Rich mums taking all the second hand stuff first

[Housepartyatjustinshouse]

In a local mums group with lots of lovely mums.
We often post if we have toys/clothes to give free, that the children have grown out of.
Just recently I’m noticing more and more that when toys/clothes are posted, the same few mums get it there first.
They are mums that don’t work (don’t need to) and live in million pound houses and clearly don’t need to worry.
It just seems a little unfair that I and the more *Average mums seem to lose out, when they could buy a lot easier than we could?
I’m in a two bed flat and missed out (again) in a huge selection of toys my Ds would go crazy for. I can’t afford to buy them new and it would’ve really helped at Christmas.
Is this fair? 🤷🏻‍♀️

*Get in there first

I think YABU. You’re no more entitled than anyone else to this stuff. If you want these people to donate things specifically to you, you’ll have to ask them to consider you first by putting a message in the group and saying what you’re after. If not, it’s perfectly reasonable to be offering things for free on a first come first served basis. This isn’t about you, life is unfair and you don’t know their personal financial situations.

I’ve noticed this too, and I know a few of the “rich” ones personally. Their DCs massive playrooms and bedrooms are rammed with stuff from the group, and I know a few of the low income ones too, who barely get in there first. It does piss me off, tbh.

No it's not fair and it's frustrating. They are clearly the selfish type who don't consider there is a world outside their perfect 'paid for' bubble. I'd have a word with a few of the mums in the same position as yourself and set up a different group.

Maybe they are thinking of the climate and not buying toys new so they want them for that reason not money?

Not really. It’s kind of a first come first served situation surely. I expect it’s also the richer mums giving stuff away. I accept second hand stuff for my kids whenever offered because I think it’s more eco friendly than buying things new. I would never think I’m too rich to accept second hand things and I should leave them for someone poorer. But when I’m finished with stuff I do tend to give it away or to charity rather than putting things for sale online.

I know mums like this too...the ones I've seen revel in their environmentally friendly credentials by doing this.

This is why a lot of Sure Start centres were shut. Their 'reach' was to the yummy mummies who wanted their children to have every experience, etc., when they were trying to get to the hard to reach families.

Why not get in there first and say if anyone is getting rid of anything soon could they please keep you in mind as you'd really appreciate it and always miss the posts!

Sure Starts closed because of lack of government funding, not because of yummy mummies hogging the services . In my part of UK you had to fall within an area defined as deprived to be entitled to SS, it wasn't a free for all.

OP as hard as it is, it's first come first served. If you bought the stuff maybe a mother is a worse off situation would have made a similar thread about you.

I haven't experienced this type of group tbh but agree that a lot of rich people sell things on Facebook etc.

I always remember picking up an item that would've cost £15 new from Facebook marketplace; she was selling for a fiver. She lived in a mansion with a Bentley in the forecourt. I have to admit handing over my fiver with my eyebrows somewhere in my hairline.

Everyone should be embracing second hand. Whatever their income level. We are not on the breadline, I am more than happy to choose second hand where possible and most of my wardrobe is from charity shops.

It's like those threads about charity shops where people bemoan the prices because they should be cheap "for the poor people".

Also agree on the Sure Start centres, when DS was small I used to take him to an art / play session at a Sure Start centre which was brilliant, but it was wall to wall middle class mums - the whole idea of the session was to support the development of children from deprived backgrounds but those parents wouldn't be seen dead at a craft session at Sure Start.

@Lougle

This is why a lot of Sure Start centres were shut. Their 'reach' was to the yummy mummies who wanted their children to have every experience, etc., when they were trying to get to the hard to reach families.

No it’s not. The Tories decided putting children - especially poor children - first was not one of their priorities.

I can't decide whether YABU

Those mums are being a bit in inconsiderate to take things first and I can see why it's annoying but you also have no entitlement to them.

I generally can’t get in there first as I work, they’re at home and comment on the posts straightaway.
A lot of it is for environmental reasons, which I get, but when lots of us that genuinely can’t afford many toys get left until the end, it’s hard

Yes, I know I and the others don’t have any entitlement to them, it just seems a bit 🙄

Rich people generally keep their wealth by being savvy with their money.

It’s unfortunate but they are doing the right thing getting second hand stuff. It’s unfair to say they’re not leaving it for the poorer mums as they shouldn’t be doing this to then go buy brand new versions of likely wasteful plastic stuff for their children.

Personally I would think of other people. Lots of free things are posted in our local Facebook group and it is not often I want anything but it always occurs to me perhaps these are aimed at those more in need. Not that we are massively well off but we can afford to buy the things we need.

It is annoying others don't think this way but then them not commenting doesn't mean someone more "in need" gets the item.

I think just see it as something that doesn't concern you unless you happen to comment first. It's not like they are taking something of yours.

PPs suggestion of asking for the things you want might help you get in first.

OP, you are being unreasonable. Would you really want someone in your group to be thinking ‘Shoutout to the WOHMs whose houses are worth under £300 - free stuff because you’re poor!’?

It’s probably true yes. I scour charity shops for bargains but I don’t actually NEED to buy second-hand clothes. People I know with less money seem to find second-hand things “dirty”.

We have one group locally which has the policy to leave your items up for a bit longer if you're not in a rush to get rid of them. The giver them chooses someone who requests the item, a lot of people choose randomly, but we are free to choose according to whatever criteria we want. It definitely feels a lot fairer and gives more people the opportunity to get items that are being given away.

We have offered several things free on Gumtree - not because we're trying to be charitable, but because we need to clear a space, and can't be arsed with people faffing and negotiating on price when something was a tenner in the first place. Just last weekend we put on an old painted chest of drawers, free to whoever would collect, and someone arrived within a couple of hours to collect it.

I think you are wrong to assume that people are offering things free of charge in the hope they will go to lower income families. And how would you police that anyway - bank statements as proof of income on collection?

Its frustrating but not sure how you would get round it or police it, unless you posted on an fb site asking for particular items that you know your DC would love eg lego/sylvanian families etc (I've seen people searching for particular things as well as people selling)

I feel frustrated about parents evening slots. I don't work at a computer or have my phone on me all the time when working. Sometimes by the time I log on to get a slot there aren't any left! (Not even suitably timed ones but none at all )