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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask why ppl make fatphobic comments?

434 replies

Claralaura · 09/11/2021 14:30

While out for coffee with a good (slim) friend who I love dearly, she made a nasty comment about an overweight couple sitting next to us who were enjoying some cake. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry that makes me sick, they are killing themselves". I pointed put to her that the people she was so disgusted by weren't that much larger than me, so why would she say that? She got a bit flustered and then gave various "but you carry it well" "you're tall" "you're not even that fat" I wasn't even particularly hurt just found it interesting that she would think that would be an OK thing to say especially to someone who is fat.

I am 35 and I am fat, (about 3 stone overweight(, I have 2 kids a lovely husband and a happy life. I enjoy running but also enjoy my food would I like to be slimmer? absolutely! but I am pretty happy the way I am. 10 years ago I was very slim but drank to excess smoked and was very unfit and unhealthy and I am 100% happier now than I was then.
But it got me thinking about similar comments over the years, slimmer friends who put on 3lbs complaining to me about how disgustingly fat they looked.

So I suppose my question is.... if you are one of those people who say these things why do you say them? No judgement just interested to hear the other side of the coin

OP posts:
Claralaura · 11/11/2021 16:03

Well not that I haven't gained any weight I kind of fluctuate within 5lbs up and down but my clothes size hasn't changed. (Shouldn't even be weighing myself but that isn't one of my triggers)

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 11/11/2021 16:16

Revised the advice and stop dieting, We only got one lift.
Ignore pps dismissing binge eating it is extremely ignorant.

Claralaura · 11/11/2021 16:46

Thank you for your kind words @EmeraldShamrock.
That PP knows exactly what they were doing it but while it still hurts it doesn't upset me as much as it used to.

OP posts:
Graphista · 11/11/2021 17:44

@hamstersarse I agree things like food environment have a lot to answer for but also poverty, lack of a decent nutrition education and many other factors

I'm vegetarian and I mostly cook from scratch inc making my own sauces, I'm in a decent home and my income is ok at the moment but I still can eat more than my body needs calorie wise if I'm not very careful - and even when I AM careful I can gain weight which is incredibly frustrating!

It's also things like pots and pans are bigger than they used to be, plates and bowls and even cutlery is HUGELY bigger than it used to be, I have small hands and a weak grip and I have real trouble finding cutlery I can manage. I've mentioned on here before my mum is still using a 1970's dinner service (which is an achievement in itself especially as dad was army and it's been moved over 20 times! Grin) when I was doing ww a few years back the leader mentioned bigger plates and out of curiosity the next time I went to mums I took a dinner and side plate of mine, hers were half the size! Mine don't even fit in my cupboards properly! I've tried finding smaller services but they're out of my budget the cheap plain white ones are massive.

I put a normal, healthy portion size on one of my dinner plates and I'd say it barely covers 1/3 of the plate So it looks like there's sod all on there!

How low is your low budget though? Cos there were times I had £10/15 to do me a week for dd and I both. It was those weeks I mostly didn't eat at all.

I'm a confident cook, I understand nutrition pretty well having been at school when this was still taught and having a mum that was skilled at shopping and cooking for a family on a budget and taught us too but there's only so much you can do when money is very tight or you're in a less than ideal home as I have been on several occasions due to problems with income and mental health issues.

You would think that not eating = lose weight but it really doesn't always I had this very discussion with my dr and she explained the complexities in relation to meds I'm on and how it messes with metabolism.

I've certainly met people who really don't feel at all confident cooking from scratch especially with meat let alone offal (I'm veggie but I can cook meat it doesn't phase me) hell I've met people who won't "cook" anything beyond a microwave meal or freezer to oven stuff cos they're afraid of getting it wrong and causing upset stomachs or having a meal wasted.

Imo one of the worst things removed from the curriculum was proper home economics where kids were taught to cook from the basics and budgeting for food and the nutritional aspects involved as I was.

But yea the way food shops are laid out and stocked... the green grocery part is one of the smallest depts and certainly where I live it's the same old stuff just different varieties of the same thing - eg 20 different kinds of potatoes rather than a wide variety of different veg.

Now I know they'd argue other veg wouldn't sell but I bet they would if promoted and we had eg govt public service ads inc recipes etc

It's woeful how all this is not addressed

Demonising certain foods I don't think is useful either that's gone on for decades! I'm old enough to remember when all fat was considered evil and then we had people not consuming enough healthy fats and that caused health issues. Everything in moderation, certain foods need to be consumed together in order for optimum absorption of nutrients to occur, and things like blood sugars kept in check.

I haven't had a takeaway or a microwave meal in over a year, I don't really like chocolate, or chips, or fried food very much generally I eat healthy foods...just it used to be too much of them and too much of the calorie dense parts like carbs and fats but I haven't cut those out just I'm now eating correct portion sizes and having more veg.

The dismissive attitudes to the Mh issues around all forms of unhealthy eating on this thread is quite shocking from certain posters - except not as I'm used to seeing mental illness treated dismissively in our culture despite the campaigns to "be kind" etc

I think we have yet (as a society) to properly catch on to the idea that over eating (generally not binge eating) is very very often associated/connected with Mh issues and very often ime related to trauma/previous abuse.

IncompleteSenten · 15/11/2021 15:31

Because those people are twats and they know they can get away with fat comments but have to hold back racist ones, sexual discrimination ones, and some but not all disability comments. Some disabilities are fair game, such as autism.

Graphista · 16/11/2021 19:45

Some disabilities are fair game, such as autism.

Yep

And mental illness sadly too

logsonlogsoff · 21/12/2021 15:25

The ‘eat less, move more’ message is waaayyyy too simplistic,
If it wasn’t then we wouldn’t have overweight people.

logsonlogsoff · 21/12/2021 15:30

Awaiting the arrival of (evil!) SIL for Xmas and dreading it. Several days of commenting on every item of food I consume, Along with some ‘helpful’ passive-aggressive advice/stories about losing weight— and some gossipy bitching behind my back…
But I know that she’d a deeply unhappy and insecure woman, with few friends,
who puts others down to feel better about herself.
So I know which of us I’d rather be.

Belledan1 · 21/12/2021 15:45

I am an overweight person. I accidentally walked in to a muslin young girl in B&M. I did apologise to her and she told me watch where i am going and I should not be looking at the chocolate and said i was a white fat b*tch . I went and told a policeman that was outside (i was upset and spur of the moment told him - dont think i would phone the Police direct) and he came in and she was being prejudice, she would not have it that it was not the same as if someone said something racist to her as it was my choice to be fat. The Police asked if i wanted to take it further, i decided not to as her friend made her apologise to me.

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