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AIBU?

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Original poster

Rich mums taking all the second hand stuff first

622 replies

Housepartyatjustinshouse · 09/11/2021 17:28

In a local mums group with lots of lovely mums.
We often post if we have toys/clothes to give free, that the children have grown out of.
Just recently I’m noticing more and more that when toys/clothes are posted, the same few mums get it there first.
They are mums that don’t work (don’t need to) and live in million pound houses and clearly don’t need to worry.
It just seems a little unfair that I and the more *Average mums seem to lose out, when they could buy a lot easier than we could?
I’m in a two bed flat and missed out (again) in a huge selection of toys my Ds would go crazy for. I can’t afford to buy them new and it would’ve really helped at Christmas.
Is this fair? 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 10/11/2021 12:31

ExConstance
I think you're right and part of it is probably perceptions, and attitudes within the circles you mix.
We aren't wealthy, but are comfortable and tend to buy a lot second hand. It doesn't bother me and I'd rather buy nicer things second hand than lots of new stuff. DC have hand me downs, we pass them on and it's entirely normal in my circle of friends to do that. These are all families who could afford to buy new, but choose not to because children's clothing and toys are used for such a short window.

As a child we didn't have much money, parents prioritised living in a nicer area (though one that wasn't very affluent) and I felt judged at school when lots of my friends had brand new everything. On reflection there was probably a lot there about the parents wanting to make sure they looked the part.

I have some relatives now who have brand new everything for the kids, branded tracksuits, lots of pretty girl outfits, new toys and that's the norm for their circles. They seem surprised that when I was pregnant I bought things from nearly new sales, whereas having migrated into lower middle class suburbia now nobody seems to bat an eye lid at my DC in hand me downs.

Classica · 10/11/2021 12:32

@dreamstate, my point stands. why buy steak if spam can keep your body going?

Classica · 10/11/2021 12:34

it's okay to buy things because they bring you pleasure (shocking I know!). it doesn't mean the money has been wasted.

Glassofshloer · 10/11/2021 12:39

[quote Classica]@dreamstate, my point stands. why buy steak if spam can keep your body going?[/quote]
⬆️

Dreamstate · 10/11/2021 12:39

[quote Classica]@dreamstate, my point stands. why buy steak if spam can keep your body going?[/quote]
Because we are talking about in a restaurant and if using your example of steak they wouldn't exactly be selling spam would they

BoredZelda · 10/11/2021 12:40

why buy steak if spam can keep your body going?

Because steak has a far higher nutritional value.

Glassofshloer · 10/11/2021 12:40

@Dreamstate but why go to a restaurant?

BoredZelda · 10/11/2021 12:40

it's okay to buy things because they bring you pleasure

Unless that happens to be a glass of water.

Classica · 10/11/2021 12:41

Swap spam for another cheaper ingredient or accept your post is illogical.

Glassofshloer · 10/11/2021 12:41

@BoredZelda

it's okay to buy things because they bring you pleasure

Unless that happens to be a glass of water.

If a glass of tap water brings you pleasure I suggest you raise your standards.
Dreamstate · 10/11/2021 12:42

@Classica

it's okay to buy things because they bring you pleasure (shocking I know!). it doesn't mean the money has been wasted.
Ah right so thats okay then but if people choose to have tap water because you know that's what choice allows you to do why get so sneery and call them cheapskates. You enjoy alcohol. I dont nor do I like sugary drinks. My choice is water and I like how tap water tastes over mineral water.

Now what still a cheapskate for choosing to drink something I like?

Classica · 10/11/2021 12:42

@BoredZelda

why buy steak if spam can keep your body going?

Because steak has a far higher nutritional value.

Okay, sardines then. More micronutrients than steak and much cheaper.
Classica · 10/11/2021 12:43

Ah right so thats okay then but if people choose to have tap water because you know that's what choice allows you to do why get so sneery and call them cheapskates. You enjoy alcohol. I dont nor do I like sugary drinks. My choice is water and I like how tap water tastes over mineral water.

I didn't sneer at anyone.

HTH.

Glassofshloer · 10/11/2021 12:44

@Dreamstate I do not believe that on your wedding day you raised a toast of tap water.

Glassofshloer · 10/11/2021 12:46

@Classica ‘I’ll have a tin of sardines and a tap water please. Oh don’t worry I know you don’t serve sardines I brought my own tin. But I will be paying for a small salad on the side’

BoredZelda · 10/11/2021 12:48

If a glass of tap water brings you pleasure I suggest you raise your standards.

If you need to spend money to have things that bring you pleasure, I suggest you raise yours.

Original poster
Housepartyatjustinshouse · 10/11/2021 12:49

Omg 🙈this thread has gone off the rails

OP posts:
Glassofshloer · 10/11/2021 12:49

@BoredZelda

If a glass of tap water brings you pleasure I suggest you raise your standards.

If you need to spend money to have things that bring you pleasure, I suggest you raise yours.

Tell that to the poster who spent a million on a house 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m not the big spender here am I?
BoredZelda · 10/11/2021 12:50

Okay, sardines then. More micronutrients than steak and much cheaper.

Haven’t yet seen sardines on a restaurant menu.

wanttomarryamillionaire · 10/11/2021 12:50

We have a similar thing here. Im on a few local sites where people give away stuff they no longer need and it's always the same handful of people who comment first no matter what the item is that's being given away. Its got so bad that the admin on one site commented that it would be nice if other people got the chance! I deliberately ignore these people when i give things away on fb.

Classica · 10/11/2021 12:51

@BoredZelda

Okay, sardines then. More micronutrients than steak and much cheaper.

Haven’t yet seen sardines on a restaurant menu.

You should visit Lisbon. Beautiful city.
BoredZelda · 10/11/2021 12:51

Tell that to the poster who spent a million on a house 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m not the big spender here am I?

But you don’t consider something as cheap as a glass of water can bring someone pleasure. So, yeah, maybe re-adjust your priorities.

BoredZelda · 10/11/2021 12:51

You should visit Lisbon. Beautiful city.

I really shouldn’t.

Glassofshloer · 10/11/2021 12:52

@BoredZelda

Tell that to the poster who spent a million on a house 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m not the big spender here am I?

But you don’t consider something as cheap as a glass of water can bring someone pleasure. So, yeah, maybe re-adjust your priorities.

Haha!! Ok I’ll calm down and have a nice glass of tap water 😉 maybe I’ll cover myself in decadence and add a drop of squash…
Dreamstate · 10/11/2021 12:52

[quote Glassofshloer]@Dreamstate I do not believe that on your wedding day you raised a toast of tap water.[/quote]
Well who said I was married? And why would I raise a glass of alcohol when I dont drink it? Not everyone drinks!

And I'm of a different faith where weddings are different to the traditional Christian wedding and reception party.

Talk about making assumptions about people but not surprising since your happy to judge and laugh at others.