AIBU to ask why ppl make fatphobic comments?

[Claralaura]

While out for coffee with a good (slim) friend who I love dearly, she made a nasty comment about an overweight couple sitting next to us who were enjoying some cake. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry that makes me sick, they are killing themselves". I pointed put to her that the people she was so disgusted by weren't that much larger than me, so why would she say that? She got a bit flustered and then gave various "but you carry it well" "you're tall" "you're not even that fat" I wasn't even particularly hurt just found it interesting that she would think that would be an OK thing to say especially to someone who is fat.

I am 35 and I am fat, (about 3 stone overweight(, I have 2 kids a lovely husband and a happy life. I enjoy running but also enjoy my food would I like to be slimmer? absolutely! but I am pretty happy the way I am. 10 years ago I was very slim but drank to excess smoked and was very unfit and unhealthy and I am 100% happier now than I was then.
But it got me thinking about similar comments over the years, slimmer friends who put on 3lbs complaining to me about how disgustingly fat they looked.

So I suppose my question is.... if you are one of those people who say these things why do you say them? No judgement just interested to hear the other side of the coin

It doesn't excuse her behaviour (which is obviously unacceptable) but I'd wager it stems from her own insecurity. I would never say something like that but I do notice people who are overweight and feel uncomfortable about it. That's due to my own issues around my body weight/image and struggles with disordered eating. It's not anyone else's problem and I would never put someone down due to my own issues; your friend should learn to do the same. We don't know what people are going through in their lives and frankly it's not our place to judge. It might be that your friend is struggling and this is her way of making herself feel better.

Everyone on MN lives off salads that last for millenia. It's the most fataphobic place I've encountered. This will go down well.

Bet she wouldnt have said it to their faces tho

Unfortunately when you're fat you're an easy target for others comments. People will say something and then if you challenge them they were 'only joking'

The media and television don't help either

She's probably quite insecure and maybe it makes her feel better to put others down

The next time she says something ask her why she's that bothered, or suggest she goes up to them and makes her feelings known

MN isn't the place to discuss weight. It always ends in a fight.

I had a comment from a friend about another friend that was overweight apparently 'she's costing the NHS thousands', this was from someone who smoked 40 a day and drank a bottle of red wine a night.
I told her she was a hypocrite
She really couldn't see it

I think its the last acceptable prejudice.

I used to be very very obese, and am now slim. It is really quite shocking to me to hear the things people say about other's weight.

Recently at a social for the parents at my DC's class the seemingly nice mums ripped into one of the teachers at the school who is obese and also helps to supervise an activity that involves the children walking / running in the playground. Just no need for it. And it went on and on. Mocking her, laughing etc

This is someone who is obviously a brilliant teacher, the children just adore her and yet what they want to focus on is her weight,

I was tempted to ask, would you have talked about me this way when i was 300lbs.

@Mercurial123 be interesting to see others opinions tho

I assume most slim people think fat people are repulsive. If they don't say it out loud they are probably thinking it.

I would honestly like to know why people feel its acceptable to come up to me and say something nasty in my face.

Self-propelling in my manual chair through town a few years back, someone walking past me hissed 'you eat too much you fat bitch' in my face.

I have had people walk up and spit at me, and say things like 'fat bitch' or 'fat pig' etc.

Why, does it make them feel better about themselves? DO they think they need to tell me in case I hadn't noticed?

It was a nasty comment and totally unnecessary.

People only say it about strangers. I'm larger than I used to be and don't really pay attention to nasty people. People who know me don't judge me for my weight.
I'm sure your friend has some flaws that she wouldn't like strangers to comment on.

Favourite ever come back

"but they can lose weight if they want to, you can't change your face or your disgusting attitude"

Works every time

It boggles my mind how people can make assumptions about a person’s health based on the way they look. I find it incredibly ignorant, and hope it’s just a mask for their (unacceptable) deep rooted hatred of fat people.

I love that you were able to approach her comment with detached curiosity rather than getting caught up in it yourself.
It really says much more about her, than it does about you, the other couple or anyone else.

I’ve endured a lot of skinny insults and put downs over the years, so I don’t think it’s anything to do with weight per se. I think it’s about othering, a lack of empathy and an inability to accept that it’s ok for people to be different.

It makes them feel superior

I think her comment was a bit extreme. Saying that someone's fat is one thing - although still unnecessary - but saying them eating cake makes her sick is absurd.

Do you mean why did she say it out loud to you? Or why does she think that at all?
If the former, I guess she didn't see it as being such an awful comment to make - many people will judge others on appearances and comment on it.
If the latter - well, that's what she thinks.

People have to be very fat before I give it any thought, but we do have a neighbour who is just too obese to stand for more than perhaps a couple of minutes or walk for more than 100 yards. I suppose it’s the self-harm element that is saddening and perhaps rather revolting like witnessing someone physically injuring herself.
In other cases there can be an element of class hatred in people’s remarks about overweight strangers.

@Playingoutinthedark

Everyone on MN lives off salads that last for millenia. It's the most fataphobic place I've encountered. This will go down well.

Don't be so greedy - half a salad. Leaf.

What your friend said in the cafe was awful. “But it got me thinking about similar comments over the years, slimmer friends who put on 3lbs complaining to me about how disgustingly fat they looked.”

Everyone on MN lives off salads that last for millenia. It's the most fataphobic place I've encountered. This will go down well.

🤣🤣🤣

No one will honestly answer you here, about why they make remarks about fat people

I'm slim and find it easy to not comment on others weight. Purely because mine has and is still commented on now (skinny)

A family member of mine is morbidly obese and constantly goes on about how fat some people are and how it makes them feel sick to see "fat" people shovelling food down their throats.
To me it's a massive insecurity, especially on their part.

Sorry should've made the insecurity comment a bit less vague.

What I was trying to say is that they clearly have an issue with food and to make themselves feel better they'll comment on other peoples sizes.
Does your friend have an issue with food?

Greed is unpleasant. When people comment negatively on fatness they’re really commenting on greed and lack of self control.