To expect my DH to get out of our bed?

[PurpleDaisy2114]

DD is 10,with additional needs. She has been in a lot of pain yesterday and today with muscle strain in her back.
She wanted to sleep in our bed tonight.DH was adamant in saying no- said it's the only thing he insists on,it's our space.
DDhas slept on the sofa, lying next to me most of evening.To me,she's poorly and wants her Mum.
I just think he is being selfish. I've come into her room and am in her bed instead.

Yabu.

YABU

You know your DH's feelings about your bed being your space and chose to let DD come in with you, knowing that either DH would have to suck it up and move or be cast as the bad one.

YABU and YABVU to make him the bad guy.

YABU.

It’s his bed. You can’t just turf someone out of their bed.

She has a queen bed so you go sleep in there with her.

YABU- doubly so as Lola says. You need to apologise

@Eyerollsausageroll

YANBU she is already in pain, and he thinks her sleeping on the sofa or I assume squashed somewhat in a ?single bed with you is OK? You and your daughter get to be uncomfortable so that he can have the comfort of his own bed? What an arse.

This.

I would do it for a child that was unwell and so would my husband.

He's an arse.

Yabu

Having said YANBU, just read the queen bed bit. That changes things, there’s no problem getting into her bed is there?

Agree with other posters - you set him up to be the bad guy. You know how he feels, you let her get into bed with you instead of you and dd getting into her big bed together. It makes no sense, you just wanted to play the victim. Google the drama triangle and then talk to him about it and apologise.

@CrushedPistachios a queen bed is smaller than a double isn't it? It's 4 ft instead of 4th 6

Yanbu. The needs of a poorly child come before an adult. What's the bloody point in being a parent otherwise? If she's feeling below par and needs the parental bed (and goodness knows why a child's mind works like this, but sometimes that's what they need when they feel rotten) then dh can sleep in her bed if he needs space.

Yabu

Kicking your husband out of his bed, when your daughter has a queen and you can easily sleep with her, is absurd.

I agree with dh no kids in our bed. Fine for a cuddle but everyone needs sleep and that cant be done squashed in a bed. Plus you said dd has a queen size bed.

StarCourt

@CrushedPistachios a queen bed is smaller than a double isn't it? It's 4 ft instead of 4th 6“

No, a 4ft is a “small double”. A queen is larger, usually 5ft in the UK. (Just been buying beds for new, awkward access attic bedrooms so clued up )

Either way, both are plenty big enough for an average adult and child. No need for dad to vacate (unless he wants to tend to poorly child, obviously).

I dunno.

Yes it would have been nice if he’d offered to sleep elsewhere on this occasion.

But - she’s got a shareable queen-size of her own, you’re in it with her, mission is accomplished. She wanted Mum to sleep with her, she didn’t care which bed it was.

It’s you that cares, possibly as proof that he’d put his DD first. But if this really and truly is his only line in the sand - the only thing he’s adamant about - then you should let it go. Different if he’s always selfish.

We have never been bed shared though since kids stopped bf as babies and have never been allowed to sleep in our bed. Even when sick they don't expect our bed.

Yanbu x hope she feels better in the morning

Yabu

Yabu

@CardinalCat

Yanbu. The needs of a poorly child come before an adult. What's the bloody point in being a parent otherwise? If she's feeling below par and needs the parental bed (and goodness knows why a child's mind works like this, but sometimes that's what they need when they feel rotten) then dh can sleep in her bed if he needs space.

She didn't need the parental bed - she has her own bed

She has a queen sized bed and you want your husband to leave your bed to what, move into your daughter's bed? That's bonkers. Yeah, I think YABVU.

Nope, my bed is just that, my bed.
If DD wanted company she's more likely to get shitty that someone else has slept in her bed!
Your DD has a queen size, that's ample space for two. I'm with your DH here.

Yabu, Your dh had already said no, but you decided to ignore him and wanted to turf him out instead.
You should not have let dd in your bed, you should’ve taken her to her own bed and climbed in with her.

YABU …
…and YABVU to drip feed and paint your husband as forcing you both to sleep uncomfortably when in reality you and your daughter could quite easily have been in her bed