Rich mums taking all the second hand stuff first

[Housepartyatjustinshouse]

In a local mums group with lots of lovely mums.
We often post if we have toys/clothes to give free, that the children have grown out of.
Just recently I’m noticing more and more that when toys/clothes are posted, the same few mums get it there first.
They are mums that don’t work (don’t need to) and live in million pound houses and clearly don’t need to worry.
It just seems a little unfair that I and the more *Average mums seem to lose out, when they could buy a lot easier than we could?
I’m in a two bed flat and missed out (again) in a huge selection of toys my Ds would go crazy for. I can’t afford to buy them new and it would’ve really helped at Christmas.
Is this fair? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nobody, I just went for an angle 🤷🏼‍♀️ to make a point. What do you drink at special occasions? Literally just tap water?

I'd say 80% of my kids clothes and toys are second hand. Not because we can't afford it, but because I don't want to add to the huge pile of plastic and perfectly useable stuff in landfill.

I buy most of it, in bundles etc but some is free. I generally pass it on if it's still usable after my 2 kids. Almost always for free.

@BoredZelda

You should visit Lisbon. Beautiful city.

I really shouldn’t.

Travel might lift your spirits.

How did this go from free toys to tap water and sardines? Lol

@Glassofshloer

Nobody, I just went for an angle 🤷🏼‍♀️ to make a point. What do you drink at special occasions? Literally just tap water?

Yeah I do. And?

If I don't drink alcohol and don't like sugary drinks and water is the only choice than yes. If the place offered herbal tea then I would pick that, otherwise thats all I drink.

Your problem with that is what exactly?

Should I be forced to drink something I sont like?

@greensnail

We have one group locally which has the policy to leave your items up for a bit longer if you're not in a rush to get rid of them. The giver them chooses someone who requests the item, a lot of people choose randomly, but we are free to choose according to whatever criteria we want. It definitely feels a lot fairer and gives more people the opportunity to get items that are being given away.

This seems great. Maybe you could suggest such an approach for your group?

I don't think it's fair to be angry at the richer mums: everyone should be trying to use second hand where possible, not just poorer people. But it would be reasonable to ask for sellers to leave it 24 hours then pick at random, so people working or away from their phones have a chance to see the message.

@chayago

How did this go from free toys to tap water and sardines? Lol

PP was saying how she saved for her £1million house by only ordering tap water in restaurants.

I said this was tight and miserly and deprived small business owners of profits.

@Dreamstate enjoy your water, let’s leave it there.

[quote Glassofshloer]@Dreamstate enjoy your water, let’s leave it there.[/quote]
Hahaha seriously you can't answer my question why is that huh cos you don't have an answer because you know you canr say well you have to drink alcohol or sugary drinks

Lol enjoy spemding your time judging people in restaurants drinking tap water, meanwhile us tap water drinkers will continue to enjoy our time in restaurants with the company we came with and not caring about what other people are drinking or being cheapskates over.

Ignoring all the tap water debate (), this is mostly why I drop off all of the stuff I'm giving away at the local DV charity shop which is surrounded by quite a poor area rather than the fancier charity shops closer to me.

@CheshireChat

Ignoring all the tap water debate (), this is mostly why I drop off all of the stuff I'm giving away at the local DV charity shop which is surrounded by quite a poor area rather than the fancier charity shops closer to me.

Same but I use food banks instead as local ones take clothing and toys. I also don’t use the ‘leave charity bags outside your door’ service after I saw students pinching them at night. It’s so sad but it seems nobody has the foresight to think beyond their navel any more. For the poor the reason why Second hand clothes and toys are viewed negatively is because rich people leave them with the dregs; so if they want something nice they have no choice but to buy new. It’s digusting but there is very little that can be done about it while buying second is fashionable.

I didn't think of food banks actually, thanks.

There's definitely a type of rich person who assumes anything they deem to give away is amazing and the poor person on the receiving end should be on their knees with gratitude. Regardless of the condition it's in .

For the poor the reason why Second hand clothes and toys are viewed negatively is because rich people leave them with the dregs;

I grew up poor in a very underprivileged area and don't think this is true at all.

It has much more to do with pride, a wish to present your dc as well as possible and perhaps a fear of judgement if your dc are seen to be scruffy or without.

@verymiddleaged

For the poor the reason why Second hand clothes and toys are viewed negatively is because rich people leave them with the dregs;

I grew up poor in a very underprivileged area and don't think this is true at all.

It has much more to do with pride, a wish to present your dc as well as possible and perhaps a fear of judgement if your dc are seen to be scruffy or without.

Because the 2nd hand stuff in the shops is shit as rich people tend to sell anything even remotely good and only hand over the horrendous stuff. And in the case where they don’t behave this way charities usually earmark the good stuff to sell at close to market prices (eg Oxfam with designer clothes & collectable books).

People on low incomes have been reluctant to use second hand stuff for many decades.

When I was growing up it wasn't about the quality of the stuff, which was often being offered for free. It was about the social stigma of having second hand stuff. Kids were as focused on this as adults.

And working as social worker in the north of England as an adult nothing had changed attitude wise. Families would go into debt to get their kids new stuff even if we could source decent secondhand stuff. It mattered that they could do this for their dc.

Ironically my dc attend a private school with absolutely rammed second hand uniform sales, nobody cares if your stuff is new or secondhand. Because the social shame isn't there either way.

Also, you often have no warranty on second hand stuff or a short one which is fine if you can afford to take the risk, but if you're on a low income that's just not feasible.

@verymiddleaged

People on low incomes have been reluctant to use second hand stuff for many decades.

When I was growing up it wasn't about the quality of the stuff, which was often being offered for free. It was about the social stigma of having second hand stuff. Kids were as focused on this as adults.

And working as social worker in the north of England as an adult nothing had changed attitude wise. Families would go into debt to get their kids new stuff even if we could source decent secondhand stuff. It mattered that they could do this for their dc.

Ironically my dc attend a private school with absolutely rammed second hand uniform sales, nobody cares if your stuff is new or secondhand. Because the social shame isn't there either way.

That’s very true.

Head nodding about second hand stuff being acceptable in richer households.

I come from a more affluent background than my DH and I notice he is the one who is always keen that DS has new uniform etc, whereas I like a bargain.

I give away most of DSs clothes etc rather than eBaying them primarily because of the hassle. I was delighted the other day in town to see my friends DS with DS old Hollister sweatshirt .

Sadly DS has turned into a clothing snob and refuses to wear hand me downs or second hand.

I agree with social stigma on second hand stuff

Or local private school has second hand, hand me down text books, uniforms sales etc but state schools don’t. I’ve never understood why the state schools don’t do this?

Sadly DS has turned into a clothing snob and refuses to wear hand me downs or second hand.

My DS is a bit like this but my DD is exactly the opposite - the big "thing" in her friendship group is the Kilo Sales, which are basically just big second hand clothes sales where you pay per kg. Last time she went it was £5 for the ticket (which I paid for) and then I think the clothes were £15 per kilo. She bought four casual tops and a cotton dress and it cost her about £17.

There's another one happening this weekend and there are lots of girls going. We do live in a comfortably well off area though and there is zero stigma to second hand.

I grew up in a middle class, fairly well off family in the 1980/90s. Second hand was seen as really shameful by my mum...it was for very poor people. Her friends husband was made redundant and they were skint...my mum donated a jumper to our local charity shop and one day saw her friend wearing it. I remember hearing her whispering about it to my dad and telling me I must never tell a living soul. In those days, budget shops were seen as embarrassing too. My mum's friend was a single parent and would shop in kwiksave...it was seen as so embarrassing. Now people think nothing of shopping in places like lidl/Aldi and buying second hand stuff.

Everyone is equally entitled I’m afraid.
However you could try contacting the wealthy mum who took these toys and just be honest with her maybe and say “look I’m struggling a little at the moment, these would really make my sons Christmas and I can’t afford it etc”. If you asked me I would give you all the toys with a pleasure and hope it would make your child happy.
But you may not be completely comfortable saying that which is also understandable.
I can afford a lot but I do buy second hand and I also sell all baby stuff too. It’s better for environment and it’s good to see your toys are going to make someone else happy

Because the 2nd hand stuff in the shops is shit as rich people tend to sell anything even remotely good and only hand over the horrendous stuff.

I think what a lot of people probably do is donate the plain stuff they are not attached to and then keep the nice bits/favourites, then these go through a few siblings/cousins until they are too scruffy to be donated.

Yes this 100%. I used to work for SureStart.