AIBU to ask why ppl make fatphobic comments?

[Claralaura]

While out for coffee with a good (slim) friend who I love dearly, she made a nasty comment about an overweight couple sitting next to us who were enjoying some cake. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry that makes me sick, they are killing themselves". I pointed put to her that the people she was so disgusted by weren't that much larger than me, so why would she say that? She got a bit flustered and then gave various "but you carry it well" "you're tall" "you're not even that fat" I wasn't even particularly hurt just found it interesting that she would think that would be an OK thing to say especially to someone who is fat.

I am 35 and I am fat, (about 3 stone overweight(, I have 2 kids a lovely husband and a happy life. I enjoy running but also enjoy my food would I like to be slimmer? absolutely! but I am pretty happy the way I am. 10 years ago I was very slim but drank to excess smoked and was very unfit and unhealthy and I am 100% happier now than I was then.
But it got me thinking about similar comments over the years, slimmer friends who put on 3lbs complaining to me about how disgustingly fat they looked.

So I suppose my question is.... if you are one of those people who say these things why do you say them? No judgement just interested to hear the other side of the coin

Social class is another factor in all of this.

A much higher percentage of people from lower class backgrounds are overweight and obese. That is just a fact.

It's really, really not as simple as saying "if they took a walk every day and ate healthily they wouldn't be fat". That might be true, but it requires people to have access to the right information, and the mental and physical resources to make those decisions.

Some of this stuff is very deeply ingrained and it is simply wrong to judge people on such a surface level.

'have the opinion that years from now, commenting negatively about a person's appearance, including weight, will be viewed with the same horror that some of those seventies sitcoms are now when displaying racism or sexism'

No. People will always judge obese people. And seriously wtf comparing it to racism and sexism

Todays society is based around attractiveness and all forms of media reinforce the fact that to be fat is deemed to to be unattractive and unpleasant.
This is why young girls want to be a size 0 by the age of 12.

It is what we have been subliminally taught and hence why people judge fat people. It will never change.

I'm overweight and I know slim people who comment on peoples extra weight and honestly it's bitching for bitching sake and they can get away with it . It seems to be that us overweight folk are fair game nobody seems to care about our feelings

It's something that botheres me to an extent, although I would never say anything out loud or to anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I think it's unhealthy especially when you see for example, an ad on TV with a big model in lingerie. It promotes an unhealthy image. Just my personal opinion. I do notice it and it makes me feel uneasy but I would never say it out loud to anyone or hurt anyone's feelings

Your friend making a comment about other people is just rude and unkind, and it’s not at all comparable to slimmer friends who complain about putting on a little weight.

I’m a slim person that has complained about putting on a few pounds, but only when friends have started the conversation by complaining about their own weight and I’ve joined in. I find it very unfair that I’m supposed to listen to friends complain about their weight that they do little to control, but if I want to have a similar complaint then I’m considered insensitive, even though I make the effort to watch my weight.

It’s an inconvenient, unpleasant thing for anyone to put on weight when they don’t want to, and it’s normal for friends to make little complaints to each other in conversation. If overweight people can complain when they put on weight, so can everyone else.

@JaniieJones

'have the opinion that years from now, commenting negatively about a person's appearance, including weight, will be viewed with the same horror that some of those seventies sitcoms are now when displaying racism or sexism'

No. People will always judge obese people. And seriously wtf comparing it to racism and sexism

It is no more acceptable to judge someone for their body size than it is for their sex or their skin colour.

They are not particularly different and they come from a similar place.

@JaniieJones

Why shouldn't discriminating against someone for their size be compared to racism and sexism?

‘Greed is unpleasant. When people comment negatively on fatness they’re really commenting on greed and lack of self control.’

I disagree. When people are commenting they’re thinking ‘at least I’m not like THAT’ and feeling a little bit better about themselves, regardless of what else is going on in their lives. They get to feel
superior for a few moments.
I’m my experience it’s people who are really insecure who are like this. Bitching about someone else makes them feel better, but not for long, because that kind of poison seeps back into you.
The truth is many of us will become overweight, as we age - illness, injury, mental health,
Chronic disease, mobility issues - can affect anyone as the years go on - so try to be kind now and not judge.

A person can lose weight. Even though Michael Jackson had a bloody good go at it, you cannot stop being black.

'Why shouldn't discriminating against someone for their size be compared to racism and sexism'

You can't change your race, you can change your weight. Who is being discriminated against anyway?

Having a negative opnion about unhealthy habits is ok, many people look down their nose on smokers too.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

But it doesn't imply that you simply must have an opinion about someone else's body.

This is very much like men who, for some reason, just need everyone to know whether they find a certain woman attractive or not for whatever reason. You don't have to stress about that person over there and what they're doing.

@Noavocado

Todays society is based around attractiveness and all forms of media reinforce the fact that to be fat is deemed to to be unattractive and unpleasant. This is why young girls want to be a size 0 by the age of 12.

It is what we have been subliminally taught and hence why people judge fat people. It will never change.

Yet there are numerous people with obesity who have attractive, rich and successful partners. I have a friend who is very overweight and is a very high earner and married to a gorgeous multimillionaire. The hatred towards her and pure jealousy I've witnessed from other women is unbelievable.

I think being fat is a flaw. But we all have many flaws and there’s rarely a need to point them out. Because you can see fatness it feels more like public knowledge rather than a personality trait (which I think it is) and therefore less bitchy to discuss it.

@JaniieJones

'Why shouldn't discriminating against someone for their size be compared to racism and sexism'

You can't change your race, you can change your weight. Who is being discriminated against anyway?

Having a negative opnion about unhealthy habits is ok, many people look down their nose on smokers too.

But you can’t know for sure if someone is overweight because of unhealthy habits or because of a health condition or medication.

I think the reason people think it's ok to judge is the same as it would be for alcoholics - that at some point there was a choice and for whatever reason at that point (and many others) poor choices were made. No one can choose the colour of their skin or if they're gay in that way.

I must admit to finding hugely overweight people incredibly frustrating at times (although I have over weight friends and would never say anything that wasn't supportive). But when I see them eating huge portions of food and drinking big bottles of fizzy drinks and then complaining about their weight as if they have no control over it I find it very frustrating.

I think people judge people who are severely overweight, in the same way they would judge a smoker.
It suggests either a lack of self control/laziness or a disregard for their health.
Yes there might be a few people who have a medical condition which has a negative impact on their weight, but for most people that's not the case.
I myself have an under-active thyroid, but take my medication and eat a balanced diet and exercise so that I maintain a healthy weight.
I won't necessarily judge an adult who's overweight as that's their choice, although I will judge an adult who's complains about being overweight yet won't make the changes needed to lose weight.
I do however judge people who allow their young children to become overweight. I find it really sad seeing the amount of obese children as my child's school.

I think "fatphobia" is a ridiculous term. No one is scared of people with excess fat. It's just rudeness.

The thing is people say “no one would dare insult a fat person” when people say someone has made a comment about them being too slim but that just isn’t true, my mum got into an argument with some man outside who was being rude to her, I came over to defend her and he called me a fat bitch! Fat seems to make you an easy target it’s all people comment on when they want to insult you

I find one of the few advantages of being very overweight is that it really brings out the judgmental arseholes. So much easier to identify them and cut them out of your life.

I myself have an under-active thyroid, but take my medication and eat a balanced diet and exercise so that I maintain a healthy weight.

I also have an underactive thyroid. I take my medication, eat a healthy diet, exercise and am overweight. Not obese, but overweight. So there you go.

@RobertaFirmino I’m not at all one for defending pedophiles, but MJ had a skin disorder (vitiligo) which had absolutely nothing to do with him “trying to be white” and indeed that comment itself is incredibly ignorant at best, racist at worst. No black person with vitiligo is trying to be white and it actually causes severe distress and identity issues in those that suffer from it. Have a biscuit

People ARE fearful of people who carry excess fat - it IS a fear based reaction.

They are terrified it could be them - they're not aware of it but they're scared.

Everyone on MN lives off salads that last for millenia.

The defensive 'all MNers are competitive eaters' comments are just as hugely unrepresentative as the 'All MNers only drink a thimble of sherry once a year' comments.

There are competitive undereaters and healthy diet obsessives on here, but they're surely a tiny minority compared with the huge number of MNers either desperate to lose weight or merrily continuing to eat normally or unhealthily.

Yes they are fearful of it and repulsed by it.