.

But clearly not so hard that you're then motivated to try and make sure her life is easier and you are more supportive, so that she has a better chance to heal? No, fuck that! Let her carry on grinding herself into the ground so much so that she actually cries with despair. I mean, what's the alternative, me actually staying awake and helping in the evenings, or remembering to go to the docs? Yeah ha ha like fuck!'

You may 'love the bones' (bleurgh) of this waster but he certainly doesn't feel the same for you.

All these little tips aren’t the point though. The deadbeat man wouldn’t be ‘helping’, why do people still refer to a grown man functioning on a bare minimum level as ‘helping’, ffs.

Sounds like your life would be exponentially more enjoyable and easy if you ditched your pointless husband, he can parent his child and run his own hovel and you’ll be unburdened of him.

You must have loads of toys if a child’s birthday has created so much wrapping paper excess!

Get rid of as much stuff as you possibly can. The less things you have, the less tidying needs to happen. If something hasn’t got a place to be stored it needs to go.

I would stop ‘loving the bones’ of a man who was leaving plates for me to deal with. And the rest of it.

(Writing down chores, thinking about them, asking a man to do the bare minimum, it’s all still just work for OP and it’s not her job to do any of that. These misogynist parasites in society need to be extinct already, who is still producing these specimens 🤮🤮🤮)

God no, get a cleaner, do it. Maybe get signed off work for a few weeks and give yourself space and time to catch up with yourself. If you energy in that time deckutter?

Honestly, you need to sit down and chat with your DP, you said he's had a tough time but so have you, more so.

You need to tell him what you've told us and tell him how much this mental load is effecting you. Investing in a cleaner is a must at this point. I would also pay for extra child care if can so you can get some very important self care in during your week. Even if it's having a nap, a soak in the bath, a massage, facial whatever floats your boat.

Good luck @bunnybopbop

I cannot believe he had the unmitigated gall to say 'we both need to do more'!

Hello?! You are doing far too much, and he is doing far too little.

What's that article - 'She left me because I left a coffee cup beside the sink', or some such thing? Stick that to the fridge. Preferably with a flashing red light over it. . .

Your dp needs to pull his weight. The dynamics have changed now you have a child, you've realised this but he hasn't. There is no magic cure, it's all about communication, priorities and cutting out the unnecessary crap.

You are not failing....

Your husband is. You have had cancer and this is the best he can do?? Really??

Change you thinking.... Not jobs to 'help' you....

DOING HIS FAIR SHARE OF PARENTING AND HOUSE HOLD TASKS....

It's amazing how different you feel once you start thinlkng of them as tasks that need to be done.... Rather than YOUR tasks.

It took ages for my partner to realise how many tasks there were to do, until I got seriously ill with chronic illness...we'd had loads of arguments over the years.... But he HAD to step up....

Now he is much improved.

Oftren he leaves me sleeping and does early morning clear up of last night s dinner and starts preparing breakfast BEFORE I wake up.

Cnat tell you how much difference this makes!

Sounds like your DH has sleep apnea. Load snoring and always exhausted. Its a big health problem, so boot him in the arse to get that sorted.

You need more sleep, can you put a bed of some sort in with your DD until the move. Or can DH sleep on the sofa? Not getting enough sleep is going to stunt your recovery.

Rent a storage unit and declutter like mad. Things you want to keep but dont need every day go to storage. Just keep the basics and bin and donate the rest. Your friend can help with the truck and see if you have other friends that will help you sort pack and blitz the place. I know I would help any of my friends if I knew they were so upset

Write DH a list, what he has to do before he parks his bum on the sofa every night. If he doesnt do it, dont feed him or wash his laundry until he gets his arse in gear. The first thing on the list is chasing the ENT referral. If the wait for that is months and you can afford a private consultation, go private..it skips you past the waiting list and you can go back on the NHS for any treatment.

Lastly book yourself two night in a hotel this weekend and leave DH with DD at home. Go and sleep and read and sleep and eat room service and watch tv. Make sure DH knows you expect to come home to a spotless house, he can ask his family to help him!

When my son was just over one I had a bad fall and hurt my back and found housework and child care difficult especially as I had no family near by. My health visitor put me in touch with homestart who helped me with my son a few times a week taking him out to the park or playing with him at home. Also I was able to get help with housework via a council service the health visitor knew about. It’s not going to solve all your problems but maybe you can get some similar help?

Can't believe his family came for a birthday, got a takeaway and left the mess.

You can see where he gets it from.

You have literally described my life! It's fucking endless and constant. Things have got better since I started buying storage and things to organise everything into. Dishwasher will be lifesaving, I've so far got the electrics sorted for one but will probably be a year until we can have one put in!
New rules of no food anywhere other than the kitchen, no new toys out until the others are put away first. If your like me a cleaner won't help as you'll want to tidy before they even get there but pay someone to pick up the ironing once a week will save a few hours! It's all in the routine and organisation- make it become muscle memory.
And I feel for you, good luck OP

Lastly book yourself two night in a hotel this weekend and leave DH with DD at home. Go and sleep and read and sleep and eat room service and watch tv. Make sure DH knows you expect to come home to a spotless house, he can ask his family to help him!

Please do this!

Man child is just a euphemism for selfish lazy arse.

IKEA trofast storage for toys
Clothes steamer for clothes - do when needed in the morning
Load of laundry everyday
Tidy toys as you go
Never leave a room empty handed (take something that doesn’t belong into the correct room that you’re walking to anyway)

I do it by having a hands on DH, getting a cleaner in once a week, lowering my standards and not ironing.

If I turn the spin cycle down from 1400 to 1200 on my washing machine the clothes dry with hardly any wrinkles. I sometimes use the tumble dryer, but am trying to cut back on that to save money and help the environment.

I work fewer hours than DH but he still does his fair share.