I am SO effing sick of this house!

[bunnybopbop]

I have nothing more to give. I'm so burnt out.

Usual household. 1 year old and a husband man child. Everywhere is always a fucking mess. Toys everywhere. I polish and clean and within minutes there's chocolate stains and smears over the telly and coffee table. Toys absolutely everywhere. I've just spend ages scrubbing shit off the floor where DD had an explosion. There's mountains of rubbish where our bin gets emptied once every 14 days. I'll clean every room everyday and it's honestly like pissing in the wind. Sorry for my language I just need to rant. Piles of washing, sort that and there's a pile more by the end of the day chucked in the corner. Washing up!! My god! (Don't have a dishwasher and we rent so can't buy one/no room) I'll wash up. Make dinner and it's a shit heap again. I'll clean the bog, DH will come home and own the throne and have a bath / shave. Hair everywhere and the loo is full of lime scale. Nothing ever looks nice. Mountains of ironing to do. I work 3 days a week and the other days I'm looking after DD, attending medical appointments (recent cancer & on long term medication with complications.) How do people do it? People with more children, or bigger households?

I'm. So. Burnt. Out.
DH is a chronic snorer so I'm on 4 hours of sleep everyday because he won't get his arse into gear and sort it out. We're thankfully moving on 11th to a 3 bed. With dishwasher. I'll probably spend more time in the spare room and it'll put an even bigger wedge on our marriage. And he wonders why I have zero energy for a sex life.

I'm so done. I get zero help. I've tried and tried and it lasts 2 days and that's it. Some days im bed bound due to the medication and nothing gets done. I desperately don't want my marriage to fail. I love the bones of him and it'll be SO hard to cope with it all on my own (mostly because of my complications) I have to plan what days I take what, just so I can turn up to my 3 day a week job.

I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm just staring at the shit heap of last nights curry on the work top. The house stinks of last nights dinner and I haven't even had time to have a shower yet.

How do people do it 😭 I feel so pathetic 😭

@bunnybopbop

We have too much stuff for sure. Too many clothes. I have too much makeup (used to collect in my early twenties. I want to go back to a make up 'bag.' Not a full bloody drawer. I've ordered a new dressing table for our new house so I can organise that.

DH has way too many clothes and shoes. He has a new shirt and trousers everyday. I can count 14 pairs of just trainers on top of the wardrobe amongst his other shoes / boots etc.

A massive declutter is going to be a huge start so we can move with only things we need. I'm 27 and in my early twenties I had to have the latest clothes / makeup / shoes. I've still got so much stuff. I'm so over it now. The waste removal service is coming this weekend booked for Saturday. I've got a time frame and I'm going to do a room a day.
I'm currently bagging up clothes to take to charity. (My clothes).

A room a day is a good start I think.

Tidy house - tidy mind.

DH needs a rocket up his bum and to help me.

Suggest you look at Marie Kondo book. Her approach is "what do you really want to keep?" rather than "what can you get rid of?" Same outcome, but feels more positive

Once you get going, it changes your mindset and becomes far easier to let things go

more pissing in the wind, and I haven't read anything yet, but get a table-top dishwasher. I lived in a tiny flat, and balanced on on top of the washing machine (hooking into the same water in/out with y-pieces from amazon)

Just run it a often as you have to.

Shirts can be ironed by a dry cleaner, but laundry services are a mixed blessing (after one lost a week's washing for 2 weeks I stopped using it, and just bought high capacity machines)

Fuck limescale Just leave it.

Top for me is getting someone in to just wipe everything a couple of times a week. If someone is doing that, I can pretty much keep on top of everything else (single mother now.. I hate to say it, but there's a lot less washing now ex is gone...)

i cant believe are giving you decluttering and cleaning tips when your in a relationship with a selfish, lazy , snoring man child.

focus on your mental health, take time out with people who care and appreciate you. You should not have to be dealing with the shit your dealing with ontop of a cancer diagnosis and long term treatments.

Get a cleaner. Every time DH leaves skids take a photo and WhatsApp it to him. Buy a huge box to just lob toys in in the lounge don’t bother ‘tidying them away’ as such. Chuck out ones Dd doesn’t play with anymore just keep out a selection of favourites. Insist one of the bedrooms in the house is ‘yours’ to keep tidy and clean and DH can only move into it when he sorts the snoring.

Oh, and just throw it away. sweep it into a bag and chuck it in the bin.

If bin capacity is a problem then accumulate and do a dump run, or see if you can get a bigger bin.

I grew up counting every penny, so it's mad to me to throw away an ice-cream tub or whatever when it could be kept and used for a future purpose, but letting go, using stuff when it's useful, and throwing away if not has revolutionised my house (and shocked my friends - like when I turned up with a 20kg sack of rice bought by ex that we'll never get through, and proceeded to share it among my mates who would)

I think you should get a cleaner. But also - & I mean this in the nicest way - perhaps lower your expectations just a tad? And by that I mean of the mess, & your expectations of yourself?

No-one but no-one lives in a clean, tidy house all the time when they’ve got kids under 5. They are generators of chaos and you do kinda have to lower your standards a bit, otherwise you’ll just end up breaking yourself. It took me a long time to be ok with some mess & to be happy with just tackling the bigger bits - even now there’s still toys in random places & some washing up in the sink. The bathroom is really untidy because, we’ll, they’ve just had a bath & turned it into Niagra Falls. But stuff it, I need to unwind so I’m going to eat my dinner & watch a bit if tele and then go to sleep. Some things need to take a backseat.

Look after you first. The rest will follow in it’s own sweet time

AAAAND

The big box of things DP is too important to tidy himself.

Cathartic, but inflamatory (especially when it was his driving license that had been left on the dining table for weeks). Mugs, socks, anything went in there. and when it was full, I just put it on his side of the bed and started with a new box.

I don't have to live in a pigsty because he can't be bothered to help.

Hi! My solution as a mum with 1 year old, 2 year old, husband whose always at work & snores is to have a cleaner, a dishwasher, my Dh sleeps in spare room week days. I make use of my kids naps, put them to bed earlyish so can spend time with dh and get up hour before kids to get things together. I work 3 days and find work a break! All the best, hope new house gives you some solutions

what medication do you have to take OP if you don't mind sharing? (Apologies if you have said this I have missed it in the thread) - I have had cancer and have daily medication to take so can sympathise

This jumped out at me OP
The only thing I can give him credit for is with DD. He's great with her and will feed her dinner or care to her needs when he is home

He's 50% of her parents, she isn't some little extra that belongs to you that he kindly helps you out with. Being a great dad doesn't mean feeding his child occasionally.
If you were to ask Man on the Street whether "feeding their child" made a woman a "great mum" I think it unlikely that they would think this was anything other than the most basic parenting.

So you’ve had serious health issues, have to take medication that debilitates you on an ongoing basis, you have a one year old, you’re severely sleep deprived, you work outside the home and your husband’s contribution to running the household is washing up once a day and maybe chucking some washing on?

I’m not surprised you aren’t coping. I don’t think many people would.

If it were the other way round, and your husband had had cancer and ongoing health issues, do you think you’d just wash up once a day and leave him to do everything else?

@bubblesbubbles11

what medication do you have to take OP if you don't mind sharing? (Apologies if you have said this I have missed it in the thread) - I have had cancer and have daily medication to take so can sympathise

Sending you so much love. Daily meds are life saving but so exhausting.

I have to take strong antihistamines daily which make me even more tired.
Picolax every week (sometimes two,) I had huge abdo surgery to remove the cancer and I'm chronically constipated. Every laxative and enema doesn't work so picolax (what they give you to clear you before surgery,) does the trick but it floors me. A day on the loo followed by a day in bed. Pain management meds (stuck to analgesics where possible,) & blood thinning injections (this is not always though!)

It's not the be all and end all and so many people have it worse than me. It's just the bloody picolax. The side effects are brutal and they wipe me out for 2 days. I have to do that on the 2 days I have off during the week so all the washing / cleaning piles up and up and the weekend is my only then spare time.

Bloody hell OP..

Get all the help in you can afford - find an angel of a housekeeper who'll sort out the washing etc (and high capacity machines. Don't run 5kg every day when you can run 10kg at the weekends only instead)

I do care for the environment, but look after yourself. Buy more of whatever is running out that means you need to wash more - socks, babygrows, pants - just have a month's supply.

Look at what is causing you the most pain, and do a quick fix. It won't be forever, and it will be fine.

OP thanks for the medication details.
I do not have to take picolax (I have to take something different - and mine was / is breast cancer) but what I can say is I 110% believe you about the brutal side effects.
On a personal level for me it feels lonely because you can describe the side effects to people but unless they have experienced it they never really understand what it is like. sending you

Why do you love this man? You are falling apart in front of him and he still isn't helping. He is completely selfish. He'd rather you were sleep deprived and worn out and crying than he takes responsibility for his own home or snoring.

The side effects are brutal and they wipe me out for 2 days. I have to do that on the 2 days I have off during the week so all the washing / cleaning piles up and up and the weekend is my only then spare time You shouldnt have to be doing this

where is this lovely husband in here? getting praise for feeding his DC and cleaning a few dishes. I am stil horrified at his lack of inout, support for you as his partner nevermind you recovering from cancer.

You are so far from pathetic it's unreal. You're a fucking superhero
I'd be questioning DH more than asking for help. You don't need his help, you need him to do his share. It's as simple as that.

"DH, if you won't do your share when we have a one year old and I have cancer, when do you feel the right time for you to start contributing appropriately will be?"
"DH, look me in the eye, tell me you love me and want our marriage to work, then please explain why you think its important that I carry out the majority of the domestic labour?"

Make the fucker squirm.

He keeps saying 'we both need to do more'

Fucking hell.

NO.

You are chronically ill.

HE needs to do more.

Please please get a cleaner, if nothing else.

sounds like the problem is your husband.

Large boot, arse, hard. Repeat as often as necessary.

A d yea, it IS hard for the partner of someone who’s chronically ill but he needs to take ownership of that and sort himself counselling and antidepressants if necessary.

He needs to take care of himself properly AND he needs to take care of you and DC properly.

My goodness!

You do all that plus a job, plus recovering from cancer surgery, plus that medication and you still love that man? Why?

I never usually say this, but show him this thread. Then move into your new home with just your DD.

He's awful.

My heart goes out to you, I have chronic illness and it’s hard to manage some days, but I don’t have children at home flown the next years ago, to not have much sleep is hard enough on it’s own but with health probs too and loads of mess is so hard to deal with , I’d get a cleaner, but I would expect my Dh to help, with the workload, I feel you are not being supported

@otterlybonkers yes yes yes! I mean clearly you’re howling into the void on this thread and any of the dozens like it, but you are very, very right!

Honestly lovely, the best advice I could give you would be to throw your lazy arse husband out of the house - you’d find your life much easier! With everything that you are going through, I can believe how little he’s doing to help you!

A little tip for the rubbish - if your council are utter arseholes about collecting rubbish, put some in carrier bags (non identifiable rubbish) and dump it it the street bins. Ordinarily I wouldn’t advocate this but needs must. You could also try asking your council for additional recycling bins and a bigger general waste bin - you might meet their criteria since you have a baby in nappies still.