AIBU to ask why ppl make fatphobic comments?

[Claralaura]

While out for coffee with a good (slim) friend who I love dearly, she made a nasty comment about an overweight couple sitting next to us who were enjoying some cake. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry that makes me sick, they are killing themselves". I pointed put to her that the people she was so disgusted by weren't that much larger than me, so why would she say that? She got a bit flustered and then gave various "but you carry it well" "you're tall" "you're not even that fat" I wasn't even particularly hurt just found it interesting that she would think that would be an OK thing to say especially to someone who is fat.

I am 35 and I am fat, (about 3 stone overweight(, I have 2 kids a lovely husband and a happy life. I enjoy running but also enjoy my food would I like to be slimmer? absolutely! but I am pretty happy the way I am. 10 years ago I was very slim but drank to excess smoked and was very unfit and unhealthy and I am 100% happier now than I was then.
But it got me thinking about similar comments over the years, slimmer friends who put on 3lbs complaining to me about how disgustingly fat they looked.

So I suppose my question is.... if you are one of those people who say these things why do you say them? No judgement just interested to hear the other side of the coin

So if a person is fat, I assume they’re lazy and eat junk food to excess

That's just ignorance. You don't need to eat any junk food to get fat. You can get fat eating home-cooked food. And there are plenty of fat people who do quite a lot of exercise. Just overeating a bit (or eating too much of the things that put weight on you - again, not necessarily junk food) year upon year is enough to make someone fat. Exercise on its own has little effect on weight, unless you're doing properly heroic amounts of it.

how do you know if someone has a thyroid or other health condition? Do you ask them before or after passing judgement?

This. You can’t see a thyroid condition or any other invisible illness? I have a connective tissue disease that didn’t get diagnosed until my late teens. I went from a normal active teen to one day not being able to get out of bed to go to the toilet without crying in pain. I put on three stone in three months because I couldn’t move my body properly. I wasn’t being greedy, I wasn’t binging, I just wasn’t moving.

I’m medicated now and so I’m able to go to the gym, I’m a healthy weight and look fit. But if you saw me now compared to back then the only difference you’d notice is that I was fat. You couldn’t see that I was sick.

A lot of the replies are basically confirming exactly that though. I’ve 80% of stomach cut out in the quest to be slim, the world is a shit place when you’re fat.

@Udouhun i get you and trust me if I could wave a magic wand and be slim I would too but I've spent too long hating my body and yoyoing between really restrictive dieting and binge eating my whole life. A practice which has messed up both my relationship with food and my metabolism.
But now I focus on the good my body did, growing and birthing 2 babies, feeding them both for a year, being able to play with them every day, it helped me to travel all around the world and go on hiking trips and swim in the sea. My body is so much more than the number on the scale, I don't care too much if people don't like my size 16 body now. It's been really great to me and I'm lucky to have it.

Some people like myself are just naturally slim . Not all slim people are obsessed with diets , starving themselves , over exercising , social media or concerned at how big others are, thats the least of my worries, l have no interest in any of that.
I have had plenty of negative comments directed at me over the years regarding my weight, but if you have a healthy self esteem, you just shake them off. Unfortunately we live in a very shallow world re physical appearance, l think the best thing we can do as parents is lead by a healthy example and strenghten our childrens/ teens resilience by encouraging them to approve themselves, not seek it from others.

'My body is so much more than the number on the scale, I don't care too much if people don't like my size 16 body now'

I wouldn't even consider you fat though, many women are a curvy 14 - 16 and look fit and well on it. It is when you get past size 18 and into the 20s that people really start looking very unhealthy.

@Moonface123 very well said.

I also try not to comment on other people's bodies (negatively or positively) in front of my kids because even if we all ate the exactly same thing and exercised the same amount we'd still all have different body shapes.
I don't take being called fat as an insult anymore, it's just a descriptor like tall or blonde but it does annoy me when people assume to know other people's health based on what they look like.

@JaniieJones trust me I'm fat, and I'm fine with it. You cannot tell by looking at a size 10 girl what her health is like (she could have a very serious underlying condition) and similarly you cannot tell the health of a size 18 girl just by looking at her my mum walked the camino at that size. She's 65 never been ill and fitter than most women her age. The only thing a person's weight tells you is their weight.

I would never make a judgement on weight but I disagree with the healthy comment. Of course a size 10 person will have a reduced chance of heart disease, diabetes and highblood pressure. That is a medical fact.
Size 18 is unhealthy. Plus a bigger person's joints will wear much faster.

"This kind of ignorance is both astonishing and utterly vile. What an unpleasant and uneducated person you are"

She's giving her honest answer to the OPs question, not sure it warrants that response.

I disagree @Noavocado. You could have looked at my mum and dad and said that she was "unhealthy" at a size 18 and he was healthy because he was slim but sadly for us slim does not equal health my dad had arthritis (bad joints all his life) and died of ALS at 60.
My mam has never once spent a night in hospital, hikes every weekend and goes on walking holidays with friends. The only health complaint she has had in her 65 years is an underactive thyroid which I inherited (thanks mum).

You might "think" someone is unhealthy because of how they look but it doesn't make it true.

It's funny that only fat people "shovel food down their throats." I have never seen that refer to a slim person.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

So simple but so ignored.

'My mam has never once spent a night in hospital, hikes every weekend and goes on walking holidays with friends. '

Yes it's a bit like people who say their nan smokes 50 woodbines a day and has never been ill 🙄.

Statistically smokers, heavy drinkers and overeaters are at much much higher risk of a myriad of diseases.

@hangrylady

"This kind of ignorance is both astonishing and utterly vile. What an unpleasant and uneducated person you are"

She's giving her honest answer to the OPs question, not sure it warrants that response.

It absolutely warrants the response received. If people can't be bothered to educate themselves and spout absolute rubbish then that's what they should expect.

Well seems like some of the MNs here can get together and solve the obesity crisis in one fell swoop perhaps? According to lots of posters here, overweight people just need to stop being lazy fat gluttons who binge on junk food and need to get a grip.
Bosh. Modern obesity solve - take a bow people.

@JaniieJones

'Why shouldn't discriminating against someone for their size be compared to racism and sexism'

You can't change your race, you can change your weight. Who is being discriminated against anyway?

Having a negative opnion about unhealthy habits is ok, many people look down their nose on smokers too.

The fact that weight is changeable doesn't mean that it is therefore OK to discriminate or judge a person based on their body size.

People can be overweight for a number of different reasons and overeating can be one of them.

But the point is you can't tell by looking at a stranger what their health is like..... they could look like Gigi Hadid but maybe they smoke 20 fags a day and suffer really badly with mental health issues. Maybe they are a size 18 and have a thyroid issue but no other health complaints. Maybe they are a size 24 and have an eating disorder after years of fatphobic comments.... noone knows what other people's lives/ health are like just by looking at them so in my humble opinion the best thing to do is just stop commenting on people's bodies and just be kind.

You might "think" someone is unhealthy because of how they look but it doesn't make it true.

Being very overweight is bad for your health. That doesn't mean that everyone who is very overweight will die young or be very ill. Same as smoking and drinking too much alcohol- there are some people who carry on doing these things for many decades. Doesn't mean smoking and excessive drinking aren't unhealthy.

@JaniieJones

'Why shouldn't discriminating against someone for their size be compared to racism and sexism'

You can't change your race, you can change your weight. Who is being discriminated against anyway?

Having a negative opnion about unhealthy habits is ok, many people look down their nose on smokers too.

@JaniieJones So if someone was able to change their skin colour, would it then be OK to discriminate or judge people based on it?

So if I was X race but could choose to be Y race, it would be OK for people to make negative or discriminatory comments to me about that?

These things come from very similar places and it is all discrimination.

@lazylinguist Being overweight can absolutely be bad for your health but you cannot tell just by looking at someone what their health is like and honestly I don't know why you'd want to guess what a strangers health is like based purely on how they look?
When I see a thin girl in a cafe just order a black coffee I don't assume that she has an eating disorder or maybe a recovering alcoholic... she is just living her life and so am I. It's none of my business (unless she's fat then it's everyone's business apparently )

@Noavocado I would never make a judgement on weight but I disagree with the healthy comment. Of course a size 10 person will have a reduced chance of heart disease, diabetes and highblood pressure. That is a medical fact. Size 18 is unhealthy. Plus a bigger person's joints will wear much faster

It's actually not a medical fact. It's called the Obesity Paradox, where people who are overweight and obese seem to live longer than those of normal/under weight and a lot has been written about it. Risk for diabetes higher, but all cause mortality lower. So, it may be being a size 18 is a better way to enter old age than size 10...we simply don't know.

www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnut.2020.00053/full

@OnwardsAndSideways1 that's very interesting.

@Crossfitwidow

I assume most slim people think fat people are repulsive. If they don't say it out loud they are probably thinking it.

Not a lot of us are like that! Sorry you feel this way though 😕

I appreciate this may sounds really mean and horrible but I cannot help my thoughts and how I feel about it and I'm just being fully honest

@stereeotype Actually, you can help your thoughts.

It's called personal development and growth.

You can acknowledge that you have a negative thought pattern around overweight people which is irrational and unfair, and you can work to change that.

@Siameasy

Honest answer? I really dislike obesity. It looks absolutely repulsive and obese people look extremely uncomfortable just moving around. I would hate to be like that. I wouldn’t say anything but I would definitely think it. I know that some people are obese as a result of illness, injury, medication or disability. I’m aware that could happen to me. Nonetheless this is how I feel. The increasing amount of morbidly obese clothing models has probably had the opposite effect to what was intended. It has put me off of obesity even more. A relative of mine is morbidly obese and in denial completely-like most addicts of course. He will die prematurely due to his addiction. The drug of choice in his case is totally legal; sugar.

I find YOU repulsive