I am SO effing sick of this house!

[bunnybopbop]

I have nothing more to give. I'm so burnt out.

Usual household. 1 year old and a husband man child. Everywhere is always a fucking mess. Toys everywhere. I polish and clean and within minutes there's chocolate stains and smears over the telly and coffee table. Toys absolutely everywhere. I've just spend ages scrubbing shit off the floor where DD had an explosion. There's mountains of rubbish where our bin gets emptied once every 14 days. I'll clean every room everyday and it's honestly like pissing in the wind. Sorry for my language I just need to rant. Piles of washing, sort that and there's a pile more by the end of the day chucked in the corner. Washing up!! My god! (Don't have a dishwasher and we rent so can't buy one/no room) I'll wash up. Make dinner and it's a shit heap again. I'll clean the bog, DH will come home and own the throne and have a bath / shave. Hair everywhere and the loo is full of lime scale. Nothing ever looks nice. Mountains of ironing to do. I work 3 days a week and the other days I'm looking after DD, attending medical appointments (recent cancer & on long term medication with complications.) How do people do it? People with more children, or bigger households?

I'm. So. Burnt. Out.
DH is a chronic snorer so I'm on 4 hours of sleep everyday because he won't get his arse into gear and sort it out. We're thankfully moving on 11th to a 3 bed. With dishwasher. I'll probably spend more time in the spare room and it'll put an even bigger wedge on our marriage. And he wonders why I have zero energy for a sex life.

I'm so done. I get zero help. I've tried and tried and it lasts 2 days and that's it. Some days im bed bound due to the medication and nothing gets done. I desperately don't want my marriage to fail. I love the bones of him and it'll be SO hard to cope with it all on my own (mostly because of my complications) I have to plan what days I take what, just so I can turn up to my 3 day a week job.

I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm just staring at the shit heap of last nights curry on the work top. The house stinks of last nights dinner and I haven't even had time to have a shower yet.

How do people do it 😭 I feel so pathetic 😭

All of the above, and go to a hotel for the weekend, on your OWN.

Sleep, watch tv, sleep, eat room service, sleep

Sending a hug

@Pascal80

I used to clean houses for people like you (trained in top hotels) and when I had finished cleaning the whole house and washing and ironing, I would make something lovely for dinner and put it in the oven ready for them coming home, or prep everything ready to turn the stove on.

My practical advice to you:

1. Get a cleaner - even two hours a week will help hugely if you get a whirlwind cleaner (not some moron looking at their phone). Remember to always do a tidying blitz before the cleaner comes to get clutter put away.
2. Stop ironing. UNLESS it is formal work shirts - nothing else. I iron nothing now in a house of 4. Life is too short unless you are being paid for it.
3. Tip for you to save money - don't bother buying loads of cleaning things like ''bathroom cleaner'', ''kitchen cleaner'', ''floor cleaner'' - it's all a scam and the same stuff - buy multi surface cleaner like Flash or Tesco's own, and put a bit in an old spray bottle filled with water to dilute - you can use this for everything from showers to windows and sinks and on everything except leather and wood. Add a drop of thin bleach for dirty jobs.
4. Fly clean - 10 minutes here and ten minutes there - you can make amazing progress this way.
5. You say husband does washing up - this means before bed every night, he should completely clear the decks in the kitchen for a new day and not do a half-arsed job.
6. Snoring husband - does he have a large collar size - a thick neck? Is he overweight? This will get worse as time goes by so you need your own bedroom or he needs to see the doctor. He may have apnoea and it's no good you being kept awake.

I could say loads more practically but husband needs to do more. My husband has designated jobs but operates better when given a list (a great tip for men and boys - I don't give a shit about the politics - it works). Don't be afraid - write a massive fucking list and hand it to him. He will tick things off as he does it.

Good luck.

I love your no nonsense tone! I wish I had a cleaner like you! I agree about the lists. I have found with this out too late in life. Men just don’t see what needs to be done. My OH and son are both dyspraxic. They are willing, but need a list and specific instructions. They feel so proud of themselves when they’ve done the jobs on the list. Not to my standard, but even so..

Thank you for all your replies, I've read them all and lots of food for thought

DH came home from work yesterday and I told him we need to speak. I laid out all my cards in front of him and told him just how much I do. At first he was on the defence but after a while he got the message. He cleared all the plates from the curry night. I told him Nothing needs ironing. None of my clothes get ironed anyway. I'm doing a room at a time so I can only take what's needed to the new home.

I've taken 2 more big bags of clothes / baby stuff to the woman's refuge and sorted through DDs. This is make or break for us. I'm desperately unhappy and I've told him I can and will walk away from this.

I can't keep doing this anymore. I have a relatively small op coming up and if the house is a tip I'm going to lose my rag.

He cried. Said he didn't realise how much I did (wrote down a list of just the daily things, also send him side effects of my medication)

Friends coming on Saturday to do a tip run for us. I've said he needs to give away / throw half of his clothes and shoes which he never wears.
I've done mine and DDs, it's a start. It's not perfect. But it's a start.

I'm also financially able to be on my own with DD, I said to him if things don't change in the new house, he's out. End of.

I'm not playing around this time as it's making me feel so low.
A dishwasher / garage / storage / lift / spare room will help of course. But it starts with us not having so much shit everywhere. We don't need it!!!

DD doesn't need mountains of toys.
I've ordered some baskets from IKEA, I'll start the toy rotation and play games to clean up etc. But I need his share to be done.

Thank you everyone.

This sounds a good start OP!

I would also do a computerised list of ALL the tasks... Am sure there are some online...

Then tick off what you are OK doing... Hint this needs to be less than 50% given you health.
And then TELL him he is responsible for doing his fiar share... If he doesn't want to do it... He'll have to source and pay for someone to do it..

The chart needs to be the level of: wiping inside of windows /buying new clothes for kids...remembering to buy/buying daily requirments and things like bleach /bog rolls.

And then include how frequently these tasks need to be done.

We have alerts on our phones for the rarer rhjbfs so we dibt forget... And importantly don't have to WAsTE time remembering.

Many men are happy with the once a week /month/annual tasks... my dad put the dustbins out and took the car for mot.. He HONESTLY thought this was fair... My mum did EVER Y THING else and worked full time. So 10 mins max a week... With the 2 hours spent Mot annually... ).

And really push home your ultimatum.

His behaviour towards you is unkind and pretty abusive to a sick spouse.

Well done Bunny.

Well done op!

I'd stop ironing . Hang up slightly damp stuff & creases are minimal.Yes to getting a cleaner Food shop online. Only have one crate of toys out. Others get binned if not played with in months or put away so you can rotate out with ones in crate. Every time you leave a room do a 2min sweep for coffee cups, magazines, plates, any crap lying around. Have wipes in each room so sticky fingers get cleaned straight away & make meals & snacks in the kitchen only .

Well done OP. Keep the pressure on him.

He cried?

Embarrassment? Remorse?

Well done OP. Hope the penny really has dropped.

Also if your partner is a snorer and falling asleep on the sofa I highly recommend he ask his doctor for a sleep study as he may need a CPAP machine. It’s changed my relationship massively with my partner as he’s got so much more energy now and he doesn’t snore so I get better sleep too.

@Nanny0gg

He cried?

Embarrassment? Remorse?

Well done OP. Hope the penny really has dropped.

@Nanny0gg

I'd say manipulative / crocodile tears

But I hope to be proved wrong

Well done. I hope it works out. Don't let him slip

Well done you! I really hope things get better for you

OP not sure if anyone recommended these but they were a lifesaver when ds was younger and we lived in a very small flat, his toys were a nightmare to tidy and keep track of so I bought wall hooks and used these for storage. They play with the toys on the mat and then you just close it up with a drawstring at the end of the day;

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B07QP6D659/ref=sspa_mw_detail_0?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8