Rich mums taking all the second hand stuff first

[Housepartyatjustinshouse]

In a local mums group with lots of lovely mums.
We often post if we have toys/clothes to give free, that the children have grown out of.
Just recently I’m noticing more and more that when toys/clothes are posted, the same few mums get it there first.
They are mums that don’t work (don’t need to) and live in million pound houses and clearly don’t need to worry.
It just seems a little unfair that I and the more *Average mums seem to lose out, when they could buy a lot easier than we could?
I’m in a two bed flat and missed out (again) in a huge selection of toys my Ds would go crazy for. I can’t afford to buy them new and it would’ve really helped at Christmas.
Is this fair? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ps. Not saying all rich people are arseholes! Just some are, and they’re attitude often explains how they’ve accumulated such wealth (probably screwed lots of people over on their climb up the greasy pole!).

@Thatsthewaytis, the fact that the OP is financially challenged and would appreciate some of these facebook bargains does not mean she cannot provide adequately for her child. You tried to give her a little kick with your barbed words.

I'm sorry you feel the need to resort to such tactics but no matter your age it's never too late to work on your character. Best of luck.

Our local group usually says either first come first served or if popular a draw. Gives everyone a fairer chance!

@Classica

you didn't answer my question, *@MattHancocksSexTape*

not sure if you've heard of this thing called 'inherited wealth'. pretty big in the UK. you should look it up...

Ah ok. So inherited wealth is the only way to make money is it?

Perhaps you should research how the hierarchical levels of employment offer increasing levels of remuneration, it might be an eye opener for you.

People offering things for free aren’t doing it to help those who need it most and don’t run a vetting process. They do this to get rid and avoid trip to dump/listing on eBay because they haven’t got batteries.

In terms of who gets these - is there an alternative proposition you have other than first come first served? If there are concrete ideas - like nobody can have a freebie more than X times to the value of Y - perhaps suggest it and see how people react? It would be impossible to enact or police, for starters.

Well OP I am sure you will put me in the bracket of someone who's shouldn't get cheap stuff although I do work very hard for my money. However if there is a particular toy my kid wants I will absolutely try and get it second hand on those sites if I can for environmental reasons. And I sell stuff although I don't need the money because the money goes to the child whose toy or clothes it was to allow them to spend it on something else. Sorry if you aren't happy about that but tough

@TractorAndHeadphones
Oh, no I didn’t mean to imply there is anything wrong with selling- but I like to give the odd thing away for free because I got some things for free when I was in need and it made a big difference to me, and it’s always nice when you can do that for someone else. If I had more money I’d do it more often.

Ah ok. So inherited wealth is the only way to make money is it?

Obviously not but it's a big factor in the UK. Surely everyone knows that? Your initial post implied that rich people are all there through hard work. We know that to be false.

That's all!

And incidentally I don't see why people should be forced to only post at a particular time - that's just ridiculous. I post when it's convenient for me

On our local Facebook baby and child free group, someone was outed for always being the first to ask for the items. Seems they wanted anything and everything. The admin, my lovely neighbour, kindly reminded us all that if we've received items lately then please let others have a turn. It wasn't hard to work out who the few people were that always wanted the items, plus they never returned the favour by offering anything. I felt for mums offering bags of certain age clothes for free when people would ask for individual photos etc. People started to get fussy 🤣

Make a complaint to the group admin and see what they say. Approach it by saying it’s the same Stay at Home Mums (mention names) getting stuff & their policy seems to discriminate against working mums who won’t be able to see posts until after work. See if they can make posts approval only - so the admin then approves them in the evening.

Just remember you do not know what happens behind closed door. I know a lady who would have been seen as rich, amazing car, beautiful home, designer clothes. Her husband was extremely abusive, controlled all finance and never gave her money for the children's clothes, toys etc. Her designer clothes and car made him look good along with the beautiful decorated toyroom that he kept locked unless they had guest. She went through hell for a number of years as he had eroded all her self worth and confidence.

OP can you just message and say you are after XYZ and unfortunately can't access them because by the time you've finished work they're all gone. Perhaps next time they can message you first to see if you want them before it goes on the main message board?

Would that be feasible at all?

@Haffiana

I LOVE a rich-bashing thread! It's the only bit of bigotry we can get away with now!

So bloody true!!

Trouble is that if you go by need, you also get a bit of an xfactor style sob story Olympics.

There's a free site I'm on and there's two or three that always are popping up with "oh my children's go to a not-for-profit group for child carers who can't afford to buy anything and they'd love to use this" type reply. I don't know the third, but one sold everything straight on on the fb marketplace until they were caught out and banned from the group and the other does not have children of the right age to attend the groups they're claiming to be collecting for.
I'd rather they were honest and just said "yes please."

@Buttonsluna

Ps. Not saying all rich people are arseholes! Just some are, and they’re attitude often explains how they’ve accumulated such wealth (probably screwed lots of people over on their climb up the greasy pole!).

You actually climb up the greasy pole faster by trading favours rather than screwing people over! I earn a decent amount and have to admit I can be stingy but that reflects my own attitude. For example ,I knock off early if there's no work but have been in up till stupid o clock when something broke down. I pay my cleaners well (don't go for the cheapest) and the ones that go the extra mile I have no problem with letting them leave early. The jobsworths get treated in kind.

@WingingItSince1973, good for that group admin. If someone, whether they're rich, poor or middling, is always the first to call dibs on any item I can see why they'd wear out the group's patience eventually.

Just to add...could there be a possible limitation on the number of times each person can collect say in a month (depending on frequency of new donations)

How do you know that these people are all rich rather than being savvy? For example I'm a sahm. I saved up for years before having kids. I saved and got onto the property ladder early. We renovated every flat that we owned in order to maximize profit and put in our time every evening and weekend. We don't spend money drinking, we mostly holiday camping in this country and we own one rather old battered car. We have a nice house, which we renovated, but by shopping about have been very savvy (buying off cuts etc). I could have gone out to work instead and just paid someone to look after the kids and do all the work. There is always lots of stuff at car boot sales, in charity shops and on eBay. You could always be proactive and ask people if they have any certain toys that they wish to sell to you on local forums. Life isn't always fair, but not everything is always as it seems.

Do they really live in million pound houses, or is that just an assumption? If you don’t know, then please don’t automatically think because they are SAHM’s they are wealthy. Quite often it’s because they can’t command a salary that offsets the child care fees.

[quote Classica]@Thatsthewaytis, the fact that the OP is financially challenged and would appreciate some of these facebook bargains does not mean she cannot provide adequately for her child. You tried to give her a little kick with your barbed words.

I'm sorry you feel the need to resort to such tactics but no matter your age it's never too late to work on your character. Best of luck.[/quote]
The op said herself about struggling to get winter clothes for her child. If you’re struggling to clothe your child through bad weather that indicates an inability to adequately provide to me. Very tough for the op no doubt but not the job of other mothers to fix when they’re just being eco conscious as we’ve all been told to be.

However it’s a free forum here. You can assume about me whatever you like. Best of luck.

Do you have a partner who you see more regularly than a few mins late at night? Thats probably how they have money by their partner working all the hours and every day except for a week in February when they all go skiing. I’d be watching those freebies like a hawk if I were you

@Housepartyatjustinshouse I'm sorry you're upset by this.

What is it that you're looking for for your DC and maybe someone (maybe me) can help?

Mmm... you can't tell how much disposable income they have, they might have big mortgage to pay, lots of bills etc

@Haffiana

I LOVE a rich-bashing thread! It's the only bit of bigotry we can get away with now!

Rich and SAHMs

It's a winner.