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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my DH to get out of our bed?

215 replies

PurpleDaisy2114 · 08/11/2021 22:27

DD is 10,with additional needs. She has been in a lot of pain yesterday and today with muscle strain in her back.
She wanted to sleep in our bed tonight.DH was adamant in saying no- said it's the only thing he insists on,it's our space.
DDhas slept on the sofa, lying next to me most of evening.To me,she's poorly and wants her Mum.
I just think he is being selfish. I've come into her room and am in her bed instead.

OP posts:
PaddingtonStareBare · 08/11/2021 23:46

Whoops, I missed a crucial piece there, that should have been MY DD would be likely to shitty someone else slept in her bed. 😳

TractorAndHeadphones · 08/11/2021 23:48

Given that your life already likely revolves around your special needs daughter then it’s understandable he wants own space for you teo

Also what needs does she have exactly

Bonheurdupasse · 08/11/2021 23:49

YABU

And YABVU for making him be the bad guy

AutumnLeaves21 · 08/11/2021 23:55

PPs keep referring to the daughter being “poorly”. She’s got a pulled muscle, not Ebola. Jfc.

Ellieboolou33 · 08/11/2021 23:56

My god some of these replies 🤣🤣 parental bed 🤣🤣

My husband would let my daughter stay with me in our bed if she was unwell, he wouldn't ask her to get up and move if she was sleepy and unwell as long as it wasn't a regular thing.

FortunesFave · 08/11/2021 23:59

YABU. She has a queen. Why would your husband need to vacate your bed?

Ellieboolou33 · 09/11/2021 00:01

A queen bed is a small double in uk, 5ft is a king size

WorraLiberty · 09/11/2021 00:02

@PurpleDaisy2114

She has a queen bed so it's not too squashy
See, I think you should've added that to your OP...
PurpleOkapi · 09/11/2021 00:20

Absolutely YABU if she has a queen sized bed you can easily share with her. If you were going to do that anyway, it's not about wanting her mum, and DH isn't preventing you from being with her by wanting to sleep in his own bed.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/11/2021 00:23

@PurpleDaisy2114

She was asleep on sofa when we came up to bed. Then as I was getting into bed, she got into our bed and said I want to sleep with you Mum and seemed to get sleepy quite quickly. I just felt that making her move was unreasonable.
Why did both of you leave her asleep on the sofa? I'd have walked my DC into their own beds. Or DH would have carried them. Sleeping on a sofa can give anyone a backache.

But as far as the original, YABU. Your DD has a queen bed, plenty of room for the two of you.

Envoitrevisage · 09/11/2021 00:24

I think you have been so unreasonable and even more so making him out as the bad guy, and the triple crown of drip feeding too.

For the posters that can’t read…. No one is saying the kid has to sleep alone. She has her own large enough bed. Stop making out like the husband is preventing the mother comforting the child. And stop making out she is ill. She isn’t ill, she has a sore injury.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/11/2021 00:25

Today 00:01 Ellieboolou33

A queen bed is a small double in uk, 5ft is a king size“

We bought an And So To Bed “king size”, it’s 6ft 🤷‍♀️

musicviking1 · 09/11/2021 00:28

YANBU. If my 11 year old is feeling unwell and wants to sleep in our bed, my DH will sleep in hers.

Rachie1973 · 09/11/2021 00:34

Yabu.

She has a big bed that you can share.

saleorbouy · 09/11/2021 00:40

YABU if she has a queen size bed and is only 10 so hardly like sleeping with two adults.
At first it sounded like you were in a single or bunk bed.

StoppinBy · 09/11/2021 00:52

YABU.

As someone who does occasionally have the kids in our bed I believe your husband has every right to say that his bed is his and he wants to keep it that way.

I can't see why you insist on it personally when your daughter's bed is big enough for you both easily.

Wife2b · 09/11/2021 01:03

Of course you should go with her. She has a queen sized bed, makes no sense to kick your husband out. What a drip feed.

mm40 · 09/11/2021 01:08

YABU - she has an enormous bed of her own - also does your DH think that this might set a precedent of sleeping arrangments?

Fleshmechanic · 09/11/2021 01:14

We have a sofa bed downstairs so my partner would go there if one of my children really needed to sleep with me for comfort. Definitely not being unreasonable.

PurpleOkapi · 09/11/2021 01:17

Why does a 10-year-old have a queen bed, anyway?

LifeAdvice · 09/11/2021 01:20

^This. YABU

Stroopwaffle5000 · 09/11/2021 01:20

Whenever one of my kids is poorly, the first thing OH does is make himself a bed on the sofa. DD9 has been quite poorly this year with newly diagnosed Coeliac Disease so he's spent many weeks on the sofa. He also slept on the sofa for 2 weeks when we first got our puppy so she wasn't lonely 🙂

me4real · 09/11/2021 01:21

No, a 4ft is a “small double”. A queen is larger, usually 5ft in the UK. (Just been buying beds for new, awkward access attic bedrooms so clued up grin)

@MrsSkylerWhite I think a queen is usually the same as a small double in most places. www.dreams.co.uk/beds/small-double It definitely is smaller than the average double.

@PurpleDaisy2114 YANBU in theory but I suppose there was plenty of room for you both to go in her bed.

me4real · 09/11/2021 01:23

Why does a 10-year-old have a queen bed, anyway?

@PurpleOkapi Because she has disabilities that make it harder for her to be comfortable on a smaller bed maybe.

PurpleOkapi · 09/11/2021 01:29

Fair enough. But she was apparently perfectly comfortable on the couch...