Rich mums taking all the second hand stuff first

[Housepartyatjustinshouse]

In a local mums group with lots of lovely mums.
We often post if we have toys/clothes to give free, that the children have grown out of.
Just recently I’m noticing more and more that when toys/clothes are posted, the same few mums get it there first.
They are mums that don’t work (don’t need to) and live in million pound houses and clearly don’t need to worry.
It just seems a little unfair that I and the more *Average mums seem to lose out, when they could buy a lot easier than we could?
I’m in a two bed flat and missed out (again) in a huge selection of toys my Ds would go crazy for. I can’t afford to buy them new and it would’ve really helped at Christmas.
Is this fair? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@JennyDune, if you are incredibly wealthy, then yes, I think you have an obligation to be charitable whenever the opportunity arises. If that was me, I’d be dropping the books at a school or charity shop in an area where perhaps people are struggling more.

[quote GarlandsinGreece]@JennyDune, if you are incredibly wealthy, then yes, I think you have an obligation to be charitable whenever the opportunity arises. If that was me, I’d be dropping the books at a school or charity shop in an area where perhaps people are struggling more.[/quote]
Lol, £30 is £30. Its a free takeaway and then some. Doesnt matter if you're doing okay financially or not.

(Tbh, unless you have a £2m+ house fully paid off and enough investments to retire, I dont think you are really considered wealthy)

Of course it matters if you’re in a certain demographic. I don’t know about your financial situation, but I believe we were talking about very wealthy individuals who do this sort of thing.

I have a couple of friends, high earners and yet they buy second hand uniform and clothes for their children. They won't wear secondhand themselves though, so for them it's nothing to do with saving the planet!

@Housepartyatjustinshouse

Omg 🙈this thread has gone off the rails

Right? Tbf when someone comes out with the most ridiculous take of "Tap water is disgusting and robbing restaurants of profit" I think the thread is already beyond gone 😂

I think yabu, you cant really stop the mums getting involved even if you deem them to wealthy to be a part of it. Toys are not essentials so it's not like food is being given out and rich people are taking it first. Charity shops have lots of second hand toys as does facebook marketplace. We are a low income family and Sometimes Ive had to accept we cant buy the children that much. Tbh they dont need an abundance of toys anyway, stuff like lego which they can use over and over again or a train track is what my kids have and they have to come up with new ways of using it. Its just part of life that some have more than others but it doesn't necessarily make their kids happier.

Oh come on, if you already have a shit load of stuff, how are you being environmental. Its greed pure and simple. YANU but dont kid yourself as nothing will change. Try posting that you could do with A or B if anyone has, can they please contact you but don't hold your breath.

@Thatsthewaytis

Maybe they are thinking of the climate and not buying toys new so they want them for that reason not money?

Its this, I hope.

This thread is ridiculous!

Some people are kind enough to give stuff away. Stop moaning. No one owes your their free stuff.

I have always passed books on to others, never sold them. Must have missed a trick there because we buy a lot of books, but I like to share a book that I have enjoyed. Probably comes from always going to a library as a child I think books should be read by others. I always gave my children’s clothes, and mine, away as well. Why would you ask someone for money for something you no longer want, if you know they are already struggling. Help them out.

@wertheppl

I'm actually wanting to post some stuff on my local group too but so far haven't for this very reason.

I want it to go to someone who wouldn't so easily afford to go out and buy these things. I'm thinking of maybe taking them to a local charity that helps families that are struggling least i know it's not gone to someone who just wants a freebie but afford new.

@wertheppl

You could donate to social work, or womens aid, or your local child & family centre

@wertheppl
when I've given stuff away on freecylce just sift through replies and choose who I want to give them to.

@PeriChristmas

This thread is ridiculous!

Some people are kind enough to give stuff away. Stop moaning. No one owes your their free stuff.

100%

That’s why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer

@Glassofshloer

Oh jeez, so now we have to change what we drink when we are out lest be judged by stingy? I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t like drinking fizzy drinks with a meal. I have a glass of water with a meal when I’m out.

"You don’t have to but I will judge, yes."

Yes but here I am judging you for being profligate in a very silly way (buying extra drinks you don't want in case the restauranteur is offended), judgmental and patently ridiculous! Completely agree with previous posters that there's no moral imperative to buy drinks you don't want at a restaurant.

So presumably all the judgment cancels out and @JennyDune goes unjudged.

This is why some local groups have a fairness rule, you’re not supposed to give to first person but leave your advert up for 24 hours then use a random number generator to fairly choose.

@Glassofshloer. I drink water with a meal, if I have a drink with it. Soft drinks are sweet and affect the taste.

Books I no longer need to the charity shop. I've donated furniture to a charity and they collected them

If I put things on freegle or freecycle, it's usually because I want to get rid of it.

YABU. I went to a charity shop today to drop off a large bag of clothing and bought a large number of books for just over £10 for our baby. I probably could afford to buy them brand new but this way, I save money and the charity makes money. As it was such a large number I gave the charity a £5 donation. Should I be criticised as well?

I have to say I love all these assumptions about wealthy people. Reverse snobbery in full swing here today. I Especially love the comments that assume people can afford million pound houses BECAUSE they buy children’s toys second hand off Facebook and shop in Aldi!!
If these people were splashing out on brand new toys for little Tarquin and Georgina from Harrods every 5 minutes and dressing them daily in Lacoste baby gros which would be thrown out after 5 wears, there would be another thread bemoaning how wasteful and greedy and grotesque they were and how the rich were to blame for all the waste, over production and landfill in the world…. And how they should be buying second hand ‘like us hardworking normal folk do’

yeah, it's shitty and greedy

@Whatamess582

I have to say I love all these assumptions about wealthy people. Reverse snobbery in full swing here today. I Especially love the comments that assume people can afford million pound houses BECAUSE they buy children’s toys second hand off Facebook and shop in Aldi!! If these people were splashing out on brand new toys for little Tarquin and Georgina from Harrods every 5 minutes and dressing them daily in Lacoste baby gros which would be thrown out after 5 wears, there would be another thread bemoaning how wasteful and greedy and grotesque they were and how the rich were to blame for all the waste, over production and landfill in the world…. And how they should be buying second hand ‘like us hardworking normal folk do’

To be fair, that £1 million house poster did seem proud of being 'frugal' in a lot of areas - her word. So perhaps she did shop at Aldi etc. for 15 years while saving money for a house. Not that there's anything wrong with being careful with money and choosing your priorities of what to spend on, if you're lucky enough to be able to afford that.

I sympathise OP, and I think the suggestion of asking the group if anyone has X toys, size X clothing or whatever is a good idea. Hopefully one of the mums will pass on to you next.

We're high earners and I like to buy stuff secondhand (or in the

The second hand uniform shops have been very popular at the three schools my kids have attended. I'd far rather pay £20-30 for a second hand blazer than £100 plus new, and the school gets a cut of the profit. For me, it's a waste of money when they grow out of them so quickly.

We also buy stuff on FB marketplace - typically gym equipment or garden tools rather than toys or clothes, but I haven't felt I'm depriving someone more in need. Usually the seller is pleased to get rid of them.

We also give things away on Freecycle and buy from/donate to charity shops. My mum works at our local charity shop and they have so much stock and limited storage that they are relieved when people buy things from them.

I understand that perhaps nabbing free things first may be harsh on those more in need.

(Or in the sales)

Rich people can be very stingy.... or perhaps they would say 'careful'. Helps keep them rich!!

Yanbu
It’s also true about sure start. The outreach workers did get to the vulnerable families in our area but the free groups were heavily populated by NCT groups and families who didn’t need free provision. Sadly this meant fewer vulnerable families attended.